Introduction

beth 1:11

Well, hey everyone. Welcome to your Instagram coach, the podcast. I'm Beth. And I'm Jeff. And we are so excited to have you guys here today. We have been walking through the triads, um, on the Centers of Intelligence, and we have talked about the head, the heart, and now we're going to do the gut, which is types, uh, eight, nine, and one. And just to kinda give you a brief overview, uh, the gut triad has an imbalance in their gut instincts, but they share different assets and liabilities surrounding their gut instincts. And for them, they. Can struggle with the emotion of anger. Now it looks different for each of them. The eights are gonna see injustices and they're gonna respond viscerally in a fast manner. And I'll explain a little bit more of this when we get into each of the types. Now nines on the other hand, they're kind of asleep to their anger and they don't want it to disrupt their peace and harmony, so they kind of just ignore it. And then the type ones, um, they feel that anger is wrong and bad, and so they're going to repress that. Um, but it's gonna kind of leak out in being a little picky or, uh, nitpicky critical, maybe kind of some judgments landing on other people. Um, but their primary desire, so the common desire that they, the three of these share is justice.

Enneagram 9

beth 2:27

So the nines, you know, when we're doing well, we're very receptive, we're reassuring, we're open, non-judgmental, and we love to encourage others. Uh, we wanna create peace and a harmonious atmosphere for others to experience so that they can flourish. Um, but when we're struggling, we are resisting both the external environment and our internal fears and anxiety. So we just talked about the eights and they're really pushing against the external environment, but now you got the nines and they're like, okay, I don't want the external environment bothering me and disrupting my piece, and I don't want my internal world doing it either. So what do we do? Well, we try to suppress our anger, um, or that passion or the intensity, um, aggressive feelings that we might have and just shut it out. Just. Shut it down. Um, but that doesn't really help, does it? So here we are trying to suppress all of this that's going on and it really just builds inside. So, uh, the analogy here again, is the two liter Coke, but instead of it being like an eight where it has no lid on it and Mintos are being thrown in and it just is exploding, uh, this really quickly for the nine, our two liter Coke has a lid on it and it is tight. And the world in our emotions and everything external and internal are shaking it up. And we feel all of this pressure, but we wanna be open and receptive. We want everyone to feel great. And so we're like, um, I need to put this two liter coke over here, so we'll withdraw, we'll go put our two liter coke like on a shelf. Maybe we're taking a nap, maybe we're outside. Maybe we're just literally shutting down mentally and emotionally. Um, but it's all because we. Instinctively know that, that this is going on inside us, but we don't even want to own it. We don't wanna talk about it. We just want it to go away. And so that's when you'll find us nines withdrawing or literally just shutting down in your presence. Um, I don't know if, Jeff, do you, do you ever experience this?

jeff 4:24

Um, there are conversations where I have to ask you, like, are, are you leaving this

beth 4:30

conversation? Yeah. Or, or I'll be like, Hey, I can. And because my body literally will start to shut me down and I can start to notice, I'm not even like really hearing him. I don't, I can't even pull up words. I'm so overwhelmed. Or maybe I'm sad, which anger's rising

jeff 4:47

up. I can't imagine what Libby is thinking right now. Hearing. You experience this like that is just another planet.

beth 4:56

So for me, at least I know that this two liter coke is gonna like explode if I don't get it away from the, the circumstance or if I can't disengage from it, disassociate from it. And that's my greatest fear is for it to then spew and disrupt, um, relationships or harm others. And so I would rather withdraw or shut down than have any of that happen. Now, I I, I remember a time we

jeff 5:21

do erupt though. You do erupt. And I remember one specific time here, and you think about the, because you had asked me, we were, we had just gotten onto the highway, near a home and you said like, it, it, it just five minutes down the road. You just asked me the question like, you've been very quiet. I'm just curious, what have you been thinking about since we've gotten on the highway? And I just listed off a number of items.

beth 5:46

Like, we had only been driving for like, maybe five minutes and you probably took 10 or 15 minutes to, to list out all the things that you had been thinking about in those five minutes, and you got upset with me. I was so overwhelmed, like, couldn't even thought I was like, mind. I'm like, whoa. Like you just dumped like a dump truck of worries and thoughts and possibilities and preparedness. And I was like, dude, I just can't,

jeff 6:16

I just can't.

beth 6:19

I'm sure all mines are

jeff 6:19

like, yes. It is a phrase that I have often

beth 6:22

heard. Yeah. I can't,

jeff 6:23

I just can't. I just can't. And it's that way. I can't, I just can't. I just, I just, the more she thinks about Jeff's world, she, I, yeah. I, I don't wanna say that you've said you're too much,

beth 6:35

but you, you are sometimes too much. Well, let's be honest. Every type is too much for the nines. Uh,

jeff 6:42

I don't know. I think they, they might like

beth 6:44

fives. No, they

Kristi 6:47

I do like fives.

beth 6:48

yeah. But they can be too much if they, if they start on a passion of theirs, like something and they just keep talking and talking and talking and talking and like giving us all the data points. Sure. If like, there's a point where we're like, uh, yeah, that's, that's, that's a lot. Yep. So, but you probably won't know because we'll shut down internally and nod our head and be like, oh, this is great. Right, Christie?

