Introduction

Beth 0:00

Hey friends. Have you ever wondered what a real Enneagram coaching session is like? Well, stick around because today I'm going to be coaching an Enneagram type one, and you're going to be so amazed at the different things that are going to be brought up and talked about the astonishing clarity and the insights that the type one is going to experience and really the joy that I get to have as an Enneagram coach. Well, Hey friend, welcome to your Enneagram coach, the podcast. I'm Beth McCord, your Enneagram coach, and here at YEC, we are passionate about unlocking the transformative power of the Enneagram from a faith based perspective and to enrich your life and your relationships. And we do this in a lot of different ways through the podcast. We have lots of books that you can, um, buy. We have dynamic courses on our website, your Enneagram coach. com. And so many other tools and resources available for you, like our social media account at your Enneagram coach. We also get to train exceptional Enneagram coaches, which is one of my favorite things to do because once they're trained, they get to go and bless so many other lives out there. And you can find a certified Enneagram coach for yourself at my Enneagram coach. com. Now, if you love the Enneagram and you love watching people grow, you might want to become an Enneagram coach yourself. And if that's you, then you might want to take our free mini course, just to kind of get a taste of what it's like at your Enneagram coach. com forward slash mini course. Okay. So in today's episode, I'm going to give you a sneak peek behind the curtain of what coaching looks like. Now, if you're not watching on YouTube, I highly suggest that you go there to our channel at your Enneagram coach, because you're going to see us in a coaching session with an actual guide sheet that our coaches use. So Now I'm sure you've read a lot of books. You've listened to podcasts, you learned about the Enneagram, but most of you haven't seen or experienced Enneagram coaching for yourself. And so I wanted you guys to be able to experience that with all nine types. And today is the last session because we've gone through all the other eight types. And today's the last session where you're going to experience a coaching session for yourself. With an Enneagram type one. And so in today's session, I'm going to take a type one through our first guide sheet so that they can understand with clarity more about their Enneagram type one and why they think, feel, and behave in their particular way.

Meet Alyssa: A Type One's Journey

Beth 2:46

So our guest today is none other than my executive assistant, Alyssa Ramsey. Now, Alyssa and her husband, Ryan, they live in rural Indiana, where her husband is the lead pastor in the church that she grew up in. Alyssa is again, the executive pastor of me, uh, your any room coach, Beth McCord, and she loves creating workflows, organizing systems, um, helping her husband with sleep. She's really good at it. Um, she's really great at running a small woodworking, uh, business, a side hustle they have and being involved in her church. And she has two children, a sixth grader and a second grader. Um, and they definitely keep her on her toes. She loves to be in CrossFit. She loves John Mayer. She loves Harry Potter. And she loves to be with people. One thing that she loves that I love is good sunset. So her and I are going to have to share notes or pictures because I love a good sunset. Now I could go on and on about how amazing Alyssa is as a friend and my executive assistant, but I want you to actually experience this coaching session. So let's dive in. Okay, Hey, Alyssa, it's so great to have you. Thank you for being with me.

Alyssa 3:57

Of course. I'm happy to be here, Beth. Thanks for asking me.

Beth 4:00

Yeah. So we've been on a journey, you and I working together since July. And so it's been really amazing having you on board and your type one qualities have been absolutely stellar. Um, And they are so beneficial in so many ways I could just go on and on, but we'll move into this guide sheet number one. But I do know that as you came on board, it was during a season of my life that I was kind of in and out helping my parents, but it was also a season in your life. So that was hard, but then it was a hard season for you because you hurt your back. I know that we kind of talked ahead of time how this. Back issue and challenge and pain has really been pretty, pretty challenging, literally a pain in the back. Yeah, for

Alyssa 4:55

sure. So

Beth 4:56

I thought that might be. a great thing to kind of really focus in on, but also if there's anything else that comes up as we're going through these, like, let's say we read something and you're like, Oh my gosh, when I was in middle school, that thing happened. And I remember that. And now this is all making sense. So bring in anything that correlates with what we're talking about or learning, because it's in those moments that you're creating new neural pathways to have better aha moments. And when you have those aha moments. It's going to be, you're going to be able to access that again, faster the next time something like this happens, which of course is the goal. Um, and that way you will, we, what we really see with Enneagram coaching is accelerated growth and it's really in talking things through and correlating them with your own story. that that actually happens. So just know that you can bring in any questions, thoughts, stories, aha moments. All of that is not only, um, fun, but it is absolutely crucial into your own personal growth. So does that sound good? Sounds

Alyssa 6:07

great.

Beth 6:08

Okay. So as we go through the guide sheet, this is the first guide sheet of five that our coaches take, um, their new clients through. And in this, um, Um, we'll kind of walk through different segments. And for those that are on YouTube, they're going to be able to see this guide sheet. For those that are not, we'll walk through it. So, which I would anyway with, you know, my client, um, but we'll walk through it. And we established ahead of time that you would like me to start. to read and see if you absorb the information, um, easier that way. But we also might switch off if you find yourself, because I sometimes wander off when people are talking and then sometimes I'm better when I read. So we'll just kind of see how that goes. So on the first guide sheet, at the top, it has the name and it has Uh, five words that describe the type one from kind of healthy to less healthy. So the type one is the principled reformer. We also call it, um, the, uh, The yeah, principled reformer. Wait, what? Yeah, or the moral perfectionist is what other people call it I just I was like where what is that other word? um, and there's other people call it the perfectionist, but I like principled reformer because Yeah type ones aren't always necessarily thinking of themselves as perfectionist as much as reformers. Does that resonate with you?

Alyssa 7:33

Yeah. I mean, I feel like perfectionist can have kind of a negative connotation at times. So I feel like this is less of an attack, you know, to have it put that way. Um, but yeah, I like that because, you know, we're talking about As a one, I'm always, I feel like I'm always trying to maybe improve something. So I feel like that makes it sound a little bit.

Beth 7:54

Yeah. And that is positive, right? I mean, we want things to improve and then the principal part really has to do, cause lots of types might want to improve, but the principal part really shows how a type one is really focused on what's right and wrong. It's more about ethics procedures. Um, Kind of in that vein, other types that let's say are perfectionistic, they might be perfectionistic in their own, um, perspective from their type, but for the one it really is having to do with that right, wrong, ethics, morals, et cetera. Does that feel true for you?

Alyssa 8:33

Yeah, for sure.

