Welcome to the Enneagram Coaching Session!

Beth 1:11

Have you ever wondered what a real Enneagram coaching session is like, especially with a type three? Well, if you are, then stick around because that's exactly what you're going to experience today. Hey guys, I'm Beth McCord, your Enneagram coach, and this is your Enneagram coach, the podcast. And today you're going to experience a real coaching session with. A type three. Now at your Enneagram coach, we are here to help you experience real life transformation with the tool of the Enneagram from a Christian perspective. And we do this through engaging podcasts or insightful books, dynamic courses, and so much more that can all be found at your Enneagram coach. com. Now, the other thing is that we. Train certified Enneagram coaches. Yeah, we have coaches that are trained just to take you or your marriage or your family or your work through the Enneagram to help you to have lasting growth. If you're looking for a coach, then go to my Enneagram coach. com. But for those of you that love the Enneagram and you can't help, but talk about it and try to help others, then take our free mini course to see what becoming an Enneagram coach. It's all about this free mini course can be found at your Enneagram coach. com forward slash mini course. Well, in today's episode, you're going to get a sneak peek into a real coaching session with a type three. Now, whether you're listening or you're watching it on YouTube, you get to experience being right here with us. Now, I know a lot of you have been learning about the Enneagram through the books, the blogs, the podcast, all the things, but you may not have experienced a coaching session. And so that's what we get to do today.

Meet Felicia: A Type Three's Journey

Beth 3:10

Now let me tell you more about our guest. Now, our guest has given me full permission to release this as a podcast. So don't worry, but this session is with Felicia Caldier. Now, Felicia is a ministry leader, helping Christians live authentically in their identity in Christ. She is married to her high school, sweetheart, Travis, who is a lead pastor and. Um, they have four young kids and I'm sure that's keeping them quite busy and on their toes every single day now, when she's not working at the church, she's running as an active director for, yep, her family. It takes quite a bit of effort to run a family of four, but not only that, she's also one of our certified Enneagram coaches. Who's passionate to see others grow in their relationship with Christ and who he created them to be and to not do it alone. So she's using the Enneagram to help others to discover their unique identity as a reflection of God. She is so excited though, to get coached herself today. And this is what's really intriguing. Now, some of you might be going, well, Beth, she knows about the Enneagram. Like why don't you have someone on there that doesn't know anything though? We will do that. I wanted to showcase what Enneagram coaches coaching is like with actual coaches. Why? Because they have aha moments too. The Enneagram is for all of us. We all get stuck. We all have moments that we get confused and we need someone to guide us. In the direction that's best for us. So we're going to talk to Felicia about the areas she feels stuck in and how the Enneagram can give her the insights and the clarity that she's been looking for, but maybe hasn't noticed. And so today is going to be her day. So join me now as I dive into a coaching session with Felicia, a type three. Hey, Felicia. It's so good to have you. How are you?

Felisha 5:09

Good. Thank you so much, Beth. It's been a good day.

Beth 5:12

Yay.

Diving Deep into Type Three's Traits

Beth 5:12

Awesome. Well, now we get to go through guide sheet number one for the type three. Um, and I talked to you previously and you said you would love to read, you process things better. So right here out of the gates, we'll see at the top of the first guide sheet is five words kind of ranging from, um, healthy to less healthy. So if you can read those, then when you're done Let me know which one are ones. Really popped up. And why, like, did they hit a chord? They bring true. Um, do you have any stories around them that you would like to share or a place that you're stuck in that like they're like really pointing to? So I'll let you go ahead and read. Sure.

Felisha 5:53

Um, the successful achiever is efficient, accomplished, motivating. Driven and image conscious right off the bat, efficient just stands out as something that I like almost crave because I go through life thinking about ways that I can make something more efficient and whether that's in myself or in others and processes and procedures, anything that I involve myself in, I think like, could this be done more efficiently? And a funny story is my husband asks me all the time, he questioned some of the facial features I give and he goes, are you thinking about a way that I could do this more efficiently? And I am, I, I have to, you know, so I've had to learn over time, like not everybody wants to do it the way I want to. So that rings true. It'd probably be on my, um, on my tombstone, efficient or productive. Both of those things are really important. Um, the rest of them, yeah, definitely have been a part of what drives me, motivates me, accomplish motivating. That's pretty, you know, self explanatory driven. I think everybody that I know would say that I'm a very driven person and image conscious. This one took me a long time to try to like wrap my head around because I, um, I actually don't like to be up front and center, but I, I value the things that are around me. Like I want them to be good as well. So not only is it just how I look and present myself, but it's also like the people around me. Are they also presenting themselves in a way that's going to reflect back on myself, which is part of the image consciousness. So. That's, that's all fascinating that all of those are like, you know, are ticks, uh, throughout my life.

Beth 7:48

Yeah. Okay. So your mom of four, so you're super busy, but I've also heard that at times for, for moms that are type threes, and this is, I think true for all the nine types, but I think particularly for the type three is. The, uh, reflection that their kids might be putting on the type three mom, whether good or bad, is that something kind of the, the image conscious, does that kind of transfer from the kids up to you as well?