Kristi 7:12

Yes. We'll be doing this.

beth 7:14

Yeah. This is great. So, Christie, what has your experience been like as a type IX where you are feeling the, the external world caving in to your peace and harmony that you're trying to create? And then, so it's shaking your two liter coke that has lid on it. It's starting to shake up, it's building all this pressure, and so now you're like, oh my gosh, I don't know what to do. What is that experience like for you?

Kristi 7:40

It is overwhelming.

beth 7:42

Mm-hmm.

Kristi 7:43

I mean, that's the short answer. I, I think when I think about my life before enneagram, like before knowing anything about it, using it as a tool for growth, I'm, I can see so clearly how much of my life was organized around avoiding, well, avoiding a lot of feelings, but especially the feelings of anger, like just, just the ability to be able to, to identify my own anger, which I'm sure, Libby, you do not even relate to this, but just identifying my own anger and seeing it was. Really, really hard for me. And also just when I think back, I was so very unskilled with knowing what to do with it once I saw it. I, I think just being in the presence of anger, whether that's in somebody else or having to acknowledge my own, it just always felt, it felt dangerous and scary to me. And so,

beth 8:40

and what was the, why was it dangerous? What was, what was the fear? What was it gonna harm?

Kristi 8:47

yeah, I think it was a couple things. I was afraid that in acknowledging my own anger, like what was the harm maybe that I would cause, how would I express my anger? Cuz I just, I, as I said, I was very unpr unskilled, not knowing how to give voice to my anger. And so that fear alone of like the harm that I could cause in expressing my anger was really big for me.

beth 9:10

Mm.

Kristi 9:11

And, um, I think also because nines we have this, we have this really largely, almost entirely negative view of anger anyways, which is that anger is this really bad thing that only leads to other bad things, which is anger is gonna always lead to conflict, which is always gonna lead to disconnection for us. And the fear of disconnection for me in my relationships is a huge driver for me. I, I mean, I look back and realize what a big driver it was for me to keep that all tamped down, just keep it suppressed, like nothing's going on here, uh, and how much energy I was expending doing it. It's exhausting to, to do that. And I, I just think the whole process of getting in touch with my anger has been a journey for me. Um, as you know, Beth, I know you relate to this, I think when the feelings of anger take over and, you know, as a gut type, I feel at first, so. I do feel anger in my body. Um, I feel like my heart starts racing too. I relate to what Libby was describing. My heart's racing. I feel almost like this ball of adrenaline has been dropped into my body. I'm all amped up on the inside, and, um, and that just feels overwhelming and scary. And I don't, and, and as nines tend to do when we get overwhelmed like that is Beth, I've heard you say this many times. You describe, it's like a fog machine going on in our minds. We just don't have the clarity in the moment to know what is going on. What, why am I, why am I, what am I even feeling? What am I thinking? I, I just don't have connection really to that. It takes me a while to, I have to withdraw. I have to kind of go away, get, get clarity about that because I rarely know in the moment. I just know that I'm feeling all just kind of amped up.

beth 11:08

Well, and I think Jeff would, and, and let me know if this is true for you, Jeff, when let's say our kids were younger and they would do something that upset me. He's like, well, what's going on? And I'm like pointing out the obvious, like a, like the iceberg that the part that's above the water. Well, they did this and they did that. And he's like, I know, but what's, what's going on in you? Like, what? And I'm like, well, I'm, and then I would, I would say it again. Like, well, they did this and that, you know, and he was just trying, what do you want from me? Exactly. I don't know. And, um, and I, I'm glad that you brought that up because it's a hundred percent true for USS nine s very opposite of the eights. Like, uh, what Libby experiences, she has immense clarity in a, uh, um, What's like a millisecond. Millisecond, that's what I was gonna say. In a millisecond, she knows exactly what's upsetting her and why and how to articulate it in the moment. Whereas for us, like you said, this fog comes up. Now we know we're feeling like a two liter coke. All that pressure that's built up and it's just like, I've gotta expel it, but I can't because I'm so afraid of what it's gonna do to all my relationships and myself. So we have this huge fear. So then we try to keep the lid on it and then all of a sudden all that pressure just brings in like a fogginess, uh, an unaware that all we're thinking about is how to get out of the circumstance to calm the internal world down. And therefore we can't fully know or express ourselves in a way that is actually beneficial for us and the other person. Cause I think a lot of times when I'm talking to Jeff, he's like, he just wants some clarity and I'm meandering around the whole situation. One out of self-protection also. Cause I don't know what we're, what I'm feeling and that can actually create more conflict than what I'm, and so we just wanna go away and we'll go away. We're exhausted. We might go take a nap or you know, whatever it is that the nines each nine does to disassociate. Does this sound true for you as well?

Kristi 13:10

yes. We are notorious for not being very clear in the way that we communicate, wi with when, whenever we've got any kind of feeling or emotion that feels uncomfortable to us. So I

beth 13:23

of like we're.

