Introduction

Beth 1:11

Hey everyone. This is Beth. And I'm Jeff. And this is Your Enneagram Coach, the podcast, and we're here to help you to understand yourself with astonishing clarity so that you can break free from self condemnation, fear, and shame by knowing and experiencing the unconditional love, forgiveness, and freedom in Christ. Well, we're on YouTube, so hopefully you're gonna head over there, watch this podcast and make sure if you're there, hit like and subscribe so you don't miss any of our new

Jeff 1:39

content. I mean, you guys gotta check out YouTube because you're missing out on my beautiful melon. I mean, it's gonna. It

Beth 1:45

will, it will change your name. Of course. I thought you were gonna say my beautiful wife, but No. Well, she's great.

Jeff 1:50

I mean, but everybody loves Beth Beautiful Melon. I'm Beth's husband. Uh, do people even know my name? Like, I don't even know anymore. Um, my kids make a joke that I'm, uh, Mike from Wasowski I don't, is there a somewhere?

Beth 2:04

But you'd love little extra twist in there.

Jeff 2:06

I do. I do. That's just how I roll. Adding people. we're gonna be talking about type nine and they're wings, uh, which are type eight and type one. The concept of wings is new to you. Check out episode one 60 where we explain in what enneagram wings are, uh, particularly in detail. And essentially the wings are just simply the two types that are directly next to your main type. So a nine is not gonna have a two wing, they're not gonna have a six wing. Uh, and it's just the two next to it. So I'm a type six. And five and seven are my wings. And since Beth's a nine, well I, like I just said, eight and one. Yeah. the wings. So we

Beth 2:43

get to dive into my wings today, which is gonna be awesome. And we have two special guests. But before we go there, let's talk about the main type, because we still remain our main type. You're still a nine no matter what. Exactly. So, and that comes with our core motivations, which is the driving force behind your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. And your core motivations are the core fear. Desire, weakness and longing, and it's gonna see the world in a particular way, interpret it, and then react to it based off of how it views the world. Now what's interesting is your wings also have core motivations. It sees the world from its vantage point, and it's gonna try to influence the main type to think and feel the way it does, cuz it thinks it's right. So today we get to see how our type one and our type eight wing thinks it's right and is trying to influence us as type nine. Well,

Jeff 3:37

because we have such a significant relationship with these various connecting types, especially the wings, uh, we're gonna be referring to wings as part of us, and we talk a lot about this in our new book more than your number. So be sure to go check that out because it, it's gonna really open your understanding to the various parts of your heart. Maybe that's new to you even thinking about that. There are various parts of you, but here's the, uh, clue that it's true is that you're already using this language. Have you ever said something like, well, part of me wants to do this, part of me wants to do that, or part of me feels this way, but part of me feels something exactly the opposite of that. Right. And so, but the, the key is, is that even though these are parts of you, you are still your main type with all the core motivations that come along with being that type, but we are influenced by these parts that can come from their, with their core motivations as well. Mm-hmm. As we talk about type nine s wings with our guests, whom we're gonna introduce in just a moment, keep in mind that they're always going to be their main type with those core motivations. Type 9 will be leading the way, but what you'll hear today is how in certain situations, relationships. Or experiences, their eight wing and their one wing parts are gonna start showing up and they influence their behavior both in positive and negative ways. That's healthy and

Beth 4:54

unhealthy ways. Yeah. So before we introduce our guests, let me just paint a picture of us. Type nine s. We are called the peaceful

Enneagram Type 9 Summary

Beth 5:00

accommodator. And we're great mediators. Now, we don't wanna get in the mix of the conflict, but we mediate. We like to bring harmony, wanna make sure everyone has a place at the table. Everyone is heard. Um, everyone feels special and important, and we bring a lot of strength in bringing affirmation, encouragement. We inspire others. We love to go with the flow, like everything's gonna be fine. Like it's okay. Um, but also we're very optimistic. We see things on the positive side. Um, everything's gonna work out.

Jeff 5:34

That is one of the easiest indicators for me that you're struggling. Is it when you start getting pessimistic, like, okay, hold on, hold on. That's not Bethy

Beth 5:45

yeah, that's true. Yeah. Cuz then we will, and we're not getting into it this episode, but when I moved to that space Sure. You're like, you can't

Jeff 5:53

handle you handle the truth. And all my anxieties get outta my neighborhood. Yeah.