Felisha 8:18

I think it depends on the situation. I think as they get older, it might right now. They're so little that honestly, I, I help, you know, create whatever environment they're in or I put them in. I am really curious to how that's going to work as they get older and have more autonomy with themselves and kind of become themselves. I'd say it actually, it'd be more with my husband, like, you know, Hey, you know, we were doing things differently. Are you sure that's right? Like, are you sure that's You know what you want to do because I start thinking about how it could impact or reflect back on me. So we'll see.

Beth 8:54

I'm curious. What type is he? He's a type one. Yeah. Yeah. One in a three. Power couple. Right. You guys are getting things done. That's right. That's awesome. Um, okay. So we're going to kind of hold on to all of that, but I love how you brought up. Um, efficient, especially, um, obviously driven and, you know, motivated and accomplishing. So those are all definite. And then the image conscious was something more like, huh, I had to really take some time to really kind of find that within myself. Um, also just a quick question. You know, are you, do you know your instinctual

Felisha 9:28

subtype? I do. I'm a self preservation. Okay. That's what I was kind of guessing. I was like, yeah. Uh, which really, which really helped me actually grow, learn more about myself because I felt so like confused by some of the archetype of a type three being, you know, that put the showy and upfront, but no, I have like this almost desire to be good and almost like subdued in that accomplishment, but I still want to achieve the things.

Beth 10:02

And that's why I love the instinctual subtypes, just because for those that are like you that are kind of counter type to the typical archetype, it really is helpful because it's like, Oh, I still am, Oh, I am a three. I just have a little slight different version of a three. So yeah, the self press three is really, um, they have vanity that they don't have vanity.

Felisha 10:25

Yeah, we got, we don't want anybody to know

Beth 10:29

I'm going counter to like having this image, you know, But then, like you said, it does kind of creep in, you know, but it might be just very different. It might be, I want to make sure we look good as in like we're doing the good thing. We're doing the

Felisha 10:41

good thing, the right thing in the moment, which is where my type one husband really drives that because he's always looking for what's the good and right thing to do. Yeah.

Beth 10:51

Yeah. But I can see, you know, like we were saying, um, being efficient and I'm a nine, so I go to three a lot. Um, and I do, I, I think of efficiencies too. I think mine though, I think of efficiencies one, well, 'cause it's kind of fun, but I would be honest. It's like, well if I'm efficient then we don't have to do it as long That's true. I'm, I'm for that. Yeah. So, but yeah, for your, your husband, he might not always want. Um, the efficiencies because that might sometimes be cutting corners is that Oh,

Felisha 11:24

yes. And he, yeah, he'll definitely say that. He say, you know, you can get things done, but it's not always right. It's not the right thing to do. Um, or it's not how I would do it. Like there's, there's reason behind doing the thing more fully than the way I'd say, you know, we're, if we're talking something big, like being something that it's in the church versus doing the dishes, I'm happy to cut corners on dishes. And he is

Ep_ 217 Felisha Caldeira- Type 3 11:51

That's

Beth 11:51

so good. I love that. Um, okay. So in the next part of the guide sheet, we're going to really cover and, uh, the core motivations and every type has their core motivations. And this is, uh, the place where people really can find their main type, um, cause this is the driving force behind why we think, feel, and behave. And so there are four core motivations and there's the core fear, the thing that you're Always trying to avoid or prevent from happening the core desire. The thing that you're like, man, if I just had this one thing, life would be full and rich and like satisfying. Then we have a core weakness and this is your Achilles heel, the thorn in your side, a thing that keeps tripping you up time and time again. And then the core longing, this is the message your heart longs to hear and experience now for, why don't you go ahead and cause you had said that you do better when you read, so go ahead and read those, uh, four core motivations. And then if there's a particular situation or circumstance in your life right now, where you're either feeling stuck or you need some help or guidance, or you just kind of need to paint a different picture, see if you can't weave these core motivations. Into that scenario. Let's kind of see what happens with it. Okay.

Felisha 13:02

Uh, core fear is being exposed as or thought incompetent, inefficient, or worthless failing to be or appear successful core desire, having high status and respect. Being admired, successful, and valuable, core weakness, deceit, deceiving yourself into believing you are only the image you present to others, embellishing the truth by putting on a polished persona for everyone, including yourself, to see and admire, and core longing. You are loved and valued for simply being you.

