Introduction

Brian 1:11

Hey everyone. I'm Brian Lee coaching and operations manager at your Enneagram coach. And I'm joined by my good friend, Adam Breckenridge, who's the director of coaching at YEC. Adam and I have the privilege of working together to serve our community of certified Enneagram coaches. And for the next few episodes, we're going to be standing in for our friends, Beth and Jeff. To host your Enneagram coach, the podcast. Thanks Brian. It is our mission to help you see yourselves with astonishing clarity so you can break free from self condemnation, fear, and shame by knowing and experiencing the unconditional love Forgiveness and freedom in Christ. And if you love this content, then turn on the automatic downloads or like and subscribe to our YouTube channel. Also share this with someone who would enjoy or benefit from this content. That's right. And on this episode of the podcast, we're going to be talking about how we can use the Enneagram to get along with our coworkers. And now some of you may be mentally checking out because you're thinking I'm a stay at home mom, or I run, run and own my own business or some other. Disqualifying thought, and I want to encourage you to hang in there with us because even though this episode is titled and aimed at relationships with our coworkers, the beauty of the Enneagram is that it works in all of our relationships.

Adam 2:30

That's right. Part of what makes the Enneagram wisdom so universal and applicable is that. Everything hinges on our relationships with others. And the Enneagram is the best tool we know of that helps us to see and know ourselves and others and relate to one another in a healthy way. We've often heard from lots of people who learned the Enneagram and suddenly feel like they've discovered a blueprint or an operating manual for life and how to do relationships. So as you watch or listen to this episode, whether. Um, you're thinking of a boss, a coworker, a partner, a child, a friend, a neighbor, uh, a family member, whoever it is, this episode is for you.

Brian 3:10

Yep. So Adam, you and I have both worked together, or we are working together and we've worked in a number of different places, right? So I've worked in churches, college campuses, Starbucks, retail, and more. How about you?

Adam 3:25

Well, it's kind of like we're the same person, Brian, because I too have worked in churches on college campuses at Starbucks and in retail.

Brian 3:34

Amazing.

Adam 3:35

Um, I also worked for a couple of years for UPS while putting myself through seminary, uh, but overall I've spent. as you have, uh, Brian, over 20 years in vocational ministry in some form or fashion. So that's primarily my background.

Brian 3:51

Amazing. I knew we had some similarities, just not that much.

Adam 3:56

Did you ever load trucks for UPS? Cause that would be a little, a little eerie. Okay. All