Beth 5:58

So I'm like, yeah, that's okay. I'll, I'll, I, I don't need to go to that. Flywheel of a mind for sure. Yes. Um, but nines also, what happens is in order to go along, to get along to create peace and harmony mm-hmm. We tend to merge with others, but by merging with others' thoughts, feelings, and agendas, we lose ourselves in the process. So a lot don't even know. What our thoughts are, our opinions are because we have fallen asleep to ourselves and really have taken on the thoughts and personas of others because it seems easier. So this can cause frustration for ourselves and others because I know for Jeff, like you'll say, Hey, what do you wanna do tonight? Uh, I don't know. What do you wanna do? And that can be really frustrating cuz a lot of people in my life I know really do care about what I would like to do, but I feel like a deer in headlights. Mm-hmm. And I would rather just go along to get along. Cause I don't wanna assert my viewpoint in case it were to cause any kind of friction

Jeff 6:58

or a attention. No, we, we had a fun conversation. Um, so we're recording this the day after Valentine's. So, yeah. Uh, Beth and I came home and we had a very meaningful full conversation where it was prompted by the movie and it, how did I phrase it again? Who do you think believes that they, out of the two of us, out of the two of us, is the least lovable, right? I

Beth 7:25

think is how I phrased it. Do I think I'm the least lovable or do you think you are the least lovable? And it became

Jeff 7:30

a fight? Like, no, no, no, you cl you clearly love me less.

Beth 7:34

Yeah, because I was like, no, I know I love you, but as a nine, my thought process is, the core lies are, I'm not special. I don't matter. My voice doesn't matter. I'm,

Jeff 7:46

you are only loved to the degree that you make me happy. Yeah.

Beth 7:49

Yeah. That's what I think. Like, oh, if you are ha, if Jeff's happy, then I've done a great job. That's the thought pattern of the nine, and so I'm convinced, well, Does that ever happen? And so then I'm convinced, no, I'm the least level rule cuz and and we, we are laughing. Yes. Because we know that these are all just head trash limiting beliefs. False messages. Yes. That plague us. But it, but it's a part of the mind does have an impact on our relationship. It does for sure. And that's where the nine is sad because we really operate in the world that our presence, our voice, doesn't matter and that others don't really want us to show up. Um, they may. Say they do, but we're like, ah, we really, we know what's really going on. Yeah. And we have to get past that limiting and false belief to give the world. What God has created within us. Sure. Which is, um, beauty and a, a perspective that a lot of people don't have. Mm-hmm. So let's dive in with, uh, the core motivations of the nine. And so you can kinda understand why these are. The dynamics we have. So the core fear is that we fear conflict, tension of any kind, discord. We fear being shut out or overlooked and losing connection with others. Really what we're wanting is inner stability and peace of mind, but we struggle with the core weakness of sloth. Now, this isn't a physical laziness. Yes, we like our cozy comforts. But this is an internal slothfulness where we wanna remain in an unrealistic and idealistic world. Mm-hmm. So that we're just experiencing that peace and that harmony. Everything is great, but we shut ourselves out in the process and therefore we don't know our passions, opinions and wants, but we long our core longing is to hear your presence matters.

Meet Type 9s Brandon and Laura

Jeff 9:35

Well, our guests today are Brandon and Laura. Uh, guys, I thank you so much for being on, uh, the podcast with us. Laura, why don't you tell us a little about yourself.

Laura 9:47

you for having me here today. Um, my name is Laura, uh, NIC Booth and I am a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified enneagram coach. Um, I have been a therapist for over 15 years and it really kinda. Came out, um, in kind of utilizing the Enneagram in that work. Um, I was just really looking for a tool to dive a little bit deeper into not only helping my clients, but even like my self-reflection and, and kind of trying to understand my own self, um, as a therapist and as a, in my relationships with others. And so that's really, um, a big part of my passion is working with individuals and couples and even businesses. I, um, I've worked in crisis and, um, I used to be a treatment director for a, um, residential crisis treatment center and just even like helping build team development and things like that. So, um, I really am focused on building deeper relationships and, um, and I love how the Enneagram, um, helps us do kind of all of that. Um, whether that's personally, professionally, leadership wise, it just kind of encompasses it all,

Jeff 10:56

And Laura,

Laura 10:57

helped me grow on that

Jeff 10:59

what do, what do you think has been just the top two or three things that the enneagram has helped in the therapeutic process with the clients that you work with?