Beth 8:35

Great. Okay, so the five words are conscientious, orderly, Appropriate, ethical, and judgmental. So just seeing and hearing those words, what popped up at you the most, or was a gut punch or like, Oh yeah, that is me. Yeah, it's a good gift. What popped up to you the most and why? Well, so

Alyssa 9:00

yeah, I mean, each in their own way, they kind of do, but the judgmental one feels really harsh just in knowing that, like, I know that sometimes I can kind of Do that. We've talked about how, like, as a one, when you walk into a room, like as a one, like you have a tendency to kind of just see things without like they attack you is what you said is like, as a one, you walk into a room and you don't mean to see the imperfections, but they just kind of attack you. And I feel like that I kind of have a tendency to do that, obviously with all things. Um, and you know, when it comes to motherhood and then I'm a pastor's wife too. So, um, I feel like. Being a mom and a pastor's wife, I kind of feel like I'm constantly aware of my children's behavior. And so I feel like the judgmental piece kind of plays into that a little bit. Like I don't want it to, but I feel like I'm always aware of how my kids are behaving because I feel like others are always aware of how they're behaving. So that's the first one. I think that kind of pops out at me, but orderly is definitely. I feel like I'm, I mean, I was telling you, I have all of my, my notes. Like I've, I've kind of, you know, I've always got like my, my method of organization of trying to kind of create structure because it feels safe. I guess I have that sense of control, um, over, you know, maybe how I perceive control and, and feeling like I can make sure things go the way that I feel like can go in a safe way so that I. Not hurt or exposed. Um,

Beth 10:40

so

Alyssa 10:41

those are probably a big one,

Beth 10:42

but kind of like Even when you were talking about that, it feels maybe the way you were saying it, it kind of feels like maybe it's not right to be orderly or there's parts of it that are negative versus more that are positive. Does that, is that how you were feeling in the moment?

Alyssa 11:04

I mean, maybe yes and no, I think there are parts of it that I really appreciate because then I feel like it can. Help me make sure that I'm not forgetting things or, you know, that kind of thing. But I feel like at times it can also prevent me maybe from being more free in the moment to really appreciate what's going on around me or not feeling. My guess, my inner critic of telling me, like, I need to do this certain thing or act this certain way. Um, So I feel like that free of spirit, maybe sometimes is not, is hindered, I guess, by the orderly.

Beth 11:41

Well, and I love that because, um, when type ones usually come for coaching, most of them and then not all of them, but most of them come to me and they say, Beth, I need coaching. And I just got to let you know, I'm really unhealthy. And I internally chuckle because I don't want to chuckle. I don't want them to feel like I'm laughing at them, but I'm chuckling because that is a very one ish thought. It's, it's very much following the lead of the inner critic. And so there's part of me that wants to laugh like, Oh, type one, you know, like, let me give you a big hug. And then there's part of me that's like, Oh, I'm really sorry. Like that is got to be so painful. And then when we go through like the guide sheets, especially guide sheet, number three, where we talk through the levels of health, they're able to see, oh, okay, wait, I'm not unhealthy. Maybe I'm not the healthiest I could be, but I'm actually doing. Way better than I thought, and that seems to be very freeing for the type ones because the inner critic is constantly bombarding them with what they need to fix and how they're either not fixable or they're wrong or they're bad. Does that, does that seem true for you in your experience?

Alyssa 12:56

Yeah, I mean, I feel like there's always kind of that, you know, I guess voice in the back of your head that's like, I need to do this thing or I could do this thing better. Or, um, maybe you shouldn't have done that thing that you already did because then. You know, this result wouldn't have happened or whatever it might be. But yeah, those thoughts are always kind of playing in the back of my mind for sure.

Beth 13:18

Yeah. And so like when you were talking about orderly, I think, you know, cause it's on the positive side on this, you know, sheet, but everything can have a positive and negative, right? Like you can be You can be healthy in your orderliness and you can be very unhealthy. Like you're saying, like it can be very controlling and rigid and you don't have the flexibility. So what I appreciate about what you said is you were showing both the positives and the negatives, and you could see the both sides. And I think that will take you. Really far and not just that, but even all these words now, obviously judgmental can at times be very harmful, but at the same time it can be an asset, right? Like for a type one to see right and wrong, and to be able to call it out and to name it is a gift, but obviously it can get, it can slide really far pretty easily to being harmful at the same time. And so I think that's what. Is really important for all of us to see like there's a spectrum and I think there are several pipes type one being one of them that they're very black and white. And so. if you have the connotation in your mind, the word judgment is just bad. It might stay that way versus seeing the positive that it really, um, gives you. And yeah, so, um, anyway, I'm just really glad that you were able to kind of bring both sides of that, especially with orderly. Now I will say those that are watching on YouTube, they're going to see that I on the right hand side didn't get to cover up all the words, you know, and so there's a few words that are peeking out, um, or letters I should say. And I just laugh because, um, usually when mistakes are made, like on social media posts or whatever, it's usually with the type one stuff. And I just laugh cause I'm like, I am so sorry. We've been out at you and it's assaulting you. You didn't have to kind of like deal with it. But then I laugh and I tell people, I'm just giving you practice, you know, just giving you practice. So anyway, so those are, are looking at this, they're probably doing that. And does that feel true? Like when you, when you saw this, it's like, that was probably the first thing. You saw? Yeah. Yep. Yeah. Mm-Hmm. Whereas those other types that are gonna be like, oh, I didn't even notice that. You know? It's so funny how that that works.

Diving Deep into Type One's Core Motivations

Beth 15:38

Okay, so let's get to really the heart of being a type one, which is the core motivations. And again, this is why you think, feel, and behave in the particular ways that you do as a type one versus any of the other types and the core fears, which are. Constantly running away from or trying to prevent from happening. The core desire is like, Oh, if I just have this, I will feel as if life is full and perfect and just the way it should be. And then the core weakness, um, is kind of your thorn in your side, your Achilles heel, that thing that's constantly tripping you up. Um, and then the core longing is the message your heart longs to hear and experience. So the core fear for the type one is the fear of being wrong, bad. Evil, inappropriate, unredeemable, or corruptible. The core desire is having integrity, being good, balanced, accurate, virtuous, and right. The core weakness is resentment, and this is where the type one is repressing anger that leads to a continual frustration and dissatisfaction with themselves, others, and the world. Bye bye. For not being perfect or right, or the way it should be. And then the core longing, this is the message you long to hear and experience. And that message is you are good. So just hearing all four of those, what stood out to you and why? Um, positive and negative, but also. Are there any stories that really just kind of come to mind from your life that you're like, Oh my goodness, now I see this more clearly, or that's when this happened.

Alyssa 17:16

Yeah, I think, um, yeah. We talked about that the other day when we were talking about my back and it didn't really hit me until today for some reason I was sitting through and kind of processing some of that. And, um, it's so funny, like we've talked about this a few times, like through my, my back issue, there's been, um, a lot of frustration of course, but there've been, moments where God has kind of woven in his, his goodness. And, um, so today I was kind of just sitting in and processing and praying and trying to kind of have God kind of give me, you know, some peace about what we were going to be talking about today. And, um, I have a, I'm doing, I don't know if you've heard of it, it's called the Bible recap, but anyways, it has a reading plan of certain things that you're supposed to read, you know, for the different days. And I actually started it last year and I'm like on day 146. So I only got about halfway through last year, which as my type one, I was, you know, I feel a little down on myself for not finishing it, but, um, literally my first

Beth 18:24

thought was, my first thought was, wow, that's impressive.