Brian 4:00

Never. I unloaded them for Starbucks and Banana Republic. Uh, but never for

Experiencing the Enneagram in the Workplace

Brian 4:06

UPS. Um, so let's see if we can stretch those similarities any further, right? I imagine you'll have some similar experiences to mine. Um, but what I... Definitely notice is an absolutely distinct difference from places where I've worked before I knew about the Enneagram to places that I worked after. And I should mention that it really had absolutely nothing to do with the actual workplaces or the environments themselves, but about my own level of awareness in the way that I operate and then how others operate as well. Right. So as a type one, I'm motivated by the need to be good, perfect, have integrity, constantly improve myself and my environment. You couple that with years that I spent in churches, often under authoritarian leaders, and you can spot the makings of a really rigid and fear filled life. So I grew up just terrified of making a mistake of not doing something the right way or the best way or the perfect way. Um, it's like, I would just recognize that I could or should have done something better. As a one mistakes, jump out at me as if to say, notice me, fix me, right? Imperfections, typos, errors. Somebody moved something in the room. That picture on the wall is hanging a little bit crooked. So it should come as no surprise to anyone that I grew up to be extremely critical. And highly judgmental. And it's not, if it's, it's not as if it was all one way, like coming out of me towards other people. What you have to recognize for ones is that all of that criticism and judgment is aimed at you first. And then when I can't take it anymore, it spills out on everyone else around me. So I genuinely thought it was helpful to other people to point out. Mistakes that they had made and you can imagine it doesn't really go well or is received well Um, and once I finally entered the workforce You can imagine that it wasn't easy for me to admit or own a mistake that I ever made Being fully aware that I am making them all the time It's usually easier to shift blame to deny or to work to fix it before someone notices that I made a mistake And somehow I carry this assumption that if I make a mistake and admit it That I will be fired. I don't know where that came from. It was just baked into me somewhere along the way. Um, so here I am a fully grown adult pre Enneagram at this point, I'm working in a church as part of creative arts department, and we had a really big event. And one of my coworkers dropped the ball big time and did not get something done. That was fairly important to what was happening. And we had to really scramble to fix the error. Right. Um, so the week after the event is over, we're having our departmental meeting and our director calls him out on it. And here I am sitting in the room feeling extremely uncomfortable because like, Oh, no, my friend is about to get fired. Well, he goes, you're absolutely right, Mike. I totally dropped the ball. My bad. And I'm like, and Mike goes, okay, just don't let it happen again. And I sat there literally my jaw hanging open, like bouncing between the two of them, like, did that just happen? Like you're allowed to just say, I'm sorry, my bad. And that's it. And I learned such an important lesson that day that it's okay. To admit and own your fault and that grace does actually exist. Um, this is before I knew the Enneagram. Once I learned the Enneagram, I'm working at a different church at this point. And on the day that I discover I'm a type one, it just wrecks me for the day. I put my head down on the desk for about 30 minutes. I'm like, Oh God, what is happening to me? I've never felt this scene and understood. And. Understood myself. And then it felt like this grace has always been preached at me. Grace has always been pushed at me by my mentors and pastors and leaders. And just saying, Brian, you just need more grace in your life. And I always remember thinking, yeah, I know, but how, and understanding my type for the first time felt like I experienced the grace of God, just washing over me. Like it's okay to not be perfect because no one ever expected you to be. And so once I received and discovered that grace for myself. It allowed me to make mistakes and be okay with it. It allowed me to release things before they were completely done or perfect the way I wanted them to be. And then of course, as a result, I discovered grace for other people. I remember another example, pre Enneagram, I used to work as the graphic designer, um, at, uh, at my college. And I had a work study student who was under me. And I remember telling him, I was like. Listen, every pixel has to have a purpose and an intent for why it's there. And I was just so hard on him. And I demanded so much from this poor college sophomore. Um, and I've apologized, I apologize to him since then, but it's just like the level of exacting criticism that I would have in the standards of excellence. I would hold myself and others to Recognizing what that was like to be on the other side of me, wrecked me. And then also receiving the grace of not having to do that immediately allowed me to extend that to other people who worked for me or around me. Right. So we get to the point where something similar happens to me, like it did in that creative arts meeting where I mess something up. Not to the same degree, but it was still, I felt the weight of responsibility for it. And so what I did as I took a huge, what felt like big risk to me to just own it and apologize. Yep. You know what? I'm really sorry. I totally missed that. That was my fault. And to my delight and surprise, everything was fine. Yeah. You know what? At the end of the day, it wasn't such a big deal. Thanks for owning it. And that was it. And imagine I can so easily imagine what would have happened if I resorted to my old habits. And just tried to deny it, deflect it, or dismiss it. It's like, no, no, no, that totally wasn't my fault. It was this person, or I wasn't the one who, right? It's like, it was such a incredible act of grace to admit that I was wrong and be okay with it and to receive grace and forgiveness for it. And then that grace has ramifications that spread out towards all of my other working relationships. Relational things that go back and forth. If I can have grace for myself, then I can extend it to others and not demand perfection from them. Right. So do you have any examples of responding differently to similar situations?

Adam 10:41

I do. Thanks for your, your story, Brian. Um, I, I, I, I want to point out it's one of the things that our therapist friends say, uh,

Brian 10:50

Yeah.

Adam 10:50

to why they love the Enneagram is this tool really does have a way of kind of, uh, accessing the right side of the brain, not, not bypassing the, the, the left brain, but getting at that right side of the brain into kind of the core underlying brain. You know, motivations that are driving us. And when you said something earlier of I've heard about grace my whole life, I've taught about grace. I've had grace taught at me. Um, but now I'm experiencing it. Like I think that's what happened to you in that moment is all of a sudden the right brain is accessed and awakened. And, um, I, I love that story and I have a very similar story. Um, so. You know, my anxiety as a pastor was the precursor to my discovering the Enneagram and working with an Enneagram coach. I, um, grew up with a lot of fear. It's beyond the scope of this episode to get into my family of origin. baggage. But I grew up in a in an environment that did not produce a lot of stability. So there was some fear, some anxiety that I just trafficked in that kind of was my normal. I wouldn't have even recognized it as anxiety or fear. It was more like air. that, that, that, that I breathed. church, doing well,

Brian 12:11

Silence. Silence.