Laura 11:10

I think honestly the, um, the biggest thing is helping us see all these different parts to ourself and how that makes us a whole person. I think we can oftentimes cut ourselves off, um, from various parts of ourselves that are trying to protect us, um, in various ways. So I think the Enneagram really gives a good visual and a good descriptor of. Who we are and why we do what we do. And I think that, that seeing those healthy and those unhealthy sides to us, um, can really bring in a lot more compassion and vulnerability that I see is oftentimes missing with the people that I work with.

Jeff 11:54

Oh, that's fantastic. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for sharing that. So Brandon, thanks so much for joining the podcast. Tell us a little bit about yourself.

Brandon 12:03

Absolutely. I'm super glad to be here. This is, uh, number two for me on the podcast. I'm very glad to

Jeff 12:09

you know what? Thank you. is like being a host on Saturday Night Live. Yeah. Where now we have a,

Beth 12:14

how many times can you be on,

Brandon 12:17

Oh, you guys gonna start handing out

Jeff 12:18

Ooh, maybe, oh, now I've gotta

Beth 12:21

give you stuff. Or, or YEC Yeti mugs.

Jeff 12:25

You know, that's why we bought those mugs in the first place was to give away to guests we just hoarded them for ourselves and then we decided, no, let's just put 'em in a storage unit and keep there and paid it for it. Right?

Beth 12:36

So,

Brandon 12:36

Well, I'll, I'll watch the mail to get

Jeff 12:38

yes. Yes. Cuz that's why you're here. You want the merch, I mean,

Brandon 12:41

why

Jeff 12:42

enneagram symbol

Brandon 12:42

is

Jeff 12:42

such a great icon to puon your clothing, right? Right.T.

Brandon 12:46

Absolutely.

Beth 12:49

So tell us about you,

Brandon 12:50

Well, um, yeah, I'm, uh, also type ninex and, uh, I live up in the northwest just outside of Seattle, Washington, and I've been a coach for going on six years now, but I've known about the Enneagram for, for many, many years. It's been a fun thing to, uh, to learn and, and to be able to

Jeff 13:11

Mm. That's great. I mean, having, uh, studied and been interested in the Enneagram for so long, how have you seen the conversation and community around the Enneagram change over time?

Brandon 13:23

Well, I think, um, When I started to first hear about it, it was much more underground, I

Jeff 13:30

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Beth 13:31

Yeah.

Brandon 13:32

And then obviously that big bubble that kind of bursts, especially in

Beth 13:37

Right.

Brandon 13:37

I mean I, as far as I know, I heard it was just absolutely

Beth 13:40

Yes.

Brandon 13:41

Um, But, um, the, the conversation has begun to change for me, at least with my clients as like, they're, they're coming to me. They used to come to me with like, what is this thing? And now they're coming to me as like a, I know that this has been helpful and I've seen this be helpful for friends or family or coworkers, whatever. And I'd like that to be a part of, you know, my world. And so, um, for me specifically, I just, The way that it helps improve communication between partners, between self, uh, has

Jeff 14:13

Yeah. Yeah.

Brandon 14:15

amazing.

Jeff 14:15

is interesting you talk about it. It was a little underground. So for years, Beth and I, for over a decade, we're reading about the Enneagram and we were, I was a pastor. Mm-hmm. At a local church, and so we, well,

Beth 14:29

we were, it, there just wasn't any gospel centered approach to the Enneagram. So we took all that time to really assess and also bring language to it that would help those that. Want to see it and want to use it from that Gospel Center perspective, an actual way to do that. But I,

Jeff 14:48

I remember like many of the authors were not Christians, so they weren't writing books from a biblical worldview. Right. And so we would kind of sneakily go through borders, uh, back into the new age and personalities. Right. But now they're to get a Rizzo in Hudson book or a Helen Palmer. How like our books are in the Christian section. Oh, that's right. We brought, yes, we have, that's right. Bingo. Go.