Kristi 13:24

had to learn.

beth 13:25

kinda like our muscles in this area are atrophied and where we're like the bodybuilders, we're empathetic. You know, we are receptive, we're non-judgmental. We receive people as they are. That's where we're like the bodybuilders, you know, in the Enneagram space. But man, when it comes to knowing ourselves in our inner world and communicating it well, that is where we have a lot of atrophy that we really need to work on. And it's scary, but the more we work on it. Tell us a little bit what it's been like as you've gotten to know yourself and worked on expressing yourself maybe in the moment or close to the moment, and what that's how that has affected your relationships.

Kristi 14:04

Sure. Well, the inroad to me in discovering my anger came through the, the back door of anxiety. So, so years ago I was in therapy. Uh, I was, this would've been in my early twenties. Let's see, no early thirties. This has been 20 years ago. Um, I was, I landed myself in therapy because I was struggling with a lot of anxiety. I was just, I didn't understand what was going on. Why was I so anxious? And as you do in therapy, you're, you know, you're kind of, are, are unpacking some of your old stories. And, and I remember, um, talking about a particular memory with this therapist, and this is not a joke. I remember her looking at me in the face with that really compassionate therapist face and saying, and saying, wow, I just wonder how very angry you were at that time, and maybe still are about that.

beth 14:55

Hmm.

Kristi 14:56

And no kidding. I looked this woman straight in the face probably with a smile on my face. And I said to her, I don't think I could conjure up a feeling about that if I tried. And that is how disconnected I was Like, I knew I was anxious. But I didn't know that I was angry. And so what I had to really learn in, in that season of therapy was how to connect myself to my emotions. Um, and, and in doing so, as I began to, I was really essentially learning how to feel things. And then as I began doing that, guess what I realized? I was actually really angry. The problem was then, you know, what do you do with that anger? And I was also learning that season was so helpful for me because it taught me something about anxiety. So anxiety is that thing, um, that I, I, I, I define anxiety. And my favorite definition of anxiety, I should say, comes from Christian therapist Adam Young, who I know you guys know, love him. Um, right. He says anxiety is, is okay. Hold on a second. I have to pause here. Um, Because I don't wanna misquote him. I don't care if I misquote myself,

jeff 16:16

He's an aid, he can handle it.

Kristi 16:18

I know, I just, I know he is an eight. That's funny. Um, okay, here it is. He says, so Adam Young says, anxiety is what you feel when you are avoiding important emotions. Anxiety is when you push down important core emotions like sadness, grief, and anger. So the thing was, you know, I was getting in touch with those emotions. I was realizing I'm actually really angry. But then the problem was, what do I do with that anger now? as you know, again, my perception of anger at that time was, was really largely so negative. Anger was that thing that always led to conflict, which was always bad, you know, from my perception. And that conflict always led to dis. Disconnection. So this the way that I've kind of had to do a lot of work around this and getting in touch with my anger and then, um, learning how to express it. It's a practice I still actually have to do now, and I'm sure Libby cannot relate to this, but it, it's something I have to do even still today, which is to practice giving expression to it. And that just means I have to create space in my life, in my relationships for the, for the healthy expression of my anger. I mean, that just looks like, it, looks like I have to be willing to give voice to it, maybe even in the moment, which always feels pretty hard and scary for me. It feels really vulnerable. I have to be willing to risk conflict, um, and, and challenge that belief. That conflict always leads to disconnection, which is not true as we know. Like conflict when handled rightly, leads to greater connection and deeper intimacy. The other thing that I really have to remember having learned this lesson about anxiety is that my emotions and especially my anger, it's always gonna seek an exit from my body. And I have the choice. I can open the door for my anger, hopefully in the, in that practice of like expressing it in some, in some form that's healthy or I can suppress it, which of course never leads me to anything good. But in that suppression, all that just means is my anger later is gonna just open the door for me. And the, the problem with with that is, is by the time it does that I it, that will not be on my initiative. I will not have control over when or how that gets expressed. And this is when people will start experiencing that anger shooting sideways from me. Like I might get really passive aggressive. I. All of a sudden, or really stubborn as nines contend to do, or I just shut down completely and withdrawal.

jeff 19:09

Christina, in interested about this, cuz I, my impression as an experience of you is that you have a strong one wing. Is that correct?

Kristi 19:18

I have a very strong one

jeff 19:19

Yeah. And, and and Beth does as well.

beth 19:23

Yeah. Comes more

jeff 19:24

out. Your eight wing is in work. Yeah. But your eight wing is PR strong. I don't know if they're stronger than the other, to be quite honest with you. I, I've got a relationship with both of them. Um,

beth 19:36

and because we work together

jeff 19:37

too. That's right. But I, I am curious. So it, uh, Beth, when you experience anger, what's the fear of when the anger comes out? Um, that you're

beth 19:50

gonna hurt people? I'm gonna either hurt people and I think because that kind of, that, that whole understanding of that we have our muscles are atrophied in this category, that I'm not gonna even know how to use these muscles well. And so yeah, that I'm gonna hurt others or I'm gonna say things that I don't even mean because I'm not well nuanced in my emotional slash anger language. And so by even just opening my mouth, I, what I've experienced over a lifetime is that when I express myself, The response that I get from others now, this is through the grid of the nine lens. Mm-hmm. Is that they're upset, they're hurt. They don't like what I said, I didn't say it right. I could have said it better,

jeff 20:42

or I, do you have a little bit of the it I'm too much, or, well, don't assert yourself

beth 20:47

that feelings. Yeah. Like the false negative childhood message for the nine is don't assert yourself. So here I asserted myself, but I usually get pushback. And now another person might be thinking, oh, we're just dialoguing. You know, like, we're having a good conversation. I'm like, no, this is conflict. And so