Adam 12:18

recognized, I'm, uh, being sent out to launch a second campus and, and some things like that. I'm, uh, our church is growing, you know, everything on the surface looks like it's trending in the right direction. And. just inside. I'm unraveling and, um, and I'm starting to have panic attacks. I'd never had a panic attack before. Um, those are, those are very painful. You know, the first one I had, I thought I was dying. I thought I was actually having a heart attack, lots of fear, lots of self doubt, just lots of not believing that I belonged, uh, and mattered that I felt like a fraud on the team. Um, and, and I would compensate. with, you know, for these things by overthinking, overperforming, overfunctioning, which I learned later learned after discovering that I'm a type six, I was baptizing my overfunctioning and calling it loyalty,

Brian 13:15

Okay, man.

Adam 13:17

faithfulness, you know, being a B. I didn't know I didn't have language for that. I didn't know that I was a type six, but I was a I prided myself on being a dutiful, hardworking, dependable, loyal team member. I mean, if you put this on my plate, I'll say yes and I'll do it and I'll, I'll knock it out of the park. And, um, and so that over functioning was really a survival strategy for trying to overcome all this stuff that's starting to unravel. A lot of this anxiety and self doubt sort of latched onto my preaching. Um, there was just a ton of pressure. that I put on myself, but also that was baked into the culture to kind of hit home runs and grand slams. Um, uh, when it comes to sermons and I felt so afraid that if I fail, like you said, Brian, I'm going to get fired. And And, uh, and so now I'm not gonna have, I'm not gonna be able to provide for my family. So there's a lot of self preservation fears going on there. But I'm also just afraid that I'm going to lose relationships. I'm going to lose my place and my sense of significance. These people aren't going to love me anymore. So I'm going to be abandoned. Um, if I fail, they're not going to want me. Um, and when you, Add to that fear, this feeling of self doubt that I'm an imposter and I don't really belong on a stage speaking to people about God's word. I, I was, it was just a very anxious time in my life and it was starting to affect my relationships at work and at home. I'll never forget the story of, um, it was a Saturday. I wasn't taking days off back then. It was a Saturday, and I had worked all day on my sermon for Sunday, and I came up Saturday evening from from my study, which was down in our finished basement. I came up upstairs, um, for dinner, and when I walked through the door, my wife said, You look like a ghost. And she said, if something doesn't, doesn't change, you're not going to make it to 40. That was, that was the words that came out of her mouth.

Brian 15:24

Um, Thank you.

Adam 15:24

So I came back, I talked with our team. Our team was like, yeah, we've kind of been trying to tell you this for a while. Um, that, that, you know, you're not okay. And so reached out for help, uh, found an, uh, an Enneagram coach, which I didn't know what the Enneagram was that actually this person was found for me. I was basically told you're going to work with this coach. This is, this is going to be the guy that you're going to work with. And I remember the first call I had with my coach. He said, do you know what the Enneagram is? And, uh, he sent me a link, told me to take this assessment. He said, I want to go over your results with you. And I was skeptical initially about this thing. I didn't, you know, I couldn't find it in the Bible. There wasn't a Bible verse about it. So it kind of, it kind of scared me a little bit.

Brian 16:10

Silence. Yep.

Adam 16:12

And so, um, uh, we went through the whole typing process and I discovered that I'm a type six and it was a rediscovery in one sense, a rediscovery, but in another sense, a revolutionary discovery, a brand new discovery of God and of myself. And it's like you said, Brian, I remember, um, you know, that line from Psalm 139 of, of search me and know me. And I felt searched and known by, by God, which was incredibly vulnerable and scary to be known on that level. But, but I also felt it was crazy. I also felt accepted.

Brian 16:53

Yeah.