Brandon 15:11

How far they've

Jeff 15:12

How far it is. Funny to think about how cautious we were and as the Lord provided opportunities and for us to, I remember distinctly making decisions along the way. Yeah. Um, to. Change. Yeah. When

Beth 15:26

we were reading about, it's been awesome seeing the ripple effect.

Jeff 15:29

That's right. Well, we're super thankful that you're both here. Uh, it's common for people to talk about their dominant wing, which is the wing that they notice the most are showing up in this particular season in life. And many out there believe that they may only have one wing, but that's actually not the case. Uh, just as a bird has both wings, uh, has two wings, so do, uh, all the Enneagram types. Mm-hmm. And it's important, uh, to be aware of them because like I said, we have relationship with them. And so for the nine, it's the one and the eight. And the one and eight plays significant roles in your life. And we're gonna talk about what it looks like, even for what it looked like in your family. Uh, maybe one of your parents had was, uh, their main type was one of your wings and you were parented through the lens of that type. There's reasons why these, uh, wings exist and understanding them. It's really gonna be helpful as you think about what it means to be you and living in God's world, being. Made in the image of God to reflect something

Beth 16:28

of him. Yeah. So let's dive into, uh, type one. The wing that we have as type one

Enneagram 9 wing 1

Beth 16:34

and type one s. They come with the perspective of being objective, detailed, um, more logical and serious. They're also more emotionally self controlled. And so what you're gonna see when that kind of partners up with a type nine who wants to be, you know, even, even Steven or even keeled. You've got, you know, the type one who's trying to button up the emotions and the nine's like, yeah, let's just keep it kind of neutral. So you're gonna see, uh, a type nine that is less emotional and a little bit more withdrawn, a little bit more quiet. Um, but they're also gonna bring a kindness to that kind of quietness that they have, even if the one wing is playing a role. Now, one other thing that you'll notice is the motivations of the Type IX is a little bit different with that one wing. So the one is all about ethics and morals, procedures, doing it just right. Um, Making sure that everything is perfect. That is the idea of the type one. But the nine is really fixated and focused on other people, making them happy, their agendas, you know, going along to get along. But the one is really about those ethics and morals. So what you're gonna see is the Type nine, trying to please people perfectly in the way they want to be pleased in the way that. Ethics might land on them. So it's just a little bit different than the hard, fast rules of the type one. You're gonna see this blend of empathy and compassion that also comes along with that type nine. So, uh, let's start with you Brandon. Uh, how does your healthy part, type one, bring in that logic, that wisdom, that reasoning groundedness, but also coupled with that nine that softens it a little bit? How does that show up in your life and where.

Brandon 18:20

So I, um, my staff, so I've a, a company I, I run out here in Northwest and, um, My it, like, I, I see that come to life in when I have to communicate hard things to staff. So, um, when, when things are done incorrectly or poorly and they need to be corrected, there is a, a way to, like, there's a, tact is a word. The word I love is tact. Like to have tact. And I feel like that is like for me, a really great, uh, melding of the

Jeff 18:57

Hmm.

Brandon 18:57

Of being able to say like, you've done this incorrectly. Here's the way to correct it, but also, what are you bringing into work this week or today that's taken you off your game, because I know you've done it before, the correct way. Those kinds of things. Instead of coming in with just such a hard lined, like, oh, this is wrong. Change it

Jeff 19:21

Brandon, do you have, uh, any reluctance for that? Towards that part to, for it to show up.

Brandon 19:27

Oh, absolutely. Yeah,

Jeff 19:30

I, I, I mean, I, I, what come, well, the way I experience it, it's almost as if, uh, it's like, you know, don't, don't make me have to bring out my one wing. Exactly. I really don't want to do this.

Beth 19:42

Yes. Like, ah,

Brandon 19:43

Perfectly said. I, because I

Jeff 19:44

Yeah. I mean, Beth's that way. And, and what's interesting is a, as I've told her, like. Even if you have to confront one of the team members mm-hmm. Or address an issue, we'll, we'll only use con confrontational language. Right. Don't do that. We just need to have a conversation, an intentional conversation conversation. Like Bethy, you have nothing to worry about, because even if it was out of perfectionism or anger, it still won't come

Beth 20:11

across that way. Right. It's kind of like, it feels like it's gonna be this brick I'm throwing at someone. And it's been bubble wrapped most, like 10 times. Most a teddy bear, you know, it's been bubble wrapped and it has like, let's say, fur on the outside of that. So it's like,

Brandon 20:28

It's the softest brick that's ever been

Beth 20:31

yes, but, but even, even when that still comes, I'm like, I'm so sorry. You know, like, oh gosh.