Kristi 21:06

And it's bad.

beth 21:07

it's bad, it's wrong. Like, now you're upset and I didn't make you happy and now I'm bad. Now you're not gonna love me. That's the, the result of it all. So then we try to repress it and it becomes like she, like she said, passive aggressive or stubbornness or withdrawal, and it only creates more

jeff 21:23

conflict. So Christie, you're with your inner critic. What does your inner critic say about your anger?

Kristi 21:31

my inner critic largely says pretty much what Beth was saying, that, that I'm not gonna be, I, I'm not gonna be skilled in being able to express my anger in a way that, you know, my heart wants to do it. My heart wants to somehow be able to express it in a way. Of course, that's very respectful and honoring that isn't going to escalate conflict. And so there's a, there's the inner critic there. A little bit is going to be, Um, judging me a bit or overly critical about how I might express that. And of course this, I think that speaks to, to another struggle that nines tend to have, which is we can tend to hold this kind of false belief that to some degree we can manage or control other people's feelings. And, and it's all about, you know, sometimes me not expressing my anger is a, is me thinking that I'm protecting other people from me, from my, from how I might express that and do harm.

jeff 22:31

Right. I mean, Beth has never thought that she could control my emotions

Beth and jeff gut triad 22:35

ever.

Kristi 22:36

That is amazing.

beth 22:38

Yeah. No.

Kristi 22:39

Um,

beth 22:40

If I'm happy, if I'm positive, then everyone else is gonna be right.

jeff 22:44

Sure. And and matter of fact, it shows up in a negative way that whenever I am melancholy Yeah.

beth 22:50

I You assume that it's all your fault. Well, I, and I merge with the energy and then

Kristi 22:55

yes. But merging also makes us more angry because merging does that thing where it triggers us that old belief too, that my presence doesn't really matter. I don't have a voice, right? My voice doesn't matter. Um, so it's a, it's a, it's a cycle. I, I think the cycle that we can get into is that we suppress then that, then the, just the discomfort of the suppression leads us to numbing. And then the numbing, we get stuck there. We, everything's foggy. I feel like it's almost like the engine inside of me just slows down.

beth 23:31

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Kristi 23:32

Uh, I feel a bit dead on the inside. I lose my sense of momentum and just feeling alive and awake. So it's a bad cycle. At the same time, the more I practice giving expression to it. And as you guys know, this is the great news about practicing new things. The more you practice it, every experience builds upon the last, upon the last, right? And my brain has started to figure out, oh, okay. When we're angry, we go this direction. Now we, we move toward expression, not suppression, and then kind of that new neural pathway, if you think of it that way, that gets further cemented every time you do it, um, is great because now my more, my default a little bit is to go toward, you know, the practice of expression, less suppression. Because the fear of getting stuck in the trap of suppression, numbing disconnection is greater for me now than the fear I used to have of just expressing my anger.

beth 24:30

And I love that. And we'll, we'll, uh, move on to Christie with a C type

jeff 24:35

one. I do have a question for Christie with a C about something that you've mentioned. Okay. Christie with her. With her. Yeah. But I want to ask it before we start on the type one, but go ahead

beth 24:45

and finish your thought. Yeah. So what I love about that is, you know, when a two liter Coke is shaken up, We are trying to put it on the shelf, which is our withdrawal or passive aggressiveness, thinking that that is going to release that pressure and it actually doesn't. The best way is to slightly open and close, slightly open and close slightly op, you know, so that it's not spewing everywhere, but you're releasing the pressure. And that's what the nine has to learn to do is in the moment to do the best that we can to release the pressure, to express ourselves, to say what needs to be said. And the more we do that, the more we're going to feel when that pressure comes on and that we actually need to release it quickly in the moment so that it doesn't build to such an uncomfortable place where we, our lid might pop off and it spews all over the place. So I just wanna paint that picture for the nines out there. Trust the Lord in that he has given you a voice. He's given you emotions and learn, and there might be lots of different ways that you have to learn how to build these muscles and expressing your emotions and expressing what's going on. But it's so important that you do because it's gonna benefit you, and it's gonna benefit those that are around you,

Kristi 25:58

Do you know what was the most helpful? Reframe for me was help was when I came to the realization that suppressing my anger, like pretending I'm not angry, um, denying that it's there, I thought I was protecting other people around me from my anger. In reality, what I was doing is I just wasn't telling them the truth.

beth 26:18

Yeah.