Felicia's Transition to Ministry: A Type Three's Challenge

Felisha 13:44

Right now, I'm going through a really interesting life transition where I. And moving from working in the secular world to working in ministry and throughout my entire career, uh, I have been in secular work and where I worked was very much separation of like church and, and, and not, and you didn't really talk about religion and it just wasn't open and that was fine. I was happy to keep those things separate and I got good at doing that. I was efficient at keeping things separate. But now I am pursuing, um, ministry and a call to ministry and this came at a, um, a really surprising time in my life where I thought I knew the path forward. I thought I knew what my end game was in like my plan, I had a life plan. That's what I do. I love, I love to check those boxes. And it collapsed, of course, of course it did. And, uh, but in the moment it's devastating. And now I thought, you know, I see now what God was doing. I see where he was moving me and I'm so thankful for the opportunity to be pursuing ministry, but I'm, I'm nervous that I may find myself just trying to, you know, using that fear of like, I don't want to. Be seen as incompetent, but I actually don't know as much as, you know, others who have been doing ministry for years, you know, that fear comes in and, and I want to be successful. I want to do a good job, especially in the job that I was hired for, which is serving my church. Um, so that fear just kind of creeps in is like, well, are you actually going to do a good job? Are you pretending to be good at this? Is this really true? And like a good, like a true calling of yours. Um, And then I think about authenticity, I really don't want to deceive, right, using my core weakness, anybody, especially myself, that's the easiest for me to deceive is myself, um, and I don't want that, I want to be as authentic as I can be moving into this and moving into this. Transcribed by https: otter. ai And really find like what it is God has for me in this next phase because I have no window. I have no steps. I have no ladder. I have nothing that I had in that secular environment that was easy for me to calculate what I need to do to be successful. It's gone. And so all of that feeds right into where I'm at today. And, uh, That's all I want. I want to do it well, but I want to do it.

Beth 16:24

Yeah. Wow. I mean, I can totally see how this is a real kind of conundrum for you as a three. I mean, now anyone else kind of looking in, like, let's say they didn't even know anything about this. They're just kind of like you moved from one career to a Knicks. They probably are thinking you're killing it. And like, you're probably, you know, confident and you'll figure it out and you will. I mean, I just like what threes do, but I think most people wouldn't know to the level of fear. And I think a lot of threes themselves that haven't done their own work, wouldn't know to the level of fear that they have. I think fear usually comes out in. comes out sideways in planning more, having more lists, having more goals. Now that can also be when you're healthy too. It just kind of depends on which way and why you're doing it. Right. But I bet a lot of people outside of you wouldn't really know to the level of. Like anxiety or fear that you're experiencing. And honestly, it's really refreshing for you to be able to say, I, I have this fear. Like I went from being very successful and knew exactly what the measurements were and how to know if I was doing it right and good and successful. And now I'm over here and I don't know as much as others. And. Am I going to look incompetent? You know, is this going to tarnish, you know, my image? Am I going to look unsuccessful and people not admire me? Those are some legitimate fears and, and rightfully so. I mean, you're in a new sphere. So how has it been for you? Um, or, well, and I guess how long have you been into this new career or maybe you haven't even started yet, but how long have you been into it and what's it been like navigating that so far?

Felisha 18:19

Yeah. Uh, I just started in January, so it's been a month and a half and Yeah. It's, it's totally new. I have enjoyed it because I'm doing something that I know I'm good at, which is why they essentially hired me for the job. But, um, I'm also pursuing that like ministerial part of it, which is just beyond me. It's something that is so new. And I, I agree with you. Most people we had, you know, we have a church board meeting. Everybody says you're doing so great. Like, wow. One month, like, look at what you've done. And that's. That's all. Of course I want to hear that, but really the piece is like, I want to serve well for God, not just for my own gain. Right. And, and to get those accolades, I don't want, I don't want it to just be for that. Um, so yes, I agree. Like I, I know I can do a good job in the things that I'm confident in. It's those other parts that I'm just trying to figure out, like where, how do I do that and not do it just for myself.

Beth 19:19

Yeah. Okay. So that's going to be great. So let's kind of. Hang our hats for a little bit on this, that you're stepping away from what you were confident and assured in and competent in into this new space where you have a lot of uncertainties, um, there's a lot to learn a huge learning curve, which, you know, the uncertainty of what others are going to see and experience. as you're learning is problematic for your heart, at least, you know, probably not problematic for anyone else, but for your heart at least. Um, and then where that could lead again, is the slippery slope of deceit. And like you said, man, my heart, I really want to be authentic and real and true. I don't want to put on achieving masks and yet. Like for all of us, it can kind of creep in and slip in pretty, you know, quickly and without us noticing at times. But I'm really excited because I think you've gotten over time a grasp of what that can look like. But I think as we go through this guide sheet, I think it would be really cool to kind of see where you have unpacked, um, and unlocked some of this Um, new revelation, this new awareness, and then let's also see if maybe, you know, there's something new that like you haven't fully explored and have a new, fresh aha moment that could maybe be the next key to unlock the next step in this journey. Does that sound good? Yeah. Okay, so the next part of the guide sheet is really this overview of a type three, and it's going to show some high points, some not so great points, but then also end on a beautiful kind of gospel note. So if you don't mind reading that, and then once you're done, just kind of again, it's kind of whether. You know, you could use the same situation that you're in and kind of incorporate it all there. Or if something else pops in your mind, feel free to bring that into the conversation as well.