Jeff 20:37

Yes. Absolutely. Yeah. Well, Laura, how about you? How does the one part of your heart show up in healthy ways?

Laura 20:44

um, for me, I see it, uh, in healthy ways, more so in, um, I used to struggle a lot with like setting boundaries and being able to like set healthy boundaries and I think the one has been very helpful for me when I'm really health healthy to discern like. Making it okay to like speak up or say something that's right for me, even though it might not be okay for someone else. Um, and know that that's okay, um, to, to do that. And so I really, um, I think that, that I see, um, at, in my growth path and you know, in just in my own journey. The one has really, really helped me be able to, you know, know what is right for me and, and stop me even from merging with others, um, in that sense and know what, um, what's healthy for me, you know, versus what's healthy for someone else and kind of differentiate from the two.

Jeff 21:41

It's interesting to think that if the ones wanting to merge, if the nine is wanting to merge both wings of the nine, both eight and one, have a much clearer view of what boundaries are. Oh, yeah.

Laura 21:56

Mm-hmm.

Jeff 21:57

it's like God has equipped you with, uh, some help to establish some

Beth 22:02

boundaries if we're willing to take the home,

Laura 22:06

Yes.

Beth 22:07

which can lead us into the unhealthy space of the type one. So, yeah. I'm just,

Jeff 22:12

uh, outta curiosity, um, Brandon, which wing do you lean towards more?

Brandon 22:21

Eight

Jeff 22:21

Yeah. And Laura, what about you?

Brandon 22:23

I've leaned.

Laura 22:25

I will lean more towards the one wing.

Jeff 22:28

I mean, you can feel it. I do. Wait, that's what I was gonna say's. Looking at you both. Yeah. You can feel the vibe of

Beth 22:36

I totally.

Jeff 22:36

What I'm, this is why you've gotta watch this stuff on YouTube. Yeah. Because you literally, you can see it. We interviewed some fives and. They're kind of tucked away in their little space. I mean, it, yeah. It's just, it, it's so fascinating. It's so, I mean, it's worth watching real people and not just their

Beth 22:52

voices. So Well, and I tend to almost merge with every Enneagram type that we interview. Uh, it's amazing. My energy is like right there. The way she

Jeff 23:01

describes the types. It, it's, yeah. With five and four, you got a little softer with eight and with nines you're showing up a little brighter. Mm-hmm.

Beth 23:10

Yeah. How funny. Yeah, because they get me. They get me. That's right.

9w1 in unhealth

Beth 23:14

Feel safe. So why don't, why don't you describe a little bit of the un unhealthy

Jeff 23:18

one? Here's where the unhealthy part of one can show up, uh, in a life of a nine. As we talk about the wing one, unhealthy characteristic. Cause it's important to keep in mind this. That it has positive intent. It has good intent. It is trying its best to resolve the, uh, heartache of the type nine. So the one wing can make you quick to judge, maybe condemn others while justifying yourself based on your high standards, principles and morals. Uh, which can be tough for the nine. There's a lot of ambivalence, like, I don't wanna be judgey, but I feel there's a part of me that is, it can show up in pass passive aggressiveness, impatience, judgments. Really exude through your body language. You might experience some internal conflict when upholding your voice and moral principles. And actually, can you go back a little bit? Sorry. I got you. So you'll feel an internal conflict between holding and voicing your moral principles versus needing to main peace, maintain peace and harmony with others. So what I mean when I think about it, how it shows up for you, Bethy, is when. You might express to me your frustration with something, but you wouldn't fr voice it, uh, in frustration to somebody who might change it or. Who's made the problem. Um, it may be show up as guilt and shame particularly towards yourself whenever you didn't make someone happy. I mean, all people have an inner critic, but, um, the type one's inner critic is relentless. So when your one wing is unhealthy, you're gonna feel the weight of that criticism as a type ix. So, Laura, why don't we start with you first and why don't you share with us how has this one wing shown up in maybe unhelpful or less healthy ways?