Alyssa 18:30

Well, I, um, have never actually fully read the Bible from like, start to finish. You know, you feel like maybe you've read it. Probably in most over the course of your lifetime or whatever. But that was a goal that I had. So I'm still working through that goal. I'm not going to quit. But anyways, it's just funny how, you know, technically I was looking at it earlier. Um, it's I think I would have been in like May or June of last year at the, on the day that I'm at now. And even though I'm reading that, Almost an entire year behind schedule. What I read today just felt very poignant at what, um, Where I'm at right now. And so it's Psalm 139, which is, you know, a verse, um, or a chapter that we've all read many, many times. But reading it today was just kind of like, okay, God, thank you for. Your goodness and sharing that with me. And it was, um, Psalm 139 and it's versus, uh, 13 and 14, where it talks about, you know, how God made us. And, um, verse 14 says, thank you for making me so wonderfully complex. Your workmanship is marvelous and how well I know it. And that hit me today because I was like, part of my resentment in this season is feeling The frustration of, um, my body feeling so complex that we haven't fully resolved what's going on. And, um, not feeling like we've really made any progress from the time that this has started to now. I have medicine that's masking a lot of my symptoms, but there's a lot of resentment and frustration and feeling like, why is this so difficult to figure out? Why don't we have a solution? Why am I still struggling with this? And so when I read that today, it was kind of like God saying, You know, my complexity and how I made you shows my goodness and my power. And just a reminder that, um, Those are good things and not necessarily bad things. So anyway, so my, my, I felt like God was turning that around a little bit, but I hadn't really thought about the resentment piece, um, too much until we had talked about it. And so, you know, just feeling, you know, some, some clarity on, you know, I've been resenting what God has intended for good. Um, Yeah, I don't know. It's just kind of I'm still processing a little bit since it was today. But, you know, resentment for not having a solution or resentment for, um, you know, there's a lot of layers to that. I mean, in the back situation, there's, you know, resentment for, you know, maybe not feeling like I'm meeting my own level of expectation, um, that I've set for myself. Um, or, you know, uh, yeah. The lack of control where I'm used to being the person who is, um, helping others or, um, doing all the different things in my, in this season, having to really step back and slow down. And, um, Yeah. So yeah, it's, the resentment is a, is a big one right now as I'm still kind of processing through this season.

Beth 21:51

Yeah. Cause you know, like when you also kind of combine that with like the core fear, let's just kind of focus on the back situation. So it really has kept you, like you were saying, from doing a lot of things. Different things in different, different months. Right. So some months like it really kept you from lots of things, other minds, just a little bit. Um, but so with the core fear. What, how did you, in a sense, how did your core fear pop up in those months of fearing being wrong, bad, evil, inappropriate, unredeemable, or corruptible. And you know, when you see those words and you think about, well, it's just, it's your back pain. Like there's nothing like you didn't do anything evil, but what people don't understand it's those fears are going to creep up. And whether you're thinking about those words specifically, that may not actually happen. It may just be this overall feeling that. My back is keeping me from doing X, Y, and Z. Therefore I'm wrong or I'm bad or I'm this or I'm that what, which one of those words really resonate with you in accordance with the back issue?

Alyssa 23:04

Yeah, I think this is also another one that's really layered because there's the whole, um, fear that I may have caused this out of maybe my, um, You know, having done CrossFit or, or whatever. And my intention of starting CrossFit was in and of itself, good. Like I was trying to strengthen my back and trying to be healthy and, and take care of myself and. Um, ultimately may have, you know, done something bad or wrong that then ultimately caused this. Um, but then, you know, there's the layer of, um, maybe feeling like I'm not a good enough mother, or I'm not being a good enough wife because I'm not able to do the things that I'm used to being able to do. And feeling like maybe I am, Missing my own mark of, um, certain things. And like one of them, I mean, we talked about it the other day about, you know, Having to last fall, we had, we being in ministry, you get very few times to take time off. And, um, so we usually like once a year have a family vacation, kind of a thing that we try and take. And so last year our intent was to take our kids down to Tennessee, as you know. And, um, we were really excited about it. That is one of my favorite places. Um, and I wanted my kids to be able to see it and experience it and having to, Come to the realization that there is no way I could have taken that trip sitting in that car for that long, um, having the pain that I was having so just feeling like it was my fault and feeling like I had done something wrong or because of me, we were having to miss out on an opportunity or special memories with the kids. Um, so yeah, that those are there's a lot of layers with that again too, but, um, Yeah, those are two that have been really hard.

Beth 25:03

Yeah. And then like, it was kind of like also you were, when you were talking about again, being a pastor's wife, which, you know, I too was a pastor's wife for many years. So I completely understand what you're saying about like with the kids and stuff

Alyssa 25:16

and

Beth 25:17

you know, just that core desire. I could really hear, you know, I, I desire for Us, you know, as a family to have integrity, to be good, you know, to be virtuous, to be right. And like, there is a kind of a right way of so and so behaving, you know, like that's kind of what's going on in a lot of the back of our minds. And, um, so. Does that feel like the core desire in that specific, uh, specific situation? Does, do those correlate with what you were, what you're feeling when maybe like the kids are not, you know, acting the way you think they should, or what you think others think they should is, are these the core desires that are usually popping up?

Alyssa 26:00

Yeah, for sure. Because, um, I feel like in, in response to the kids specifically, like if they Behaving in a way that I feel like others are perceiving as. You know right and good then I feel like that's a reflection then on me Um, and that you know, maybe i'm not You know being a good enough example, or i'm not teaching them well enough or raising them the right way or i'm missing something and um You know, I there was a few years ago Um, I had went to a women's conference and i've heard somebody speak about um Something similar. They had a son who, you know, they raised them in the church and, and taught them, you know, about the Lord. And when they were older, they had a lot of struggles making some poor decisions and felt that they, as a parent had, um, really messed up. And I remember them saying that, um, there's that verse that many people use that, If you raise them in the way that they should go, that when they're old, they will not turn from it. And I remember them saying that, you know, that verse can so easily be, um, I don't know if misconstrued is maybe the right way to put it, but taught in the way that it can bring a lot of shame and a lot of guilt. Um, but that. If you look at it, maybe more from the lens of how God intends for that to be heard, is that, you know, you can do everything right on your end, um, and that when they get older, it's not necessarily that they're going to turn out perfect and turn out great. They, they're their own individual person, but you've done everything that you could to, to teach them. You know, God's way and that they won't be able to forget those things that they'll remember those and that they'll be held accountable to those someday. And so I try and remind myself of that, but it's still easy to, you know, in my people pleasing tendencies to feel like, you know, my kids need to behave a certain way. And if they're not behaving a certain way, then that reflects upon me and my character and my. Yeah. Um, yeah, my parenting. So,

Beth 28:10

yeah. And it's interesting cause I think, you know, there's going to be a lot of, you know, moms out there that are kind of like me too, me too. And they're going to be different types, but they're probably thinking it from a different, slightly different angle, sometimes the same, but, you know, kind of from different angles. Um, and cause we can all kind of people please, you know, from our own vantage point, yeah. Um, and so, yeah, it's just really interesting, but I, I can completely understand. And like, you know, really, I literally envisioning, you know, when my kids were little and in the pews, it was just like, Oh yeah, just the stress that, you know, um, we felt, but I think a lot of times, you know, I picked up, um, That same feeling from, uh, you know, what other people might think actually from when I was growing up and hearing the adults back then openly talk about their displeasure with children in particular, and how back then it was like kids shouldn't be seen, heard, um, You know, and so I took that into consideration when I was parenting, when I think our generation's a little bit, or the generation that's there now is just a little bit different, but I had it really ingrained in my mind of what others had been saying years, years ago. Does that, is that true for you?