Felisha 21:18

Okay. You have a deep fear of being worthless, a failure or incapable. Which causes you to struggle with deceit. You hide parts of yourself that you don't want others to see, and only portray a successful exterior. In doing so, you become unaware of who you authentically are in your own heart, which affects not only you, but also those around you. When trying to satisfy your longing for accomplishment and admiration, apart from Christ, you can become excessively driven and image conscious. By being competitive, self promoting, and constantly comparing yourself to others, you run the risk of burnout and believing you are the, or you are only as good as your last accomplishment. However, when your heart aligns with the gospel, you believe that you are loved and valued for who you are, not just for your success and productivity. Your confidence, enthusiasm, and determination rubs off and inspires those around you. You become a humble team player and a champion of others. Using your adaptability and drive for productivity and excellence, you allow for incredible achievements for the greater good. It's such a beautiful message and I'm so glad that it ends on that because you're right. When you read that first part, you almost feel, you know, kind of Like, ugh. Like, yes, that's, that's me. I struggle with those things. But, um, the good news is that I do know that, and I'm so grateful for the gospel message to know that I am that unique image bearer. And there is something special about, you know, being this specific type that adds to the kingdom. And I'm so grateful for that. Um. I just have to keep reminding myself right when you, when you read it, it's like, Oh yeah, you need to keep it in the forefront. So that's the first thing. It's easy for me, like it says in here to, to get in the driven mindset of just go, go, go, go, go and not stop and refocus. So I really appreciated reading that to say, yes, you do get like this and you need to be reminded that you have to turn. Turn towards God and see what, what your success and productivity is actually

Beth 23:42

for. Yeah. And actually, you know, and we're the third guide sheet, um, in a five guide sheet series is about the levels of alignment. So healthy, average, and unhealthy. And so are we aligned, misaligned, or out of alignment with the truth of the gospel? And I think our human hearts naturally want to gravitate towards the less healthy attributes and kind of beat ourselves up and shame ourselves or criticize ourselves, judge ourselves. It's just easier to do, but the problem we kind of falsely think or believe, well, if I do that, then I'll just fix myself. I won't do it anymore. Well, that's just not true. Right. And. The beauty of the gospel is that he has already accomplished all that we need. And. So the great thing about looking at the levels of alignment and health is that we're going to ebb and flow between healthy to unhealthy. But the great news of the gospel is that we're always aligned in the sense that we're always his beloved child on earth. Yeah. We're going to have moments where we're not doing so great and all that stuff, but if we can sit and go. I'm okay because Christ made me okay through his life, death and resurrection. I, my identity in Christ in him is secure so I can look at myself in this less healthy place without shame, without criticism because he has taken on all of that and the judgment. Ends with him and he is no longer judging me. There's no more condemnation. He has taken that. So then what that allows us to do is it allows us to fully see are not so great qualities and then go, okay, this is what's true. I'm sorry. I own it. Lord, will you help redirect my heart, but also remind me of who I am. And that's what this really did was to, to lay out clearly. Yeah, you do some of these things. But to always say, but that is not the end game. The victory is already ours. Yeah. And so we get to grab on and experience the beauty of the gospel, even while we're still struggling. And so, and that's what I feel like I'm hearing from you as you're walking into this new career, this new space of the, the real desire to be authentic. And I think the fact that you desire authenticity shows that God is already paving a path for you to be that and to be genuine and to bring to mind a call to mind when you're not, would you agree? Like, if you can look back in your life, were there moments where you didn't really feel the craving of authenticity? Versus what you're feeling now.

Felisha 26:36

Oh, yes. I mean, you can, you know, those unhealthy younger days when you just, when you don't know, and you just, you're surviving right. And in a world and you're trying to figure out who you are, I can numerous stories of like being that essentially that type three, that was just. You know, checking boxes and taking names and doing what I needed to do to be successful. Um, I even remember a time with my husband, I think after our first born son, I said, I don't know what's next because I've checked all my boxes. You know, I graduated college, I got married and I had a kid. So now what's next? Right. Which sounds so silly. And I meant but that's how my mind. things of like what's next to be done and going into, uh, you know, this new ministry is like trying to figure out, okay, I really want to continue to use my gifts, which I know, like, I know they're good and I enjoy doing them. They give me life. There there's. There's value in that. And what is good is God. So what, how can I use that? Well, and not let it bring up that fear of, well, you're just doing it because it's either what you're supposed to be doing, right? That self preservation part. It's the good thing to do, or I'm doing it for my own gain because I get, I get positive feedback. I think, you know, X, Y, Z. So

Beth 28:01

yeah. It can be both and right. Like, you know, God does encourage us to encourage one another, right? To affirm one another. Hmm. And so that's not a bad thing to give affirmations and to receive affirmations. I think if our whole identity is wrapped up into what others say, then that's where we get into a slippery slope. But to receive affirmation can be a really sweet, um. You know, it's like balm for our souls. Right. And it can be also where we take it in and also just really praise God in that moment of like, wow, thank you for allowing me to have this gift. And I know that you've probably experienced both, but I think. One, one thing that I hear from people that use the Enneagram is, well, if I have any inkling that I'm enjoying here, like, especially because we're talking to you as a three, if I'm hearing anything of value or people admire what I, what I'm doing, and I'm loving hearing that, that's bad. And it's like, no, it's not necessarily bad. It just really depends on. Are you getting all of your sense of being and, um, worth in what other people are saying or the accolades or the accomplishments, or is it that God is. You're getting it from the Lord who is giving you this ability to do all those things.

Navigating Success and Vulnerability

Beth 29:30

Does that make sense?