Laura 25:04

I think, um, one of the things, um, that I see most it, and even, you know, when I reflect I like I was that kid growing up that could not stand anyone being mad at me and. If, and a lot of it had to do with feeling like I did something wrong. Like you know that right versus wrong. And even if I didn't necessarily do anything wrong, like I would immediately wanna apologize for that. So I think the unhealthy one wing. Comes in me really critically when when something is, you know, like amis or there's a conflict or a discord or something like that, I automatically think that I have done something wrong and that part in me feels like it, and then therefore I'm a bad person kind of a thing. I see that coming out in like unhealthy ways and I have to really. Be conscious of that. Um, so even if I do make a mistake or um, you know, cause some sort of discord, it doesn't make me a bad person. You know, like my actions may be a mistake, but that doesn't make me a bad person. So I really see that inner critic coming out loud and clear, kind of pointing fingers being very critical of myself, you know, um, as a person I guess. And how. I, you know, may have caused someone else's unhappiness or

Beth 26:29

and I think,

Laura 26:30

where I see it really

Beth 26:31

and that's the point I wanna get across and I'd love to hear Brandon, if you feel this as well, is that. Though the one wing is definitely looking at morals and and ethics and procedures. For me as a nine, it's really about am I making you happy? So if someone's upset, therefore I've done something wrong. Now, of course, ethics and morals, that's important too, but it lands on me more. Oh, like I'm being a bad wife or I'm being a bad mom, or I'm being a bad Christian, you know, or whatever it is. It lands on me more that way than probably how a type one would think as a peer type one. And then that part of me, that type one, it feels like the inner critic almost has a bat. And like you said, it's more aimed at me and it's just relentless until I fix the problem. And usually fixing the problem would, would mean making someone happy or going along, or whatever it is to smooth things out. So again, it's, that's why I think wings are so great cuz we're looking at a blend of the two, not just the hard, fast rule that, how does the one show up only? Uh,

Jeff 27:40

yeah. Brandon, tell us first, cuz I wanna come back to something about, uh, absorbing or remembering rules. Okay. Okay. But Brennan, how, how does your, the one wing show up for you in less healthy ways?

Brandon 27:52

Um, well a couple ways, but I mean, to kind of go off at the same point from what Laura was saying, was I find, um, my indicator is I start to ask a lot of questions. Uh, like internal questions of like, what kind of person does this or what kind of person says that, or

Jeff 28:10

Well, I mean, that's really contemptuous.

Brandon 28:13

right? Like, it, it's, it's very, uh, It's just a comparison game internally of going like, this is not the right way to operate in the world. And so I, those are the kinds of questions. And so when I catch myself in that storyline loop of going, a good person doesn't say these things, or a good person doesn't react this way, or a good person doesn't care that much when. The dishes were supposed to be done and now they're not. When I got home from work, uh, it's, you know, it's those kind of small indicators where I go like, okay, I need to start paying attention a little bit more here because I'm not in a good

Jeff 28:52

Yeah, well, being married to Beth for a few years now, you, what are we at? 28? Seven. Seven? Yeah,

Beth 29:01

this is, we're

Jeff 29:02

going into 28. Going into 28 7. Yeah. Um, Beth remembers. The rules. Particularly the rules that were handed down by parents or me, society. The church. Church.

Beth 29:22

Basically, when he says rules, it's if someone was unhappy or displeased or frustrated. I mean, or someone

Jeff 29:28

says that they're displeased with someone else because of

Beth 29:30

what they did. Right. It's not even at at me. I'm like writing it down in my head. Oh, I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna make that mistake. I'm not gonna say it that way. That will make other people upset. Do the two of you resonate

Jeff 29:42

with this?

Brandon 29:44

A

Laura 29:44

Absolutely.