Kristi 26:19

So when I under, when I could see it through that lens of like, I'm not being truthful with the people that I care about, right. I could reframe it a little bit and. As I practice giving expression to anger, what I'm discovering is it actually keeps me feeling awake and alive. So I've had to reframe my thoughts about it or like anger and I have had to kind of redefine our relationship a little bit. It's not, it's not my enemy. It actually can conserve as this great fuel in a way to keep me in motion, to keep me from getting really foggy and numb and, and in that trap that I mentioned before, it keeps me, I don't lose

beth 27:01

it passion, you know, anger isn't always this bad thing. It's passion, it's fuel.

Kristi 27:08

more awake when I practice. Practice voicing it. Yeah.

jeff 27:14

Well, I, I wanna make sure we get to one, but I, I, I would, I was gonna ask a question, Christie with a C and who's, uh, a fitness and health coach type, type one mm-hmm. That you were using the term atrophy. And I, I wondered if that was a, a self-determining or limiting belief that you have this muscle that has astro atrophied versus thinking you have a part of you that is ready to go when you are, but you're choosing not to steward it. So it's not that it needs strength, it already has it. And, and I'm curious, Christie, like whenever you're working with people with their bodies and maybe they're fearful, like, oh no, I can't do that particular exercise, or I'm not ready for it, but you know that on an experience, like no, your body is waiting for your mind to go for it because it's, it's ready to grow. Does that, does that resonate with you, Christie?

Christy 28:17

Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Um, well, and especially, you know, on the other hand when a muscle is atrophied, just because it hasn't been in use, you know, you have muscle memory. So, you know, in regards to what you're saying, if you, um, Or not, you know, not thinking clearly or whatever, but it is something that you have done in the past, but you got on that hamster wheel or whatever. Um, it could have atrophied, but it has the memory to know if you flipped the script, you know, I have done this before. I, I am strong in this.

jeff 28:58

Oh, that's

Christy 28:59

I don't know if that makes sense.

jeff 29:00

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Because I experience that having been an athlete, and then whenever I do have seasons where I am exercising regularly, my body remembers, um, and I'm just bringing it back online, but it, we happened to be at a retreat recently and someone, uh, uh, A real cowboy saddled a horse in our presence who had never been ridden before, had a saddle. And most of the conversation was about this horse is going to resist something that actually it was made for. Like it is it's gift. Like it, it has all of the strength necessary and we're gonna put this horse to greater purpose than it has within itself. Mm-hmm. And I think that when I think about nines in that term, I was wondering, uh, just being curious about it, but it made me think of that experience of that horse is ready to go. It just needs leadership. And for the nines to think that it's not that I'm somehow disabled or weakened, but the strengthness needs to be unleashed. And, but it also needs to be directed cuz if it's not directed, then you've got like the issues of the eight of misdirected anger. And, you know, it could, you're, you're dropping atomic bombs in the room, and let's just see what kind of flights we can get into here in the moment. This is gonna be fun. So why don't we go ahead and

beth 30:23

dive into, type in. Yeah, yeah.

Enneagram 1

beth 30:24

So we'll dive into Christie with an m, uh, or, well, this starts with a C.

jeff 30:29

Christie. With a C? Yeah. Not Christie with an m. Well, I mean her last name. Her last name

beth 30:32

isn't M That's right, that's what I was thinking. Um, alright, so the type one s Now when Type one s are aligned with the gospel and they're really healthy, they're going to exhibit wisdom and conviction because they have this ability, ability to be impartial with whatever circumstance they're in. They have this gut knowing of what's right and wrong, what's fair, what's reasonable, what's principle. And so they're gonna bring that to the forefront, which we absolutely need. But when they're misaligned, It's going to actually stir up a few more things in the internal world. So they're gonna start to feel resentment and anger in the internal world because things aren't perfect. And their inner, uh, critic is really pointing things out in a very harsh, demanding way. Like, we have to have this right and perfect. And so they are trying to, uh, to, uh, disconnect or not disconnect, but to repress or get away from what's happening in their internal world, which is the feeling and the knowing that something's wrong. And that just brings up a whole, um, heap of issues for them. And so you're gonna find that instead of suppressing, they're repressing the feeling of anger. Um, but it's there. And so they have their ideals. They, they know what needs to be in order, what needs to be consistent. And so for them, they're going to. Really try to hone in on what is right and what's wrong. But unfortunately, it can come out as criticism. It can come out as being nick picky, uh, judgements onto others. Now, they don't necessarily always know that it's coming out that way. In fact, a lot of times they're thinking that they're just bringing justice to the forefront and they're helping, but that's not how it always lands on other people. So let's paint this picture again with the two liter Coke. Now, we've talked about what the aides are like and what the nines are like, but for the one, it's like they're a two liter Coke with the lid half on, half off. So it's, you know, it's loose. And so then, The world, you know, with the, all the imperfections are shaking this two liter, uh, Coke and so it comes out sideways, right? So it's gonna spew, but it's gonna come out sideways. It's not gonna be as intense and direct as the type eight and it's not gonna be suppressed like the type nine and then explode. It is repressed. And so it's gonna come out sideways. Now, to them they're thinking, but this needs to be said, you know, this is right and this is wrong. This needs to be fixed. I'm just helping everyone. But it can land on other people cuz it's spewing outwardly. It can land on other people as that criticism, it can feel like they're being put down or they're being put in their place or being taught corrected and, and so they're, for the one, it's kind of like, but I'm helping, you know? And so, Christie, can you help us to understand if this is accurate and true, and if so, how has this played a role in your life?