Felisha 29:31

No, that's really helpful because it's, it's true at the, you all, I don't want to also veer from the other side and think that it's not worthwhile, you know, to, to be that successful person. Cause I, like I said, I know it's good, but it's helpful to be reminded that there is, there is good that can come from others, right. Partnering with others and hearing from that. So yeah. Thank

Beth 29:52

you. Yeah, no, that's great.

Embracing Life's Sweet Spot and Challenges

Beth 29:55

Okay. So the back part of the guide sheet, and I want to kind of like spend a little bit more time on this back part, because I feel like you're in such a sweet spot in life, such a life changing moment. Um, which on one side is so exhilarating for three, right? Like on one side, it's like, what do I need to do? Like, just give me the list, you know, give me the goals. I'll measure it all out. I've got it. Um, But then there's the part where you've explained like, yeah, but I'm kind of in a world I am not familiar with. I mean, you're familiar with the church, obviously, but being in ministry as a job. So there's a lot of being unfamiliar, a lot of being vulnerable, maybe exposed, which is a really big fear for the three. And the possibility of even potential failure, not maybe not catastrophic failure, but even little failures of and do something right, or you didn't know, um, and those are really big deals for

Understanding Stress and Growth Paths

Beth 30:53

threes. And so let's kind of bring that to the forefront as we also look at the Enneagram paths. So on the back side of the guide sheet. What we're seeing is, um, the Enneagram pass. So as we lay out here at YEC is that the Enneagram is like an internal GPS and there are four boxes back here. So if others are just listening and they're not on the YouTube channel watching this, uh, there are four boxes and each of the boxes have the Enneagram symbol and each of those symbols has a line from three, either going to nine or six, which is the lines that the three are connected to. So the first box is called the stress path, and this is when for the three specifically, when you're under stress, you're going to move to the average, to the unhealthy attributes of the type three. Now you don't become a three, but you def, I mean, not three to the unhealthy aspects of the type nine, sorry. Um, you don't become a nine, but. The type nine has a great influence on you, especially under stress and what that looks like. Um, and I'll let you read them. And then once you read them, you know, just pick out what really like stood out to you and where you've seen those pop up, um, in your life.

Felisha 32:11

Yeah, so, uh, I can, when I'm unhealthy, I can move to shutting down, numbing out, becoming disengaged, apathetic, and passive, remain busy to avoid looking lazy even, even if you're not able to focus, uh, come back to that one, uh, withdraw and become depressed, losing interest in accomplishing and resisting help from others. You want to be left alone and not bothered. So I'll come back to the, uh, keeping busy to avoid looking lazy. Um, sometimes, you know, my husband will say like, why are you doing all of this menial work? Like what, why did you have to pick that up right now? And it's because I'm stressed. I've, I don't know what else to do. So I go and do something. And, uh, I had someone tell me that when they get stressed, they go and make a to do list. Like that just resonates. Yes, I, if there's, if. If I can't focus on or I can't solve the problem instead of probably sitting still and thinking through it, I'll just either, I'll push it aside and I'll start working on something else that I can do because I feel better because I've checked off something off my list. So. That one really resonates when I'm stressed, but on the opposite side of that, I definitely can see myself resisting help from others. I can get really annoyed and frustrated, especially if I'm stressed out and then I'm interrupted. Big one, I'd rather kind of work through it and see if I can. Hunker down and then shutting down and numbing out. I think if I get over stimulated for me, I can eat very easily get over stimulated And I have four young children. I love them But it's a lot they're they're young, you know, and it's it can It can get tough. So I stress. And so then I just immediately when they're like, when they're to bed, I just want to stop. I don't want to do anything. I just want to be, because I was so in like a heightened mode, stress mode for, you know, a couple hours that I just have to

Beth 34:17

stop. Right. Exactly. As a nine, I totally understand. You're, you're, you're, you're leaning into my direction. Yeah. And Okay, so we talked a little bit about, you know, especially at home, but now with this new job, I'm sure, I mean, even though it's only been a month and a half, I'm sure there's been a lot of stressful moments. Have any of these in particular popped up for you? And if not, were there any other, cause you know, the dine, are there any other nine ish qualities that have popped up at work that you can see, Oh yeah, I am stressed.

Felisha 34:58

There hasn't been too much yet. Um, I'm, I'm running, I'm running on the, I'm on the upside going over the, the, like the honeymoon phase. Yeah, I'm on the honeymoon. I'm still in the honeymoon phase. I think, um, I think the, like I know what I need to do and so I disengage potentially. Um, I'll, I'll just kinda like step away and be like, I really wanna get this done, you know, this is frustrating. You know, I have a task to do, so it's interrupting. Actually, what I'm learning really fast is that ministry is constantly interrupted. I really got to get over that. Um, my husband is the lead pastor of this church and I, I feel for him because the amount of people who need him and he wants to be there for him and he just goes with it. And I'm, you know, it's amazing. He, he definitely leans into that nine, nine where he just kind of, okay, yeah. What, how can I help you? I'm like stressed out over here. I'm like, we have to get something done. Um, so that, that, that's probably the biggest is just learning

Beth 36:01

how You know, because being a former pastor's wife, you know, my husband is working for us now. Um, and I used to be the, the church secretary many, many moons ago. Yeah, there's no, you can set as many goals and agendas and schedules, but it all just kind of flies out the window at any moment. So yeah, it's, it is very much a, um, a pivot flexible, or you have to be very flexible and patient. in that sphere for sure. Yeah. Well, that's