Beth 29:48

Like those are the rules. And, and, and the ones, you know, of course they have a nine wing, so they might, they might resonate with that somewhat, but for them it's really about ethics and morals. It's about the inner critic and making the inner critic happy. But what's amazing, making people

Jeff 30:02

happy to me and, and, and for those who are, have friendships. Or in marriages have, just have friendships and relationships with type nine s. One thing you have to remember is that those rules are not there to come after you. It's, they're to, they're applied to themselves. Mm-hmm. So if you make a mistake, I, it, there's, in some sense, there's a sensitivity that I have to be aware of. And at times, because it, you know, as nines, they, they want to. Portray themselves as kind of weak and vulnerable and be sensitive around them. They're actually much more tougher than that and way more stubborn than you could ever imagine. What but the, because you can take something I say and immediately turn that into a statement about yourself. Oh yeah. And like what Brandon was saying, like, who, who thinks this way? Who, what wife out there has a husband? Has to say stuff like that to them and it, and it could be like, Hey, you just, can you put the fork in differently in the dishwasher? Mm-hmm. Yeah. And, and you're like, well, my mom used to say this or Dad said this. Oh, everything's

Beth 31:11

a rule. Everything is observing people and you know, like, am, how am I showing up? And it's not showing up to get admiration. Maybe like a three wood shape shifting. It is. How am I showing up to make sure everyone else is happy?

Jeff 31:27

And that's what Laura said earlier is if you think of this one part of you as a very young part of you and it with Laura, like when your friends were unhappy, it was the part that motivated you to try to make it right. You wanted to be the good

Beth 31:43

girl. Yeah. To figure out the rules. What are the rules in this friend group that we can get it back on track? Yes.

Laura 31:50

Exactly.

Beth 31:52

It's exhausting. Oh, and we were doing a type, the Type five podcast yesterday. It was fascinating though, of course I knew this, but it, one of the guests said, you know, I really don't care what other people think and I'm just like, I even said like, oh, dare say that. Some of that to me. Can you throw it over here please? That's

Jeff 32:09

a possibility in life. To functionality. Oh. Oh, I wish. I wish. It's funny about the rule thing though is that I spend my life assuming I am the problem. Yeah. You're taking the responsibility. Yeah. And when for you to have the audacity to think that you are the problem. I'm

Beth 32:31

sorry sweetie. So here's another, we're gonna battle about who's really the problem, who's really raw. Okay, well let's head into type eight wing. And this is more my dog. Those are are two strong

Jeff 32:45

wings. Like I have five and seven, seven big showing up. Happy, fun. Five more. Which one? What? But one and eight, man, there's some energy there.

Beth 32:55

Exactly. So let's talk about the eight. So this is the one I. I mean, I use both of them quite a bit. Um, whereas like your dad uses them, both of them hardly. I'm not even sure he has wings.

Jeff 33:07

Exactly. He's more like a pin one tiny, like a T-Rex. He has 'em, he just doesn't use them. Well, Laura, how can people find out more about your coaching and, uh, what you are able to offer in leadership?

Laura 33:21

Uh, they can find me@infiniteclaritycc.com or at Infinite Clarity on Facebook and Instagram and LinkedIn.

Jeff 33:28

fantastic. Thank you Laura and Brandon, what about you?

Brandon 33:33

I'm over at aim and anchor coaching.com and you can also find me Instagram TikTok. Uh, same name.

Jeff 33:40

Ayman anchor. That's awesome.

Beth 33:41

And you both are on our network, right?

Brandon 33:44

That's

Beth 33:45

So go to myenneagramcoach.com and you can put in Brandon and Laura's name and you can find them there

Jeff 33:51

as well. That would be awesome. So thank you so much. If you really wanna learn more about, uh, wings and all of the things associated with the Enneagram, head on over to yourenneagramcoach.com.

Learn more on our website

Jeff 34:01

If you're looking for a coach, head over to myenneagramcoach.com

FInd a coach

Jeff 34:04

where we've got thousand of coaches around the world that are ready to help. And for those of you who want to bless others by becoming a certified Enneagram coach, our team is waiting

Become a Coach

Jeff 34:14

to hear from you, to help you to accomplish the dreams that you desire. To use this understanding of yourself and how to serve other people so that they can experience

Beth 34:22

the same. Yep. And that's at yourenneagramcoach.com/bec but as always, the enneagram reveals your need for Jesus, not your need to work harder. It is the gospel that transforms us. Thanks for tuning in. We'll see you next time.