Adam 16:53

So I felt, I felt accepted, you know, I felt God's acceptance through the compassionate gaze of my coach. I felt God's acceptance through the compassionate face of my wife. As I began to share with her, like I'm an Enneagram six. And of course, my next move was you, honey, you have to take the Enneagram. So it's like, and I realized that she's a type nine. And, and so I felt, I felt accepted. And so it's like you said, Brian, I think it, I think I began to taste. It's like Jonathan Edwards, you know, has, he talks, he talked about there's a difference between the man who knows that honey is sweet because he has heard about honey and he's read about honey. And then there's the man who knows that honey is sweet because he's tasted it and experienced it himself. And it was honestly, that's what it was like for me. It was like the gospel is now no longer just the left brain reality, but now I have this explosive new relationship with God that is experiential and I have a knowledge that surpasses knowledge and it's because of the way the Enneagram is such a effective tool for the gospel. So now here I am post Enneagram, I go back into pastoring and preaching and teaching and is my fear fixed? No, it's my self doubt. Uh, is my self doubt fixed? Absolutely not. The biggest difference going back to work post Enneagram is naming and befriending my fear. So instead of shaming my fear, which which I had done you know, most of my life, uh, because men aren't supposed to be afraid, right? That's that's sort of the cliche thing, like fear is a sign of weakness. Um, you know, and so I, instead of shaming my fear, I embraced it as a place to meet with God. And instead of, instead of naming my fear as the thing that's wrong with me, it became kind of the doorway into intimacy with God and not only intimacy with God, but it became the doorway into courage. So I feel like the Enneagram gave me permission to be afraid. Here I am preparing a sermon. I've got to stand up and preach, you know, to a thousand people. Uh, I mean, this is not a small church, and I'm going to admit that I'm afraid. I'm very afraid. I'm going to admit that I feel some self doubt and I'm going to befriend these parts of me and in the process I'm discovering how courageous I am. So, I would say in short, I could go on and on about this, but because of this self clarity, with God's help, I'm able to have, like you said, Brian, much more compassion and grace for myself, which in turn has empowered me to show a lot more compassion and grace. For others. And that's been the biggest difference. The Enneagram has made in my life.

Brian 19:49

Yeah, I love that. Thank you so much for sharing that too. And I'm, you know, my hope. With this episode and just us sharing those stories is that everyone else who's watching or listening can kind of discover that own story for themselves. Right. The gift of self awareness. Um, and I think especially in Christian spaces, for some reason, there's this fear of awareness. Or like you said, even identifying, it's like, I don't know if there's a verse about the Enneagram in the Bible, so is this really from God? And it's just, I mean, there are so many quotes that you and I could share, right, from whether it's John Calvin or St. Augustine, or just like, help me grant, Lord, that I might know myself, that I might know Thee.

Adam 20:30

that's right.

Brian 20:31

Search me and know me, right? You know me inside and out, and all these things that are written throughout Scripture that don't say Enneagram on them, but they are calls for us to recognize. Who we are and how we are created so that we can be more fully integrated into the body of Christ.

Adam 20:50

That's right.

Brian 20:51

And isn't that what this is about? Whether it's co workers or people at home or whoever that we are in relationship with, that the gift of diversity and the gift of our differences, instead of being there to divide us, should bring us together. And when you have the level of awareness that you just shared, so really vulnerably, this idea of... Operating out of fear and learning how to befriend it, um, helps bring other people alongside you because we're not operating out of a self preservation need to be on top or be in charge or to know everything, but it allows us to discover humility and say, Hey guys, I, I need help. This is not the me show. I can't do this on my own. So would you help me with, right? Um, and I think it's just so valuable. And over the last few episodes, you and I have talked a lot about triads and different groupings of three. So I think it'd be really helpful today to review and summarize them kind of in one place in one episode. And then I'd love to add one more to the mix that we don't often hear about.

Adam 21:56

Yeah. So let's start with centers of intelligence, which show how we take in and process information. They also reveal some common struggles and desires, and we'll move through these pretty quickly. So you have eight Types eight, nine, and one in the body center. Um, or sometimes people call that the gut triad. They process information by doing, they share a common struggle with anger and a desire for justice and autonomy. Then you have types 4 in the heart center who process with their feelings, share a common underlying emotional struggle with shame, and a desire for a significant identity. They want to know that they belong and matter to someone. And then finally, we have types five, six and seven in the head center, who process by thinking, who share a common struggle with fear and a desire for safety and security. And again, what we want you to take notice of is just how differently we view the world. Also, uh, it's, it's. We need, I think we need to call attention to the fact that each type develops strategies in an attempt to overcome or compensate for those emotional struggles and those desires that they share within their triad. So the centers of intelligence help us to name the internal motivations that are driving much of our behavior. So the root that's producing a lot of the fruit, if you will, and when we can pause long enough to remember that. even and especially with our coworkers or people that you're doing close relationship with our capacity for grace can expand so much.