Christy 33:24

Yeah, that is true. It's, it's really interesting about that because when I was really digging into the Enneagram, I didn't really think about that. I had a problem with expressing my anger. And I think that it's because, I mean, it all depends on who I'm with. You know, obviously the people that I'm comfortable with, I don't have a problem with expressing it sometimes, however, now that I've dug into it, I can see where I do repress it. And it does come out sideways as either, maybe not even criticism sometimes, but just being, um, uh, I don't know what the, the word is just, um, I don't know, I guess just sideways, you know, being, um, that word

beth 34:05

it be, what could it be, I know some people said cold or cur in their manner of talking,

Christy 34:12

Yeah. Um, oh gosh, that word, uh, yeah, Kurt, and, um, it will come to me. Uh, but o one example that I think of is, uh, just recently, and usually it comes out more if I feel like, you know, somebody that I really care about. If I see that they're being wronged,

beth 34:36

Yeah.

Christy 34:37

you know, then I can really feel that. And, you know, my husband's a realtor and, uh, with realtors, they, uh, will, you know, go and do a market analysis on somebody's home. And, uh, You know, put all this effort in and then later find out that they listed their house with somebody else. And that's happened a couple times recently. And I, I mean, it, my anger, it kind of goes sideways, I guess, sarcastic, I guess is the word that I was looking for. I get a little bit sarcastic, but I, um, and that way, and, and just feel like that that is just not right, you know? And, you know, I wanna call that person and tell 'em how that's not right.

beth 35:25

Yes.

Christy 35:25

Let.

beth 35:27

Yeah. And so as you've, you know, heard from the nine and the eight and how they deal with their anger, how do you, like, what does it feel like in your body? Cuz you guys are the body, you know, center or the gut type. You have this gut reaction to injustice. And so what does that feel like internally and what is your normal experience in expressing this anger or not repressing it? And what have you found some healthier ways in actually doing that?

Christy 35:56

Yeah, uh, I definitely internally feel it. Um, I think that Libby had said this too, and, and maybe even Christie, I don't know if we all feel it the same way as far as when I feel that I'm getting angry, I feel it like from the inside out and my body starts getting warm, I can feel my heart rate get elevated. Um, and uh, what was the other part of the question?

beth 36:22

Yeah. So then how do you go about whether expressing it or hiding it, repressing it, and then what are the healthier ways you've seen it be done

Christy 36:31

Yeah. Yeah. So for me, um, because I am a yoga instructor too, has been so helpful for me because when I, when I feel that, I definitely, I just take time to pause, take a couple deep breaths, kind of evaluate the situation, you know, what's really going on, where's this anger coming from, and, um, and, how can I redirect it?

beth 36:58

Mm-hmm. Yeah. And

jeff 37:00

I'm just curious, how does it, from feeling it in your body, so you're starting to feel some energy, maybe your heart rate's up, um, and then, I mean, I'm assuming that the one part of you is just, is gonna want to control all of that and tamper it down. Okay. Do what's necessary to calm it down. But at, at some point, do you ever notice in your mind that you become more vigilant about mistakes or errors around you? How does it show up in your thinking when you're starting to feel anger?

Christy 37:35

Uh, yes, I, um, it all depends on how long. Like if I, if I repress it, then I definitely start to, you know, and kind of go about my day. I do notice that I'm more critical of myself, critical of others. I see, you know, everything that's misplaced and not right. Uh, and so that's why I do try to, um, to deal with it as soon as possible. And a lot of times I think that, you know, the, my inner critic, a lot of times when I think about. Anger, I'm more critical of myself and get, you know, more upset at myself about things.

jeff 38:21

yeah. And bethy, that's the, uh, sign of a particular subtype of type one when they're more critical

beth 38:28

of themselves. Right? Yeah. So the self-preservation type one, is this what you

Christy 38:32

Yes, That is.

beth 38:33

Yeah. So the self-preservation type one is gonna look more at themselves and aim the criticism at themselves. The social is gonna be, it's gonna be kind of a hybrid where they're like, um, okay, we've gotta make this right and I gotta do it right, and I've gotta be the model and the role model and the mentor and the teacher, so everyone can follow me and do it right. Um, and so it's kind of like, okay, I gotta fix myself in order to be that person. Um, so it's a little bit of the same, but they're also frustrated with some of the people outside of them that might be contributing or hindering them from being that person. But then the one-to-one, or, uh, some people call it the sexual type one. They're all about seeing all the ears out there, and they're gonna name it and they're gonna bring reform and activism and, you know, be the, the person who changes everything. So they're really, they're looking outside themselves. And it doesn't have to be other people necessarily. It could be what's happening in the world in general. So they, their anchor is pointed outward.

jeff 39:31

So, and the reason why I bring all of this stuff up is because I, for me, as a type six, I have come to recognize when I start to feel lonely, is some element of anxiety or fear, but I don't experience that first. It shows up as, I'm alone and I start thinking in terms of doing life alone. Now, this has nothing to do with Beth and our relationship. She could be as near to me physically and emotionally as possible, and yet I will still feel alone because there's something else going on. And it's interesting, like for the, for the nines, I, I wonder if that feeling of desire to disassociate, to disengage, to put it on the shelf is the symptom that there's actually anger involved. Oh, sure. For the one, it sounds like, Christie, you were talking about when you start to become self-critical, that is the yellow flag that there's something else going on. Uh, Libby, what is, what is it for you? How does kind of anger show up? But at, in a secondary? Is it like, I am ready to fight the world right now? I have so much energy inside.