Alyssa 29:32

Oh, yeah. Yeah. And my husband too, because, um, he will often from the pulpit, especially on big Sundays when they're, you know, like on the Easter or Christmas, when there are a lot of people there who maybe aren't there on a normal basis, make sure that he says, you know, don't, don't feel like your child crying or your child making noises, bothering me. We love having your kids in here in the service with us. And

Beth 29:55

we

Alyssa 29:55

have a saying that, you know, if there's not crying, then your church is dying. So we love hearing the sounds of. Of young people because we want them there. We want their kids there. We want their kids to come and come to know the Lord and have good memories of being at church. And so, but yeah, we both experienced that for sure. Um, and so that has

Beth 30:16

your mind is like this record player that's playing in the background, right?

Alyssa 30:20

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And it's hard not to, you know, put that on your own kids. Um, especially, I mean, being, I mean, not that. Every parent doesn't have the same struggles, but being the pastor's wife, there definitely is a different expectation and set of eyes on your own kids. And so it does put a little bit different, um, different pressure on, I feel like on me and on my kids. And so we try to, you know, when, um, when we might hear the comment, like your kid was running in the hallway and they may have knocked somebody down, like, okay, we'll have a conversation with him about it, but he is 10 years old or whatever it is, you know, like he's a kid. You know, he's not going to be thinking about that quite, quite at the same level as everybody else. But, but yeah, for sure. It's hard.

Beth 31:08

And so the last thing I wanted to touch on was the core longing. So what would it feel like for Someone just to really like, look at you and just be like, Alyssa, you are good. Like, what does that do for you internally?

Alyssa 31:26

Yeah. Um, you know, even just, it means something more coming from somebody that you have a relationship with. Right. And I feel like I have a little bit of a unique, um, opportunity, like having worked with you for a while and, and. Not just being maybe your average one who comes on here and doesn't, you know, get to have that relationship ahead of time. But you even just looking at me and saying that like, It just, it really kind of humbles you quite a bit because, um, you know, that inner critic is always constantly telling you like all of these different things that maybe you could improve on or do better or, um, has you distracted and, and other things. And for even just you to look at me and say that it's like, Oh man, like, thank you. I really appreciate that. It means a lot coming from somebody that you, that really knows you and sees all your flaws and sees all of the, you know, cause we. As having that inner critic are obviously harsher on ourselves are obviously hearing a lot of other things that maybe other people aren't even taking into consideration, we're much harder on ourselves than what somebody else is going to be in. And so for you to see me in my flaws and see me in. You know, my humanness, um, and say that has a whole different, um, layer coming, you know, other than it being somebody, maybe that doesn't know me very well. So like for my husband to say that, you know, my husband obviously will know me deeper than anybody else will, and we'll have seen all the good and bad and ugly. Right. So for him to say something like that too, like that, that means a lot. It means, you know, it means that it kind of quiets that inner critic a little bit, like maybe that inner critic isn't. As true, um, as we often feel like it is.

Beth 33:21

Yeah. And, and just to kind of like, to help others to know, is it that it has to be, you are, excuse me, you are good, or is it just the concept, but it can be said in lots of different ways.

Alyssa 33:36

Um, I mean, I think it, it can have a lot of different meaning. I think just the overall, at least for me, like, saying that you are good, just kind of, I don't know, overall, just kind of makes you feel like, Oh, you know, in my own mind, it kind of quiets all those things that I maybe tell myself are, because I don't make me good enough.

Beth 34:03

I'm assuming it's it's different if I were to say, Alyssa, you did a good job on X, Y, and Z, which of course, That feels good too, but it's not the same as saying, no, you are good. Um, and that's where, you know, for us, we really bring in the gospel here is that real transformation and why we use the Enneagram is to focus. The first step is to recognize core longing has already been satisfied by Christ. And so with the pipe one, especially we'll always use, and I'm Everyone else can use it too. Right. But really the verse, uh, Romans eight, one is. So crucial, like there's no more condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus. And also the verse that, you know, he has imputed his righteousness has put on his righteousness. So when God looks at you, he's not only taken away your sins, but he has put on you righteousness. And so God can look at you and say, you are good, not because you've done something good, but because grace has done good, righteous work on your behalf. And that just brings so much more freedom because then you don't have to strive. Getting it from other people or actually doing good things. Those are great. But if you start with the satisfaction that Christ gives us, then everything else is just like icing on the cake. Would you say that's true?

Alyssa 35:27

Oh, yeah, absolutely. I love, um, I love being able to think that, you know, I don't have to do anything. To be good when I think about Christ, you know, covering that for me and giving me that grace, because I don't give that grace to myself. And it helps me feel, um, helps me feel, yeah, just, and I think it's especially special coming now into like the Easter season that we're getting ready to go into and thinking about all that kind of comes with that. Um, yeah, just knowing that there's nothing that I could do to be good. It's very, like you said, it's very freeing, um, because I feel like it's very easy as a one to feel like I have to continue striving or continue doing things to meet an expectation or meet my to do list or whatever. There's always the constant, um, running and, you know, Inner, I don't know, inner motor of almost feeling like I have to kind of just keep attaining, you know, a certain level of expectation on myself. And if you stop and you kind of quiet yourself down and realize, you know, of course that, you know, we want to do our best and give our best here in the earthly and worldly things. But when it comes to, you know, our spiritual walk, um, Or, you know, maybe not meeting that perfectionist level. We don't have to with Christ because

Beth 36:54

there's

Alyssa 36:54

not anything that we could do good or bad. That's going to not only help have him withhold his grace and his goodness from us, but that will make us any better.

Beth 37:04

Yeah. Turn it.

Alyssa 37:06

So,

Beth 37:07

yeah. Okay. So let's go into the next part of the guide sheet and I'll read this, um, and I might Stop halfway.

Unpacking the Complexities of Being Type One

Beth 37:15

We'll see. Um, but as I'm reading, just kind of, you know, think again, what is standing out the most to you? What's a gut punch or what's like refreshing and why? And then we'll talk about it, um, when I'm done. So as a type one, you're upstanding and responsible, you strive to do what you view as right. You walk through life focused on the things that should be, and you seek to approve or improve everything around you. However, this is an. This is an imperfect world and you are often feel assaulted by the flaws that you notice at every turn in an attempt to appease this, you carry a personal obligation to correct the errors in your everyday life. This overwhelming burden leaves you with a chronic dissatisfaction since the task of improving things never ends. You often don't acknowledge your frustration and even your anger, because that would be quote unquote bad. And your core longing is to be seen as good. You wrestle with an internal resentment because you can't control life and put everything the way it should be. When trying to satisfy your core longing for things to be good and right apart from Christ, you can become self controlling. But as. But also perfectionistic and critical of others, you struggle in relationships when others experience your quote unquote helpful advice as criticism and judgment, or perceive you as overly demanding of perfection perfection, though your heart is genuine. However, when your heart aligns with the gospel, you learn to, you learn to take your longings to Christ. You can let go of the extremely high and unrealistic standards. Then your principled and purposeful nature can bring out the best in yourself and in others. Truly making the world a better place when you don't have to prove that you are good and earn the love you so desperately long for, you can find rest. So what stood out the most and why?