Brian 23:33

Yeah, that's so good. Um, so that's centers of intelligence. And then we've also talked about stances, which are determined by our repressed center. They also show us our approach to other people and relationships and our orientation to time. So ones, twos, and sixes. are in the dependent stance, which is also often called the dutiful or compliance stance. They are repressed in their thinking, which means they're not doing productive thinking. They're just overthinking all the time. That's me and you, right? Um, we move toward others usually for affirmation of what we think we want to do.

The Enneagram Stances

Brian 24:07

But don't want to take action on and we're tethered to the present it means normally if it's out of sight It's out of mind. We're just thinking kind of right here right now Compare that to threes sevens and eights in the assertive stance They are repressed in their feelings because feelings take time and I don't have time because I have too much to do So they move against others or more accurately they stand independent of They don't really care what other people think about what they're doing. They're just going to do it, right? And they're tethered to the future. They're kind of always looking ahead and planning ahead and just thinking so quickly to get there. And then we've got the fours, fives and nines who are in the withdrawn stance. They are repressed in their doing, which doesn't mean that they don't do things. They're often doing things a lot. And every once in a while, It's the thing that actually needs to be done. They tend to pull away from or move away from others, and they're tethered to the past. And it doesn't mean they live there. It just generally means that everything that has meaning today can be connected to something else that they remember. And so when it comes to the workplace, I feel like just understanding how we view time differently. Even in the same room can be a game changer. If you think of meetings where the assertive leader is casting vision for six months down the road, and then all the dependent people in the room kind of raise their hand, like, yeah, but how are we going to do that? Like there's so many steps between here and there. And then all the withdrawn people are just thinking they're sitting, remindering, remembering the last time we tried that. And so instead of getting frustrated or lashing out at all the wet blankets in the room who just can't get on board, imagine a boss or a leader who would be able to recognize and appreciate how each type is seeing time differently. And then valuing the fact that people have some people who have no issue putting out their voice. While others require a lot more courage and energy to speak up. And so, Adam, can you just imagine the workplace if you and I had had this experience where we've been, where we recognize this for ourselves and each other, where maybe the loudest voices aren't always the ones who are rewarded or get their way, and maybe for the quiet ones, we value even more and give more weight to when they speak up rather than dismissing what they have to say.

Adam 26:21

Oh, was it Mark Twain who said if we were supposed to talk more than we listen, we would have two mouths and one ear.

Brian 26:29

Yeah.

Adam 26:29

There's a reason why God gave us, gave us two ears and one mouth. And so I think, um, it, it is so that we would listen to one another. Um, so yeah, can I imagine a workplace like that? Yeah. I think now I'm at a point in my life where I'm actually experiencing that. And so there's, there's. So much more empathy. There's so much more synergy. There's so much more, um, camaraderie, I think because we have an ability to see and hear and understand one another. So we've reviewed the centers of intelligence and stances. And now today we want to take a look at one more triad and that is the relational triad. The relational triad shows how your childhood relationships form

Relational Triad

Adam 27:10

the expectations of your adult relationships. It helps you become aware of your unique expectations and needs in a relationship. By learning about this triad and how you relate to others based on, uh, your earliest relationships, it can give you a greater empathy and understanding toward your coworkers and others as you realize that not everyone has the same style and expectations as you. And by becoming aware of your relational strategies and expectations, you can bring them to Jesus so that you can begin to experience healing for your wounds and, and those false narratives. That kind of plague you and you can begin to find a peaceful balance. So Brian, why don't you kick us off and take us through each