The Journey from Stress to Growth

Beth 36:35

great. Yeah. So we'll kind of, um, we'll come, come back to the nine, um, later as we talk about it in a healthy way, but the next box is called the blind spot back box or sorry, blind spot path. And this is when. You'll move to the average, the unhealthy parts of six. Now you're only gonna really do this around your family. 'cause most of the time the path that we go to that is our blind spot path. The things that that type does. And for you, it's type six. When you see a type six, uh, do these things just kind of out and about in everyday life. It can really annoy you. And it's almost to the point where it's like, ugh. I would never do that, you know, but then we do it at home and we don't even realize it. And that's why it's called a blind spot path. So with that being said, tell us, or go ahead and read what it's like for three at home when they're not at their best place yet.

Felisha 37:31

Yeah, we can express anxieties and complaints, doubts, anger and frustrations that I don't typically reveal to others. I can react strongly when blamed or accused of something, and I can become suspicious of others and unsure of whom I can trust. So, thinking of being strongly blamed, um, I've, I, my husband, he's the best. He knows, he really clear on right and wrong. And again, I'm more, I'm more of the, yeah, it's fine. Um, so when he questions something, um, that I've done and is like, you know, was that really the right thing to do? I, I immediately get offended. Like what, how, no, I did it. It was fine. There's, there's nothing wrong. Um, so I'll just, I'll, I'll. I'll brush it off. I'll ignore it. I'll, you know, all of that or say like, no, it, like it wasn't me or it didn't, it didn't go the way that you think it went. So I can definitely see that as a blind spot. And then anxieties. Um, I, I, I don't necessarily, I wonder how it, it plays out, I guess, if you were constantly in that phase with family. And this is a blind spot, so I don't necessarily see it in myself, right? So I'd be curious to hear what those, those, my loved ones would say, but I do know I get anxious and I only show that like that anxiousness or share that fear. If there's something really with my loved ones, I, I, I would rather. Look, present myself like everything's fine. There's no, there's nothing to worry about, but at home I'm going to be like, you know, this is, this is not right. And I'm so frustrated and I don't know what to do. And they didn't do that right. And you know, then they'll come back and say like, well, why didn't, why didn't you say that in the moment? Why didn't you just tell them that? I'm like, well, I don't know. I just felt uncomfortable. I didn't know what to say because I didn't want to say the wrong thing. Um, hurt anybody's feelings, things like that. So I can see that.

Beth 39:32

Yeah, yeah. And, you know, because the threes typically, and of course not, this isn't always thing, but typically they're not going to be at work complaining or pushing or prodding or testing the waters with their employers, um, you know, seeing where loyalties land, um, like a six might. But then at home, some of those frustrations and anxieties that they wouldn't tell everyone else really can kind of start to surface because their family feels like a much safer place to dispense all of that pent up energy and anxieties and worry. Um, and so it feels like a safer place to do that now. And, and again, you know, we have, that's where this is so closely related to the growth path. So if we look at the next box, it's the growth path and it's the exact same path. It's three going to six, but this is when you're at a much healthier place and you take on the healthy aspects of the type six. Now that's hard. All growth is hard. And so though, these are the things that we hope will transpire and come out. It's much easier to do the less healthy things, which is the blind spot path. So why don't you go ahead and read what it looks like when you're moving in this growth path, when you're actually in a much healthier place, moving and bringing on some of those healthy characteristics of six.

Felisha 40:55

So I'm finding rest and knowing that Christ's accomplishments are now mine. I can become less competitive and more loyal, authentic, vulnerable, and cooperative. And I can shift to a team player mindset, asking for help and using my talents to help and promote others. I mean, that, I mean, the last one I, I want with, you know, all that I am to be that team player mindset and promote others. Like if that, to me, that is authenticity is getting away from myself and helping others, just lifting them up and bringing them to a space where they feel valuable and loved as well. So yeah, would love that more and more in my

Beth 41:38

life. You know, just as much in the Enneagram, I'll talk to clients about creating rumble strips. Um, so like those, those loud things on the side of the highway, when you're starting to veer off course, and hopefully you'll correct course when you hear them. Um, but we want to create rumble strips in our own life. So the stress path and the blind spot path, we want to know when these less healthy attributes pop up again, like I said earlier, not out of shame and condemnation or fear because crisis taking care of it, but as a warning sign, like, Oh, Okay. If I keep going, I'm going to land in that common pitfall again. So now is my, my opportunity to come back and ask the Lord to help me get back on my healthiest path. And so I think what, but, but just the same is that not just with rumble strips as a warning, but these. These awarenesses of, Oh, when I am champion others, when I'm lifting others up, when I'm seeing their success, not my own, but their success, I'm going to know that I'm in a good, sweet, authentic space. That is beautiful because that's when you, it's not about like cheering or patting yourself on the back. It's like going, thank you, God, for allowing me to be able to use my gifts, but in a way that lifts others up, that it's the focus isn't on me, but I feel fulfilled. You working in it through me, we're accomplishing the greater good for your kingdom, but I get to do it by lifting others up, um, and helping others. Does that make sense? Kind of that rumble strip idea, but kind of flipped in the positive way. Yeah,

Felisha 43:13

it does. It does. And it's a great reminder that it's often like the work of the spirit, like you have on this guide, she says, when the Holy Spirit enables you. Growth is, is okay. There's something in me that's moving towards, you know, something that's healthy and it, and it adds value without me actually having, like saying that it's mine to do, because it's not, it's not, it's not mine to do,

Beth 43:38

which is nice to participate.