Alyssa 39:31

Well, there's a few things I kind of thought of the first one, you're going to laugh at this. The first one is I have this like, Incessant need. As soon as my family goes out the door for the day, I have to go and straighten up everything after them. Like I need to make sure that the pillows were

Embracing Imperfection and Finding Perspective

Alyssa 39:45

fluffed just right. And the blankets were put back and all the dog toys aren't strewn all over the house. You know? And, um, sometimes that can cause, you know, the frustration of like, why can't they just leave things where they belong? Um, but, um, the other piece of that is in this season of. having to kind of slow down and not being able to do everything at the same, like it says, extremely high and unrealistic standards that I would normally try and keep things. It's caused me to kind of shift my focus a little bit in the sense that like, it's okay if the basket of laundry is still sitting in the living room four days later because I didn't feel good enough to sit and fold it for an hour. You know what I mean? Um, so stuff like that where like, I've had a friend come by and, Fold the laundry for me. And I just sat and kept her company and we talked and like, those kinds of things are humbling and also just a great like flip of my perspective. Like it's okay if things aren't.

Navigating Relationship Dynamics with Humor and Insight

Alyssa 40:48

Exactly how I feel like they need to be the other thing, though, that made me laugh was, um, that second to last paragraph in the struggle of relationships of the helpful advice, because I feel like in my husband and wife relationship with my spouse that comes in quite frequently. Um, and as you know, my husband is a four and so he is. Feeling all of the feelings when I try and give him my helpful advice. And sometimes that can be a clashing point for us. And I was sitting here laughing about, um, when I was thinking about, you know, like in this season, how has, how has, how has his four interacted with my one? And, you know, it's funny how, when it comes to this helpful advice, like if we flip it the other way around, like. Him doing that for me has been, and I don't know how that plays into what we're talking about specifically, but him doing that for me has been super helpful because I know as like the pieces of my maybe like nine wing of not fully being able to understand my own feelings and process my own emotions and also wanting to shove them down because I don't want to process them and thinking about, think about them because they can be painful and hurtful. Um, but him being able to do that for me has been really great. So, Yeah. Kind of funny how that works. Yeah. And

The Dance of Enneagram Types in Relationships

Beth 42:17

I love that. Cause you know, uh, we teach a lot on the dance between two Enneagram types and how it can be misaligned and aligned. And, um, for all the, all the nine types, I mean, yeah, all the 45 combinations. And, you know, like you were saying, like your helpful advice, when. When you are in a place that you're not needing him to affirm that you're good, um, by giving this helpful advice, right? By like doing the right thing as a wife or what you're thinking is the right thing you're resting in the grace and the goodness and the righteousness of Christ and that, you know, Therefore you are good and seeing is that way you're able to then incorporate this new layer and level of emotions so that when you're giving the helpful advice, you're able to see and attune to him as a type four and what he's needing and be able to meet him. At least partly, you know, you're not going to be a four, right? You're not going to actually. Become a four, but you can meet him in that space because you're satisfied. You have what you need and vice versa. When he has his longing met through Christ, he can then meet you where you, what your needs are. And a lot of times we're giving to another. What we think is loving and then we're surprised when they don't receive it that way, you know, so like your helpful advice, like that's why I put helpful with it because other people are like, no, that was criticism or I felt judged, you know, like, no, I'm really trying to get the best of what I have. And, and so he'll also be able to hear, you know, That when the helpful advice lands on him as critical, he can ask curious questions and clarify before assuming that it was an attack, you know, that it was actually helpful. Um, so I love how, you know, that dance can kind of play, um, through the one in the four. And yeah, you can get really stuck in it, but also it can be a really beautiful dynamic when you're meeting him in that four space. And he's also, like you said, kind of coming in and giving you helpful advice. through the realm of emotions to help you go to the places that are really hard and scary, but he can navigate. He can be like, Hey, here, I'm, I'm, you know, I'm your best friend. Let's walk this together. I know this is hard for you, but I can sit in this all day long and I'm perfectly fine. Right.

Alyssa 44:45

Yeah. And that has been huge for us. Like the Enneagram in terms of like him knowing that I, Emma one and and view things or view the world a certain way helps him understand that a little bit more of the sense of when I'm trying to be helpful that he knows what my intent is behind it doesn't always play out perfectly by any means, but it's it's helpful. But yeah,

Beth 45:08

You're that much more far ahead of clarity and understanding versus why is he doing that or why is she doing that? You know, like at least you have an insight.

Alyssa 45:17

Yeah, it helps you at least like pause and kind of like stop and go Oh, well, let's really think about maybe why they're doing what they're doing. Um, But yeah, so, so yeah, those are a few of the things that kind of just really stuck out. Um, but they kind of made me chuckle when you were reading those.

Beth 45:37

Yeah. Yeah.

Understanding the Inner Critic of Type One

Beth 45:38

One thing I wanted to ask you, and we kind of talked about this the other day, um, is what is, what is your inner critic like? And the reason why I bring that up is so often people do not understand what the inner critic is like for the type one versus. Maybe what others are experiencing because we all have an inner critic. And so others are thinking of it like the other types are thinking of it from their perspective, you know, and it might show up a little here, a little there, you know, a little whisper, a little, you know, poke and prod, but with a type one, it's very different. Can you kind of almost describe. What your type one is like, maybe even like, does it have a certain voice? Does it have a tone? Um, yes. What is it like for you?

Alyssa 46:27

Um, I think the best way that I could probably try and sum it up is just, um, feeling like there's always something telling me I could do something a little bit different or better or more. Like I'm just not meeting that expectation. And I think it's just, um, And especially in this season, it's, it's been pretty loud just because, like I said, I'm used to doing things to a certain level. And for the, almost the last year, it's been, oh, It's been completely different in terms of having to just really slow down, or I can't, I can't do CrossFit right now, or I can't volunteer in all the ways that I want to, or I can't, you know, do all of the things with my kids that I want to, and so, just the, the loudness of, like, I'm not doing enough, where there's, yeah, I don't know, I think that's probably the hardest.

Beth 47:32

Yeah. And is it persistent? Is it loud? Is it berating? Is it, um, constant? Um,

Alyssa 47:40

I mean, I would say it's, it's probably fairly constant. I have had to Really kind of put some things in place that help me kind of quiet that so for me a lot of times It's either I turn on some worship music or I know like if that voice is getting kind of loud I need to sit and maybe spend some time reading My Bible so that I can, you know, like moments like today where I was like, I know that I'm feeling a lot of, you know, condemnation in what I'm hearing. And so I need to go to scripture so that I can hear what God's truth actually says. Um, and just those sweet moments of like today where it was a reminder of, you know, What I'm hearing or feeling in that resentment isn't actually what Christ says or the the loudness of You know, this is how it's always going to be or you know this isn't going to get better and you know coming back to you know, something I read today was 139 Psalm 139 verse 8 was the Lord will work out a way His plans for my life. Um, where you are, you're a faithful level. Lord endures forever. Don't abandon me for you made me, but just the reminder of like, he has plans for my life and knowing that those plans are good. He doesn't, he doesn't have. You know, ill intent for me and just, um, you know, finding ways to kind of combat what I'm constantly hearing in my head helps quiet that down, but it does, it can get very loud if I don't, you know, find, if I don't recognize it and then choose to do something to quiet it down.