Libby 40:44

That's pretty accurate. Yeah. I mean, I don't even feel like I have those flags. It's just like I feel it, I know it. I act on it. Right. And so we've kind of talked about that a little bit too, but I think being able to then identify it ahead of time, it's like Christie with a K was talking about, you know, the more you practice it, the easier it becomes that I can start to identify it in advanced instead of just acting on it and not processing it ahead of time.

jeff 41:10

Awesome.

Kristi 41:11

I think what you're mentioning, Jeff, is so helpful that every type has kind of a particular. Behavior that serves a bit as a wake up call. And numbing is for sure that, for me, numbing is that when I notice that I'm kind of checking out or foggy in my mind, or I suddenly, you know, I have this deadline of something that I have to do that's due tomorrow, but suddenly it's like totally urgent. I have to clean my desk out right now and I have to do laundry and I've gotta do 10 other things in service of not doing the thing that I'm supposed to be doing. Any kind of numbing behavior or just escaping, wanting to flee. I mean, I'm a, I can be such an emotional flight risk in those moments. That's my wake up call.

jeff 41:57

I love that term, an emotional flight risk.

Kristi 42:01

I

jeff 42:02

Beth may or may not hear that in the future.

Kristi 42:05

Yes. And, and it's like the warning light on my dashboard to say, Something's going on it, to me, it's the warning light that there are emotions there that are I'm not paying attention to, and it usually shows up in anxiety. For me. That's just how, the way that it shows up for me, but it's anxiety. And then that leads me to that discovery of, okay, what's going on emotionally for

jeff 42:29

In if f S terms internal family systems, they call it a trail head. It's

Kristi 42:33

mm. Yeah.

jeff 42:35

we're not fully aware of, but if we walk the path, we'll start, it'll attune us to

beth 42:39

our real hearts. Yeah. Chrissy, with a C what can you, after hearing everyone nuanced, and we kind of talked about, you know, the criticism, but can you kind of walk us through some other yellow flags or, or even paint a broader picture?

Christy 42:52

Yeah. Uh, um, yellow flags, um, anytime that I feel, um, uh, anger, uh, um, let me think for a minute. It's hard to get when you're in a good space. It's hard to remember, you know?

beth 43:15

Oh, totally. Yeah. It's like, what? I don't have any acre issues. Things are going great. Right.

Christy 43:23

Um, yeah. I just, anytime that, you know, for me, whether it is for myself or again, you know, seeing injustice for somebody else, It's just for me, the way that I feel in my body, I can tell right away when I'm gonna start getting angry. And it's usually, um, well, and actually one example of the other day, I mean, and this was kinda silly, but, uh, I had to make a recipe for something for our life group at church on Sunday night. And being the one, you know, I wanna be all perfect and make sure that I have all my ducks in a row and stuff. And, um, I looked at my recipe, thought I had all my things. And, uh, the day before, luckily I realized that I didn't have the butter for it. And right away I, you know, it was a yellow flag that, that negative, um, that critic, inner critic was coming to my mind of, oh my gosh, what is wrong with you? You know? Um, and so that can get me in a downward spiral and, um, And then not wanting to ask for help, which my husband is more than happy to stop after he gets off of work to get. But I just make a bigger deal out of it. And so, you know, I just have to kinda regroup a little bit and, you know, think about, you know, well where is that coming from? Why are you getting so upset? And it's so funny about the inner critic thing because until I started working on the Enneagram and learning more about myself, I thought that everybody had that.

beth 45:06

Mm-hmm.

Christy 45:07

And when I took the Enneagram test, I wanted so bad to be a seven cuz they seemed like the fun people and didn't have, didn't have that. And so, um,

beth 45:16

all? And then, and then you learn, oh, they've got their stuff too. Yeah.

jeff 45:21

Um, well, Chrisy, I

Christy 45:22

Yeah. We all have our stuff.

jeff 45:24

Um, and I've never thought of this before Beth, but I do wonder if it was a part of my life mm-hmm. Uh, in relation to my anxiety. So in, in high school and college, I was a place kicker. And one of the things about place kickers in football is, um, flexibility. And I'm not sure why they think it's such an important thing. I'm not, cuz I could kick a soccer ball forever, even before. But, uh, starting my junior of high school, um, throughout the week, I had a strength and conditioning coach that would stretch me for about 30 minutes. And Beth would look at when you're in college, say like, what is

beth 46:07

that man doing to you? It looked like a pretzel. I'm like, this can't be okay.

jeff 46:13

And, but I, it's interesting to think about that because, so Christie, you're a yoga teacher and, and I do wonder, because I always feel an element of relief when I start to stretch in those ways. Like, I, like I, I immediately go back anytime I feel tightness and you see me stretching sometimes at night. Uh, and like I, I feel so much better about my life stretching. Um, but, and it's not necessarily the pain of it cuz they, they overdid it and it was kind of crazy at times. But, but Chrissy, tell us about how does yoga help you? But I, I'd love to frame it in this way. How does yoga help you with your inner critic in making it a bigger deal than it needs to be?