Felisha 43:40

Yeah. I get to participate and enjoy the fruits,

Beth 43:42

I guess. Yeah, exactly. Okay. So we've talked about, um, the growth path. So this is again, when. The three is healthy and that you're bringing in the healthy aspects of six, again, hard to do, but then if we continue to grow in that direction, we can actually take on some of the healthiest aspects of what was your stress path, which is going to nine. So you can take on some of the healthiest parts of nine. So you have the healthy three, six and nine kind of converging together. And that's why we call it the converging path. And so I'll let you read that and then tell me like. Oh, I think the bottom of it was cut off, but we'll see what we can figure out. Um, yeah, read it to the best of your ability and I'll try to fill in the blanks.

Felisha 44:28

Okay. So, um, I can learn how to relax, rest, and just be instead of constantly doing, achieving and performing express or excel out of joy rather than insecurity, desperation, or fear, seek to collaborate and value the viewpoints and contributions of others. And search for ways to support others and their success. I'm sure instead of keeping, keeping it to myself, something like that.

Beth 44:57

So yeah, how does this land on you? And where have you seen this pop up for you before?

Felisha 45:02

Yeah, you know, the just being piece of it really stands out. I think that I am the most. healthy when I actually just slow down. Uh, I am in that future mindset. I am constantly thinking of things to be done. I like, I have all of that and it's very rare that I either make time or I'm forced to have time just to be, and I'm very grateful that in between this transition I had. Um, we had made as a family a choice that I was going to leave my job without another job and I knew that I was going to have space to just be. And I remember, I think it was day two, I thought, Oh gosh, now I'm bored. Like I'm working in a really high stress environment, but it wasn't healthy and I knew it. So I left, but now I'm not busy. So what do I do? I just need to be. So I took that time. To just be, and intentionally forced myself to just sit in that moment. And I think that's where a lot of that desire for, okay, I want to keep this going. I want to be motivated by, by just being and being the authentic self. And how do I move that into whatever positions next? And then that opportunity came up to go into ministry. And I thought, yeah, like, that's it. That's what I want. That's, I want to be in that converging space where I'm, I'm In a space where I'm comfortable and relaxed, um, rather than thinking of what needs to be done. Yeah.

Beth 46:31

So it really sounds like you set yourself up for success by, by in a sense, forcing yourself to, to rest and be in allowing you to have the space to take a big deep breath, kind of reorient your mind so that when opportunities came. You were much more easy to go, Oh, that space over there, I can be more authentic than trying to get back in another space that would just pull more out of me of the drive for success or image or other things. And not that, I mean, and there's not a right or wrong for any specific job, you know. Not all people have to go into ministry to experience that, but for you, you're calling what God had put on your heart was this, but you probably wouldn't have been able to see or sense it as clearly had you not been in a place of more rest, more, more. Space to breathe and kind of allow the Lord to kind of speak more in tune with your heart. Would that be true? Yes,

Felisha 47:40

absolutely. And I, and that's what motivates, like I, I want to keep it. And so I don't want to get stuck in, in feeling. Like, what, like, what if I go back to that old mindset, which, you know, you're helping me to see, like, I don't, it's not, it's not that they were bad. They, you know, they can be beneficial if I, um, keep that same mindset or use that rumble strip or what, you know, whatever it is that helps me just remember that this is the goal. Um, probably if you get to like I2 three and use that levels of alignment, like, Hey, you're here. It's try to stay

Beth 48:14

there. And you know, when you start to feel, because you're going to, you're going to feel this you're, you're a type three, you're always going to be a type three. You're going to feel the pull for, um, accolades and success and accomplishments and efficiencies and all that can be really good. But when you start to see yourself raving it or needing it or doing it, um, in a way that is not. Lifting others up before you, or at least alongside you, then that's your rumble strip. And, but the key is, is when you see it, and this is the hardest part for all of us is to not shame and not condemn and not. That's when we give it back to the Lord and go, Oh, yep, here I am again, Lord, but you knew you weren't surprised you still love your grace is still sufficient for all the things that, you know, I am doing, we'll be doing in the future, but you've covered it all. And so I bring it before you and I get to rest at your feet. And that's where the, again, for you as the. Three, the healthy six is going to come in because you're going to be loyal and champion others while the nine kicks in and allows you to just rest at Jesus's feet while also champion others because that's what nines do as well. So I think the biggest. Rumble strip is, is this just for my own self and my own sake, or am I really focused on promoting others? It being a team, a collaboration, um, I'm shifting the focus on to others versus just me and then ultimately to Christ, but, um, Does that make sense in how you can kind of navigate the waters?

Felisha 50:00

Yeah. Yeah, it does. It really helps a lot. Thank

Beth 50:02

you. Yeah. Okay.