Beth 49:31

And that's kind of what I, you know, and I, I love how you've painted that picture because. other type ones are going to be like, Oh, it's not very loud for her. You know? And it's like, what you're, what I hear you saying is, Oh no, it's been loud, but I've had to learn and put certain things in place to help me not allow it to consume me and to be so harsh and detrimental. Um, And yeah, I think that's just, you know, amazing, but that there are seasons where it has been really loud and painful and hard and harsh. Um, one thing that I always bring up with my type one clients and usually the first time they hear it, they just kind of take a step back. Like it's the first time they've ever thought of it. And it's that the Holy spirit is not the inner critic or the inner critic is not the Holy spirit. And a lot of times they're just like, wait, what, you know, like I've been following this. it's God, you know, saying what's right and what's wrong and I should be better. And the reason why I want to paint that picture is because the Holy spirit, as the Bible describes the fruit of the Holy spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, self control, and that's not. What the inner critic is doing. The inner critic is dimming, shaming, making us feel guilty. Um, swallowing us alive with, you know, all the things that I'm doing wrong. Others are doing wrong, pitting us from ourselves against others, you know, and all these things. And it's, it's not what the Holy spirit is doing. Now that doesn't mean that the inner critic All in itself is wrong, but we have to recognize when it goes into that mode, that is not the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is going to bring to us awareness, but with kindness, with grace, with the reminder of what is. He has already done for and in through us and what our identity is in him and how we can rest in that. So can you kind of talk about like, when we talked about that the other day, what has that been like to have that kind of aha moment or to see them different, like separate from one another?

Alyssa 51:46

Yeah, I think, um, I mean, I actually went and had grabbed, um, you're more than your number book off the shelf so that I could look at it some more in terms of the one. And you talk about that in there too. And, um, you know, I, it wasn't a hot moment, but it was also like, I think we as Christians in general, um, have, you know, those thoughts or those things that come through our minds, whether it's as a type one, with it being inner something else. Um, speaking those lies of condemnation and, and stuff. And so for me, like having, not only do you have like your inner critic voice, which can be helpful or not helpful, but then you also have the worldly voices that are, you know, speaking condemnation. And so having to, I mean, I didn't correlate those worldly voices and that inner critic also, Being separate, I guess. I don't know. Like to think that, Oh, you know, the inner critic is not the Holy spirit because sometimes you feel like it could be like, because like you said, sometimes it's helpful. And so you feel like it's like that little cricket from or grasshopper, whatever he is from Pinocchio, you know, he's like, you know, trying to help you out and, um, yeah, to kind of. Have to separate almost all three of those apart from one another and go, Oh, you know, there's the Holy spirit. And then there's your inner critic who also can be positive or negative, but then you have, you know, the spiritual side of things and the world side of things that are also, and so just to, you know, specifically, so I, I guess today I was thinking about how, um, like, Lord, I need you to help me take a step back and know when you want me to move, because I need to be able to really process, like, when is it that you're telling me to do something, and when is it that it's Yeah, my inner critic that's speaking, like how to help me separate those two.

Beth 53:57

Exactly. And, and that can be tricky at times. And then there's gonna be other times it's like clear as day, right? You know, like, right. Yeah, not the Holy Spirit speaking right now. Um, yeah, but yeah, I think that's really, really good for all of

Exploring the Growth and Stress Paths of Type One

Beth 54:09

us. To put that into our mind, uh, but also to give the type ones of reprieve, you know, to breathe, to feel the grace, the freshness of the Holy spirit, you know, um, is, and actually that goes into what we're going to be talking about here on the backside of the guide sheet, which is the integrand paths, which are the lines. Um, that you're connected to two other types. So you're connected to seven and four. And those that aren't seeing, uh, the guide sheet, they're just listening. There are four boxes here and they're all for type one, but there's a box on the left hand side. That's talking about her stress path. And then there's the blind spot path next to it and the growth path and the converging path. So I'm going to walk you through how all of these. Uh, play out and so then we can like kind of talk about when these different parts of you, so you're not gonna become a seven, you're not becoming a four, but they definitely influence your type one and in healthy and unhealthy ways, both of them. Um, so when you're under stress, you can take on some of the average, the unhealthy parts of type four and how that might appear is that you'll feel that others do not understand how disciplined you are in your efforts to make things right. You might withdraw when you feel moody or misunderstood so that you can work out your emotions alone. And you might desire to be free of responsibilities and be free to be your authentic self. Does that feel true when you're stressed?

Alyssa 55:35

Yeah, for sure. Like I said, with this situation kind of going on, it's been easier to try and shove those emotions down. And the other thing that I thought of too is, um, and maybe that comes up later. I can't remember where that, where that was at, but there's the whole idea of. Um, Oh, it's the type nine piece, but the, um, not wanting to burden others with my feelings and emotions. Um, and so, yeah, trying to process those emotions in a healthy way. It's really challenging even on its own, but, um, also the layer of not wanting to put those on anybody else so that they have to feel them too. Um, and then also the desire to be free of all responsibilities and be your authentic self. Cause sometimes like it can be overwhelming to feel like I have this constant to do list or this constant expectation of level of stuff that I feel like I have to. You know, me or do, and sometimes I just want to do nothing. And so then I find myself sometimes like. Okay, I'm doing nothing tonight, and then I feel overwhelmed by the fact that I have dishes and laundry and you know all those things that then I've kind of pushed off to the side and they're still gonna be there later and having to find the balance of being okay with that and Finding the ability to truly Rest from my responsibilities and not let them continue to hang over.

Beth 57:15

Yeah. And like, so like for an example would probably be like when you guys were going to go to Tennessee for that trip and you couldn't go and then, and at first I think you were going to have, like, they were going to go, but then they decided not to go without you. And did you feel kind of, well, or let's say before they decided not to go. I mean, on one side, you're probably like, yes, go. I want you guys to have fun. But then did you feel kind of that sense of stress? Like. You know, I'm doing all of these things and I want to break too. And, and I'm feeling moody. And so I just want to withdraw and be kind of melancholy in the moment. Does that, yeah, so that's very much that four space that's going to pop in from time to time. And again, like, and we'll get to where the four comes in in a really healthy way. I use these, um, Boxes or these in a grand pass as rumble strips, like on the highway, that when you start to see yourself withdrawing and you're moody and you're like, nobody understands me, um, and you just, you feel like I have to be my authentic self. No one will let me just be me then. Those can be warning signs of, uh, I think I'm kind of heading down the wrong trajectory. Now, it's not that some of those things aren't true. We do actually want you to have freedom and grace and joy and abundance and all those things. But in our stress, we can kind of act out in ways that are less healthy. And so, like you've said earlier, bringing to mind a lot of these more healthy. Thoughts and, um, kind of behaviors can be really helpful. Now what's interesting is this blind spot path. And this always kind of like perks people's interests because a lot of times in the Enneagram, they haven't heard this term. And so with the blind spot path, this is also the same path of going to your growth path. So for you, your growth path is moving to type seven. Well, your blind spot path is the same and it's mainly used around your family, maybe a best friend, but. more or less your family. So the people you let your hair down with, you know, and they just got to know all of you, well, the blind spot path, you're going to move to the average, the unhealthy aspects of seven, and this is, we're going to become more self focused and demand that others meet your needs and desires, you're going to find a skill. gate patches, um, which are kind of unhealthy tendencies from your inner critic to distract you from those pressures that you're facing from it. And then you might become really silly or childish. Now we want the set, the type one to be childlike. We want them to experience that child likeness, joy, and abundance. This is like. going more into childishness. Um, and it's kind of, it's basically your growth path. We want you to, to have that child likeness, but that might feel really hard and like a stretch. So this kind of comes out sideways and you're maybe overly silly. Um, and it's maybe doesn't fit right in the moment anyway. So do these, Uh, resonate with you. And if so, what are like some moments that you've seen these happen?