Brian 27:54

Love to. So the first one is the frustration triad, and this includes ones, fours, and sevens. And the frustration triad is called that because they have an ideal in mind for how relationships So should work for how the world should work, and they know that they'll never really have it or reach it. So they constantly live frustrated. Doesn't that sound great? This is me. Um, they know what will make them happy and yet they rarely feel like they'll ever have it. And then the kicker is even if they feel like they will obtain the object that they thought would make them happy. They're disappointed because it doesn't measure up to what they had hoped for or what they had built up in their mind. So 1's, in that frustration triad. 2's, 5's, and 8's live it in the rejection triad, and they feel like other people won't quite care for their needs. So they reject their own needs as well. So they use their gifts in hopes of not being dismissed in the future. They feel rejected because they don't believe other people care about their needs, which causes them to further deny their own needs. And then often they believe that they only have one gift and so they use it. In hopes of not being rejected by others again. And then finally, the attachment triad includes threes, sixes and nines. So they feel attached to something in order to get their needs met. So they adapt themselves to the important people or things in their life. And their sense of self is typically attached to something that they think will bring them fulfillment or that they perceive as good. So to feel attached and get their needs met. Both circumstantially and relationally, they will adapt themselves to the important people or things in their life. So Adam, what do you hear as it relates to working with or relating to others there?

Adam 29:49

Well, what I, so I can tell you what I hear, what I feel is a lot of compassion. You know, I have, I have been in workplace environments where, um, I'm sorry, everybody, I'm going to switch into a sports metaphor here. Um, you know, when you have, when you have a starting. you know, defensive back who, you know, let's say this is a, this is a pro bowl defensive back and this person gets injured and goes out of the game and that they're going to put in this rookie. Everybody knows where the quarterback is going to throw next. Right. They're going to pick on the rookie. Um, and they're because, because they're going to attack the weakness, right? And so, you know, having been in workplace environments where weaknesses are shamed or weaknesses are used against you, I feel loads of compassion. And I think the Enneagram is a tool that helps us envision a different way of relating that honestly, truly partners with. The kind of vision Jesus has for his kingdom, where, um, in our weaknesses, his power is made perfect and our weaknesses are not something that's you that are used against us, but it's actually a place where we draw near one another with. with, with, with grace, with empathy, with mercy. So, you know, I just imagine if you're, as you're listening to this, think about your own, uh, which relational triad you find yourself in and the way you've been shaped to relate through your earliest relationships. But also think about, think about this as it relates to your coworkers. I mean, the, the, the, and, and, and how does that foster. A completely different work environment, uh, of, of compassion and grace. Um, so, I mean, that's, that's what goes off in me, Brian. What, what goes off in you?

Brian 31:39

I love that. I'm not sure anymore. Cause when you said compassion, it's just kind of derailed everything and brought it to that same idea. It's this idea that when we're able to recognize and admit that not everyone sees the world that way you do, and we are given the tools to see through someone else's eyes, I mean, isn't that empathy and compassion, right? And to recognize that. All these different people walk outside in the world constantly frustrated because they're never going to have what they want that is that evokes compassion and empathy. It's like, Oh man, that must be so hard for you or for other people who just feel like they're constantly going to be rejected. So they're just scrambling to get their needs met, thinking no one will meet them. It's like, Oh, I'm so sorry. You feel that way. How can I serve you?

Adam 32:28

Yeah.

Brian 32:28

Or that there's, it really, really does. And then same thing for the attachment triad. It's like, there are people out there who are just attaching themselves to these things, to their jobs, their identity, their relationships, whatever that thing is, so there's peace of mind. Um, and to feel like that can be taken away from them at any point. When we have the fuller view of where people are coming from. It is just so helpful. And like you said at the beginning, it's it offers that blueprint or that operating system for the way people work. Um, and I think having that view of the centers of intelligence of the stances of this relational triad, um, while it can be helpful to recognize where other people are coming from, I think what is The most helpful, like we talked about at the beginning is just recognizing where you're coming from. If you can just start there and identify which center you come from. You may not be familiar with your type. You may not be exactly sure. And you kind of go back and forth and that's okay. Um, it's just a starting point. And what I like about triads is that it simplifies things a little bit. Instead of having to pick out of nine, you can just pick out of three things. Am I operating out of my head, heart, or gut? Do I feel like I, you know, and ask that question for each of these different triads, um, and just recognizing where you're coming from helps you to recognize what you focus on. And we've heard so many other coaches and teachers say this is like, when you see what you're always focusing on, you will also begin to see what you're constantly missing, right? If I'm constantly thinking about the future, I can start to recognize, Oh, I'm missing what's happening right here. Because I'm always thinking forward, right? Or whatever that is. And I think that's the beginning of this journey of self awareness. So in all of our relationships with our co workers, with our peers, with our bosses, with our direct reports who may be under us and reporting to us, recognizing that my way doesn't have to be the only way all the time, and certainly there's accountability, certainly there's responsibility, certainly there's all these things, but what if we approach these things with a little more grace, compassion, and empathy? In a way that makes room for our humanity, that makes room for our errors, that makes room for our personal lives, which we bring with us to work every day and say, Hey, it's, you know, this doesn't seem like you is everything. Okay. Instead of, oh, you missed this deadline, you're toast. Right. Um, and I think like you're saying, it just, it gives us so much more room for that compassion.