Concluding Reflections and Looking Ahead

Beth 50:04

So the last part on the guide sheet is the internal message. And these, we have lots of false messages in our mind. They're like record players and they're like either softly playing the background or blaring could be anywhere in between depending on where we're at. Um, but these are false messages. Now they feel really real. And so for you, yours is, if I do something valuable or admirable, then I'm okay. Does that, majority of your life, does that feel like a true statement?

Felisha 50:32

Yeah. Yeah. For, for quite a while. Um, you know, I, I knew what I needed to do to be successful. And so I, I. just needed to make sure I got them done. Um, and then I'd be okay. And like I said, it was, you know, this joke, but probably because of that internal message of, okay, now what I'm not, am I going to be okay? Cause I don't know what, you know, I don't know what's next. Um, which is where that fear comes in of like, okay, now what? And then if I, if I'm not achieving something or I'm not, You know, being successful or making something, you know, more efficient, whatever, you know, am I, am I going to be shamed? Am I going to turn that way? Which is not true. And I know it's not true. Um, but in my head, there's always that trigger of like, well, was that enough? Did you do enough?

Beth 51:19

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And those are the things that you get to capture. Those are the rumble strips. Cause for me, anytime I have the thought, nobody cares what I do. My voice doesn't matter, you know, and it can be very soft in the background, but then there's times where it gets really loud and it gets very convincing. But anytime I hear that, that's when I go, Oh wait, okay, there it is again. And I really want to believe it because it feels so real and so true, but it's not, and I need to bring back in the truth into my mind that Christ created me in a way that does matter. And my voice does matter. And that doesn't mean it has to, it's not going to matter to the whole world all the time, but showing up matters now. So I have to remind myself of that, but that's not the thing that you have to remind yourself. So when the false messages of the three come in and they start whispering in your ear for a while, it's not going to feel like any big deal, but then it gets to a place where it's a slippery slope. Um, so what, what I love is that you gave yourself a season of really going into, especially the nine healthy space and you were just being. Because you can now compare this message to what you actually felt when you were just being, and you will more quickly be able to point out for yourself what's false and wrong because you can compare it to that really sweet moment of a three, not being a human doing, but being a human being. Does that feel accurate? Yeah.

Felisha 52:57

Yeah, definitely being not being defined by what I do. Right. And, and does it, it's not even what I do is, is it worthwhile to others? What, what is that message that comes from the world around me versus, you know, what I know in my heart to be true is that I am just a unique image bearer, beloved child of God, and that's, that's all that's enough, um, to be able to get, get through that to myself and then share that with others. I mean, it's invaluable and something I have to hold on

Beth 53:29

to. Yeah. Okay. I mean, you're only, like you said, a month and a half ish. Yeah. But, but just by going through the core motivations and, um, the interim paths and, and just this kind of one of the. Correlize. How do you feel like this will shift for yourself and going back into your job, you know, tomorrow or next week, what can you bring forth that's going to allow you to really kind of soar and enjoy just moving forward and just being really, I

Felisha 54:03

think the mindset of knowing that what I do is a value, but it doesn't, it does. It's not. It's not something to be shamed or to be pushed aside. It's actually something that can add value to the ministry. Um, because that could be the work of the spirit. It could be a growth area for myself. It could be recognizing that I do have something to add to this and it's okay to be new. I think that's hard. It's okay to be new at something and, and to have some anxiety with it. To recognize it, I think is going to be key, especially going forward. Recognize, okay, I'm feeling You know, incompetent, or I'm not feeling that I'm, I'm contributing to this. Cause I just don't know what to do here, but I think that's okay. We all have to start somewhere. Um, But I think keeping that front and center of my mind is like, it's okay. Like you, you still add value for what you and who you are today. And you can grow in that. And that's okay. It's okay where you are today. And it's okay to be here today.

Beth 55:10

I love that. Well, thank you so much, Felicia, for being here, being authentic, allowing us to really hear your heart where you're at, but then also where God has taken you. I mean, it's really going to be exciting to see the things that God's going to unfold, uh, for you personally, but then also the ripple effects, you know, through church and even your family. So thank you so much for being

Felisha 55:34

here. Thank you so much, Beth. I really appreciate

Beth 55:36

this. Wow. I am so thankful that Felicia was able to come today to show up, be really authentic. So we got to hear from a type three in a real coaching session. And I know that you guys were able to witness the moments that she had, where she had these aha experiences and you can hear where the lasting growth is going to take place. Now. If you would like to experience the same with your own personal certified Enneagram coach, then you can grab your coach. And it could be even Felicia at my Enneagram coach. com and have your aha moments as well. But for those of you who are like, that sounds like a lot of fun. I would like to be an Enneagram coach. Then check out our free mini course to see what being an Enneagram coach is all about. You can get your free mini course at your Enneagram coach. com forward slash mini course. Well, thanks for spending time with me this week, but don't miss next week because. Next week. I'm coaching a type two. Yes. You're not going to want to miss out on that, but as always remember that the Enneagram reveals your need for Jesus, not your need to work harder. It's the gospel that transforms us. Take care. And I'll see you in the next episode