Alyssa 1:00:27

Um, the first one was kind of the first thought that I had was because I, when I get frustrated or, um, if I'm feeling kind of down, Down. I expect others to understand that and meet those needs of feeling recognized that I'm feeling down or having a hard time without me wanting to talk about it. I don't know if that makes a lot of sense. Oh yeah. So, um, but then also like, I guess the, let's see, more focused in self focused and demand that others meet your needs. So yeah, just kind of the whole idea, I guess, of like, If I'm feeling really upset or I've got something going on, I don't necessarily. vocalize that a whole lot, but I expect others to. It feel better,

Beth 1:01:20

right? Yeah. And like, if they would just, like you were saying, like, if they would just pick up them after themselves before they leave for the day, I wouldn't have to do that. And I could do what I need to do next, you know? So, and again, everything's in a spectrum. So we have to remember, like, No, there's like, there's some good parts to that, but it can slip into the not so healthy parts. Um, okay. So the growth path is again, moving to seven, but this is when you're healthy. Okay. So this is when you're receiving the fact that your core longing of hearing you are good is coming from Christ and you are accepting that, which then allows you to accept it from others in. Different portions, right? It's not everyone's going to be great at it, but you're going to be able to absorb it from others as well because you fully absorbed it from Christ. So when you're moving in a healthy direction, healthy is hard, right? So growth is hard. So this isn't like, oh, I'm just going to move into my healthy seven space, you know, um, This is really when we're surrendering and depending on God and the Holy Spirit to work in and through us, you'll, what you'll see is some of the characteristics of the healthy seven, um, come in as well. So you're going to experience grace and joy, which creates more of a self accepting heart. You're going to become more enthusiastic, spontaneous, relaxed, joyful, positive, and optimistic. And you're able to see others, um, are trying their best. And give them more grace and kindness. And lastly, uh, feel the freedom to try something new and creative. When do you see these pop up for you?

Alyssa 1:02:54

Um, so we recently had went out to eat with some friends and um, we had a server who maybe wasn't the best. And so the people we were with was, um, they were having a hard time, you know, with that situation. And I think having. The perspective, like you said, of Christ and knowing that he has given me grace, it helps me oftentimes be able to kind of take a step back and, and look at the situation a little bit different. And I was like, you know what guys, like maybe we're the only ones that are going to be a good table for her today. Like maybe she had a really bad table before this or, you know, whatever the situation is in, um, being able to kind of take a step back and think about that. And. Yeah. And if I would choose to do that more often or be more intentional about it, would definitely, you know, help at home too, like with the kids or in those situations with, um, you know, stuff at church, like we were talking about earlier with, you know, maybe not putting so much pressure on them and just trying to remember like, Hey, like they're just kids and they're, you know, You know, having fun and experiencing life and not, um, trying to expect them to, you know, meet a certain level, but giving them that grace of. They're trying to do their best, but they're also kids and they're having a great time and

Beth 1:04:20

yeah, giving

Alyssa 1:04:21

them that grace. So,

Beth 1:04:22

yeah, no, I love that. And you know, it's, it's this kind of freeing space, right? Like, um, and that's where the child likeness comes in. And most ones do not feel like they could be children when they were young, they always had to be this little adult. And so that's kind of where the resentment comes in. And actually the resentment. Is deep seated sorrow and it's deep seated sorrow in the fact that they felt or feel like they couldn't ever be a child. And so they're still having to be this adult as they're an adult, you know, and no one else is like picking up the pieces and I have to do all the responsible things. Um, and that's where seven can be a gift because. The seven allow the seven part of your heart allows you to be free, to experience joy, to be childlike when you couldn't have experienced that when you're younger. Now, it's not like as a type one, you're just going to be out there like, you know, having, you know, a great time and no problem. Like I can just do that whenever I can be spontaneous, whenever that's just not how a one works. And that's why we say this is a combination of the two types together. So I actually tell my ones Uh, one clients to schedule spontaneity and then sevens are probably listening to that going. What are you talking about? That is obviously more odd, you know, for the type one, they can't just do spontaneity. Like it's, or at least the beginning. And so if you were to schedule, let's say an hour or a half day or whatever it is that you can set aside. To then in the moment, pick something random and fun. You know that you've set that aside. You're not like, you know, hindering anything else. You, you know that the list is going to get to, you know, when you come back or whatever, but it allows you to then in the moment, be spontaneous to be fun, to be childlike. So you don't want to schedule anything. You want to just see what that seven like space is like. What would that be like for you to schedule spontaneity?

Alyssa 1:06:31

So it's funny that you say that because I think I do it at times without really thinking about it, but yeah, so like, for example, like Friday, my husband and I are, um, going to take a, you know, trip down to Indianapolis for the day and to just know that that's on the calendar. And that's our plan without having really any other plan. Like we're going to go, you know, kind of just spend the day doing whatever we feel like doing, but knowing one that I'm with him. And so I don't have to really worry too much about. You know, anything else going on, but then also just at least knowing we have a plan, even though it's not a detailed plan is still, I guess, comforting is maybe the best way to put it, but it's also fun because who knows what we're going to end up actually doing that day, but. It's still going to be fun. So yeah,

Beth 1:07:25

exactly. And so that's going to be like, as you're going through that day, just kind of think, okay, I'm going to enter into my, my seven, like the seven part of my heart is going to come alive and we're just going to be spontaneous and things are just going to like unfold as. They should be, and some things will go right. Some things won't go right. And that is just the way it is, you know, and now, you know, the one part of your heart is going to chime in, you know, cause it's always there, you know, and it's going to be like, Oh, this didn't go right. Or, Oh, we got to control this situation. That's where you're like, I hear you, you know, and I understand, but today it's about. just having fun and enjoying. And so you'll have competing parts within you. That's just the way it is, but hopefully you're going to experience a lot more of that grace and joy and abundance from that type seven part of your heart that can come in. And so, um, I can't wait. To hear how it goes. Okay. The last box, um, is called the converging path. And this is when you've not only been more of a healthy version of the type one, but you've also brought in that healthy part of type seven that we were just talking about. And now you're actually able to go like a little step further and take on also. The healthy aspects of type four, and that's why we call it the converging path. And so what that will look like is that you're going to be able to tap into your inspiration, your creativity, and your passions by using your emotional spontaneity to express yourself more fully. You're going to withhold judgment, leaving room for a freer flow of raw emotions and authenticity. And you're going to set aside your to do list, slow down and experience the freedom and joy To be in the present moment. So when have you experienced these aspects?