Adam 35:10

You have to do relationship with the people that you work with. Uh, you don't, you know, they're, those people are not machines. They're not cogs in a wheel. And so, um, I think about Kurt Thompson's four S's of people are just long to be seen, soothed, safe and secure. So if I know these things, if I, if I know that, okay, to feel attached and get your needs met, you're adapting yourself. And becoming codependent with the boss or with, and, and, or with, with your direct report or what, or with me or with whatever, it's like, now I know how to, first of all, see you, I know how to, uh, relate to you in a way that, that soothes that, that fear, like I can bring some comfort to that fear. Um, and we can create a safe place for you to be honest about that. I mean, like, I think. I think that's what makes for, um, that's what makes leadership and, and organizations truly thrive is when there is that kind of soil relational soil to the, to the system. So, um, this is huge. This is huge. And so really when it comes to relating and getting along with our coworkers, the Enneagram just offers. so much wisdom and insight into how we operate and function so differently from each other. And I think the first real step toward getting along with others is simply by recognizing and owning the fact that we all do things differently, and that's okay.

Brian 36:40

Yeah.

Adam 36:41

Um, it takes humility to own that. Uh, and to know that we won't always get our own way. And isn't that like Jesus? I mean, we, we, we love that passage from Philippians two, where Paul says, do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit rather in humility, value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests, but each of you to the interest of others. So whether we are the boss, the director, the manager of the direct report or the peer. We're called to serve others and to value others above ourselves. And we're supposed to represent an upside down kingdom of servant leadership from the top down. And I think that Enneagram has the potential to work with the gospel as a tool to help us become these kinds of leaders. So Brian, you want to add anything?

Brian 37:29

think just one last thing, because I think you said that beautifully, and it's this idea of that servant leadership, and I think for most people who are watching this, You're probably not the boss. A few of you may be, and that's wonderful. And some of us may be thinking, I would love to have that kind of a work culture where people are aware of themselves and of others and have this tool of the ending game to do it. But I don't know where to start and I don't know how to change it. And I would just say it starts with us. If you can just start with yourself and one of the ground rules that I use when I'm coaching people or teams, it's just the very last one I say is do your own work because it's easy to offer everyone else's Enneagram advice like, Hey, you're a type this, so you should do that. Well, that's not going to be received well, if we all will commit to doing our own work to become more self aware, to recognize how we operate, it will automatically affect and improve all of our other relationships. Because we approach it from a place of humility, right? So I just want to remind everyone watching or listening that you can find more information about any of these triads or about the Enneagram on our socials at your Enneagram coach or on our website, your Enneagram coach. com. And if you're looking for a way to make more practical changes in your personal or professional life, in your relationships with your coworkers, boss, teams, whatever you want. But learning about your type, how it affects you, you can check out our directory of incredible certified coaches at my Annie Graham coach. com. And I know that there are coaches who would love to work with you or your teams. So Adam, why don't you tell everyone what's happening next week?

Adam 39:04

absolutely. Next time, Brian and I will be talking with our special guest, Steve Kuss, about the Enneagram and healthy leadership. And it's going to be a practical, insightful, fun episode. So make sure you're subscribed so you don't miss it. And remember, the Enneagram reveals your need for Jesus, not your need to work harder. It is the gospel that transforms us. Thanks for tuning in. We'll see you in the next episode.

Brian 39:29

Bye everyone.