Christy 46:56

yeah. That's a great question. Uh, just learning to slow down. And in my yoga classes, because it's Christ-centered, I always have an intention for the class. So we talk about, um, peace and our thoughts or you know, just different things. And for me,

jeff 47:13

when I was being stretched, I, we were not talking about those things.

Christy 47:16

No, I, I bet not. Yeah. Um, but just learning to slow down and, um, and learning to breathe.

beth 47:30

Mm-hmm.

Christy 47:31

And, um, there is something about, you know, moving your body in any way. But with yoga, I think slowing down and really stretching like that. I mean, for myself, I mean, I just feel like the Holy Spirit is present in that, and that, you really, you're releasing a lot of things that you don't even realize. And I mean, I've had people in tears and yoga, you know, for reasons that they can't even explain. And the same for, for myself, you know, it's just a way,

beth 48:04

Well, and also, you know, Christie with type one s. They pretty much lived their whole life believing that the inner critic was God or the Holy Spirit. And then we come around and I'm like, no. The Holy Spirit is not bringing judgment and shame and condemnation. The Holy Spirit is kind, goodness, love, peace, gentleness like you know, the fruits of the spirit. And what was that like when you had that aha moment?

Christy 48:36

Uh, so refreshing and also even knowing that, uh, um, just the revelation that there's only one person that's perfect and it, and it's definitely not me, you know, but the fruits of the spirit. I mean, that's, that's really, uh, that's a good analogy to think about that, you know, all those things. Yeah.

jeff 49:02

Well, Christie, um, in, in all the rest of the numbers, uh, just as an encouragement, if ones can't do it and be perfect, then uh, none of them, the rest of

beth 49:10

us can. So, so let's just lean on Jason.

Christy 49:13

Yeah. Yeah.

beth 49:14

Thank goodness for him. That's

jeff 49:15

because you're making the best attempt of all of us. Yeah. And, uh,

beth 49:18

that's still not hitting it. Well, guys, where can people find you? Your certified enneagram coaches with Y E C? Um, so where can they find you? Uh, tell us websites and social handles and all the, the great places that you guys are

jeff 49:32

at. Yeah. Libby, let's start with you. Mm-hmm.

Libby 49:34

All right, well again, um, expand coaching and consulting. So you can find me at www.expandcoachingandconsulting.com. Um, but my Instagram handle is Enneagram two expand, and that's where I am most active on social media. Um, but I would love to chat and help anybody. Um, my little tagline is challenging people to push beyond and, and expand their boundaries. So, um, hopefully folks are interested in that and reach out to me.

jeff 50:06

Great. Thanks Livie and Christie with a K.

Kristi 50:10

Yes, you can find me on the Y E C network. With you guys and you can find me@overflowenneagram.com. And yeah, I, I would love to chat with you too. I, I, I kind of work from this idea that everybody is leading somebody. We all are leading somebody, whether it's your, your children or your friends or your colleagues or whatever. And, um, I just like the idea that when it, when it comes to serving leaders do go last. I know that Simon Cenek says that when it comes to serving leaders go last. But when it comes to growing, leaders go first. And

beth 50:52

That's good.

Kristi 50:53

it's just, I think so much, I spend a lot of my time thinking about the idea of who we are becoming, who we are becoming in Christ, and who we are becoming matters. Um, so there you go. Overflow engram.com and Yuc network.

beth 51:08

Great. And Christie with a C.

Christy 51:10

Yeah, and I too am on the Y E C network and you can find me on Instagram, Christie, uh, lowercase lower dash misler, and then on Facebook, uh, fitness Training Unlimited, and, uh, website too. Fitness training unlimited.com.

beth 51:27

Great. Well guys, thank you so much. And for those of you that are interested in, uh, getting in touch with them, like they said, they're on our, uh, y e C coaches network, uh, and they're our directory. And all you

Find a Coach

beth 51:38

gotta do is go to myenneagramcoach.com. So again, that's myenneagramcoach.com. Put their names in the search, and there they are, and you can connect with them and learn more about them or the websites and the, uh, Instagram handles that they told you. But guys, thank you so much for joining us today. We hope that you've really learned a ton about the gut triad, the eights, nines, and ones. Whether that's you or someone that you love and that this has been beneficial, we hope that you'll share it. We're also on YouTube, so check us out there and you can see all these beautiful faces. Um, and we hope that if, for those of you that are interested and you just are always sharing the enneagram with the next person, you can't help it.

Become a Coach

beth 52:16

Maybe you need to be an enneagram coach like these three. So if you are interested, uh, just email us at info your enneagram coach.com and we'd be happy to have someone talk with you about what being a coach is all about. But as always, remember, the Enneagram reveals your need for Jesus, not your need to work harder, because it's the gospel that transforms us. We'll see you next time.