Alyssa 1:09:12

Um, I think it's easiest probably to do that with the kids because you can, you know, do your best, I guess you can't fully do it, but try and have their mindset about life, right? They're like, you go to the park and you know, they're running around having a great time and just trying to fully encapsulate the joy and the, you know, The fun that they are having, not only just because they're doing something fun and exciting, but because they're getting to do it with you. Right. Um, but also like, I don't know this. I'm very old lady at heart. I don't know how much you know that about me, but for me to be creative and, um, Spontaneous looks like I was thought of this. It's sitting right over here. I haven't hung it up yet, but. I cross stitch like an old person. And so, Oh, I love that. I can't adult today. I can't adult today. So that's my, uh, I guess my emotional spontaneity and expressing my creativity through, you know, silly things that make me laugh, but truly express maybe how I'm feeling. Um, yeah. And I would also

Beth 1:10:22

say you showed us the other day, um, something that you made for your kids in Canva. And they were just like really words of affirmation. And that to me is like a perfect example of this book. Part of your heart that's in a really healthy space to be creative, to be joyful, to bring in truth. Right? So the goodness and the rightness of scripture and just what truth is for your kids to be able to hear and to bear for them. So it's kind of like this culmination. Does that make sense? How that's like the path? Yeah. Yeah.

Alyssa 1:10:57

That does make sense.

Beth 1:10:58

Yeah. Yeah. I like

The Journey of Self-Discovery and Embracing Imperfection

Beth 1:11:00

that. Last but not least is the internal message. So we all have this kind of record player in our mind. We have false messages always going on, but there's usually some that are a little bit louder or, um, kind of this background broken record player going on. And so for the type one, the messages, if I do everything perfect and right, then I am good and okay. Does that feel right to you and feel true?

Alyssa 1:11:26

Yeah, for sure. Cause if I feel like I'm, you know, doing all of the right things, then that will make me, or if I'm doing them perfectly or to the level that I feel like I'm, you know, need to, or if my house is, you know, organized and picked up after they go to school and go to work, then, you know, my day is going to be fine and things are going to be okay. And, you know, I've, I've done my part to control my environment. And so it's going to be. Right.

Beth 1:11:55

Right. Yeah, exactly. Um, and so a lot of times when I'm talking to each of the types, they are kind of looking at me like, but this is true. What do you mean this isn't true? Like this is true. I've experienced it. I'm like, okay, let me tell you the type nines and you'll see how it's not true. Because the type nines is if everyone else is good and okay, then I can be good and okay. And as a parent alone, you know, that's never a possibility, right? Right. No one's ever good and okay. And so that means those nines can never be good and okay. And that's just not true. And so the reason I bring that up is just. to help the other types to take a step back and realize you can be okay. Um, and good and okay. Even if things aren't perfect or aren't the right way, because he has taken care of everything. Everything is perfect. He has won the victory. He has given you the perfect. identity and that he is making all things good in the end. And so it's helpful for us to recognize, cause like there's some questions here that kind of combat this, um, false message. Like, so how, you know, will, you know, if things are right or perfect, like, how are you going to know it's like literally perfect. Um, and who says it's perfect or right, you know, so there's all of these questions you can kind of push against and really kind of think through. Um, Because we want you to feel the freedom of being so boxed into this perfect mold, or it has to be done just this way, because it's never going to be on this side of heaven. And therefore, if you believe this is right and true, this message, You'll never feel good and okay. Cause nothing on this side of heaven is going to be good. And okay.

Alyssa 1:13:49

Yeah.

Beth 1:13:49

So what is that like to kind of go, Oh yeah, I can't live by this now. That doesn't mean that we don't obviously move towards what's right and what's good and all that stuff, but to live as if this was going to happen, that you can control life in this way. What does that feel like to hear or to like experience like this in a new fresh way? Like, Oh, this message isn't true.

Alyssa 1:14:13

Yeah, I mean, um, it's one of those things that I feel like I'll have to always remind myself. Um, because that inner critic is always going to tell me, well, things need to be, you know, better, or they need to be done this certain way. And, um, you know, just to constantly have to try to remind myself that. You know, it's okay. And in this season, it has been helpful. Like I said, to have to slow down, even though I don't want to, but in this season to have to slow down and to rely upon other people in turn has been a blessing to me. And so in the imperfections I've experienced, not only You know, having to rely upon others, but allow them to in turn bless me by allowing them to step in and, you know, maybe do something that I would normally do, but, you know, there's blessing in that too. And so whether it's blessing in spending time with that person, or we, I guess we just did, um, a book study in my small group that talked a lot about how we need each other. Thank you And we oftentimes feel like by relying upon other people, um, we're, we're burdening them. But a lot of times those people Don't feel like we're a burden. So like, for example, like if I was to need help, I don't want to ask them because I feel like I'm going to burden them or I'm going to make them feel guilty that they have to help me. But if I would ask them, oftentimes they're more than happy to help or they want to help. And so, um, so there's blessing in the imperfection and having to remind myself that, you know, it's okay for it to not be perfect because. There might be a blessing in that.

Beth 1:16:08

Yeah. Uh, there's a movie called collateral beauty and you know, there's, there is beauty in the brokenness of life. You know, Christ himself was broken for us and there's so much beauty in that. And so I think ones, uh, type ones, you know, and this is for other types too, but one thing that really rejuvenates them is going out in nature. And I think part of the reason is that there is so much beauty in imperfection and yet it's perfect. It's perfectly imperfect, right? Um, like when you go for a hike, it's like the leaves are just kind of flowing everywhere, right? Like there's no like perfect way it's supposed to land or, you know, the flowers, you know, are popping up here, there and everywhere. And yet it's beautiful. And so I think once fine, great, Rest for their souls in nature. And I think that's one of the reasons why, because they know that it's perfectly imperfect. Um, and that's how we are, right? We're perfectly imperfect in Christ. And so, um, well, I hope that this, you know, has. Like just giving you some more insights about yourself and like some new direction or like, Hey, like when I'm experiencing this, you know, I can kind of know, um, I mean the rumble strip that crisis got me and I'm going to move in, in a healthier direction. Um, but I really appreciate you being with me and walking through the type one guide sheet.

Alyssa 1:17:30

Yeah, of course. Thanks again for doing it with me.

Beth 1:17:34

Wow. I am so thankful that Alyssa took the time to be with me today and to walk through a real live coaching session so you could experience it along with her as well. Well, I hope that you found it invigorating and exciting to see someone have these aha moments and to learn and to grow and to connect the dots for more growth. Well, if you would love to get your own Enneagram coach, we have amazing certified coaches at my Enneagram coach. com. But if you would like to be an Enneagram coach and expect. Experience the joy of watching others grow and thrive, then get our free mini course at your Enneagram coach. com forward slash mini course. Thank you guys so much for being with me on this journey of coaching the nine Enneagram types. I hope that you've thoroughly enjoyed it as much as I have, and I get to continue to do, but I hope that you've enjoyed it. I hope it's inspired you in your own journey and your own growth path. In our next series, we're going to talk about something really big that we're going to be releasing here soon. So next week, definitely show up for the big announcement until then. Remember that the Enneagram reveals your need for Jesus, not your need to work harder because it's the gospel that transforms us. We'll see you next

Intro & Outro for Alyssa Ramsey - Type 1 1:18:53

week.