Beth: 0:00

Hey everyone, this is Beth

Jeff: 0:01

and I'm Jeff,

Beth: 0:02

and this is your Enneagram coach, the podcast. And guess what? We're here with some really, really big announcements and we're so excited that we're here today. Finally. I know

Jeff: 0:11

everybody's excited because I'm back on the podcast. I know. That's,

Beth: 0:13

that's the big announcement. Jeff's back. Oh,

Jeff: 0:19

after a little hiatus.

Beth: 0:20

Yeah. How's your health, by the way? Oh, well thanks for asking Beth. Even though I know but everyone, everyone tells me like, they're like, well, how's he doing now? And I'm like, oh yeah, I, I'm not really good at like posting updates. So for those that don't know. Yes. Let me backtrack. So Jeff and I took a wonderful vacation down in Florida. It was

Jeff: 0:42

not a vacation. It was, well, it was a work vacation. Our friends were vacation.

Beth: 0:45

Yeah. And we, we crashed and we were

Jeff: 0:46

gonna work. We crashed it. We crashed it, we went down there to work. And it was wonderful. I don't know if you, any of you work from the beach, but, uh, I would recommend it,

Beth: 0:56

except for what happened, what happened. So then our friends were like, we were talking to them like, Hey, we need to like walk down the beach, my mother in law's, you know, about 50 yards down there and we need to get, you know, our stuff and go back to the place. I'm like, yeah, sure. We'll follow you. So we were walking on the beach, just 50 yards. I mean, it wasn't that far. I mean, it's not fun walking on really soft sand, you know, cause it's, It's just hard. But I look back when we're almost done and you and Kyle, our friend are stopped and you're literally

Jeff: 1:28

struggling. I'm on the struggle bus. You

Beth: 1:31

are like leaning over, like, as if you just sprinted 400 yard dash or something. So I was like, okay, that's weird. I mean, we went on for a couple of weeks where you sat down and you were like, I'm fine. Anyway. So we went on a couple of weeks and then that would

Jeff: 1:49

happen. sporadically, like it was unpredictable and it would just kind of happen where I'd kind of get gassed. So

Beth: 1:56

we went to, we

Jeff: 1:58

were going to go to a Nashville soccer game

Beth: 2:00

and it's up on a hill. So you were like, Hey, I know this is kind of weird, but would you mind just driving me up the hill? And I thought, I can, but that is weird because you're not that old and you've been an athlete your whole life. But I said, let me just, my

Jeff: 2:15

whole life,

Beth: 2:16

but you weren't true. Very true. Okay. So then I said, Hey, let me check your blood pressure. It was high.

Jeff: 2:26

It wasn't that high. It was high enough. Like, huh. Okay. Well, that's something.

Beth: 2:31

Well, the internet, Yeah. Yeah. told me over and over that we needed to go get seen. So we did.

Jeff: 2:35

We did. We went to Saturday,

Beth: 2:36

so we went to the ER, and it got really high.

Jeff: 2:40

Lo and behold, I have a very mild, mild heart attack in the

Beth: 2:46

ER. Yeah, and then a couple days later, they found out that you had three arteries.

Jeff: 2:51

Saturday, I end up under the knife. On Tuesday, to uh, have bypass surgery done.

Beth: 2:56

And here we are literally six months to the day, six months to the day, and your health is doing great. You walk three, three and a half miles most days, you've changed your eating. I mean, everything has changed. You're doing great, which obviously makes me super happy. So anyway, welcome back.

Jeff: 3:21

Thanks.

Beth: 3:23

So that is, that's one big announcement. That's one

Jeff: 3:25

announcement.

Beth: 3:26

You are doing great. Beth's husband almost

Jeff: 3:28

died and he's alive. And he's alive.

Beth: 3:29

He's doing great. Okay. So.

Jeff: 3:31

But we do have a really big announcement today. Which I think is a fun announcement.

Beth: 3:36

It is.

Jeff: 3:37

Uh, particularly dear to you. And it's something that's been on your heart for a long time. Long time. Uh, before YEC even began. Yep. This was something that you were hoping to create, um, as a young mom, getting interested in the Enneagram, young wife, and now we get to announce here it is.

Beth: 3:59

Yeah. So without further ado, on July 9th, my newest book, the Enneagram for Moms. And I'm so excited if you're watching this on YouTube, you'll see the book here. I love it.

Jeff: 4:14

Um, you're going to see it everywhere.

Beth: 4:16

Yep. Uh, so I'm really excited because yes, I remember I started using the Enneagram when Nate and Libby were three and one years old. And I just wanted a manual, like an instruction manual. Like how do I do this?

Jeff: 4:31

Particularly from your nine heart. Yeah. I mean, you were willing to do. How do I make people happy? Yeah. And yeah, how do you make them happy? It was such a burden to you.

Beth: 4:41

It was. And the Enneagram obviously does a great job helping us to understand ourselves really well. Um, but. I was learning so much throughout all those years and how to use the Enneagram as a mom and how to be curious about our kids, but also learning, can you, or can't you type your kids? Big question. Um, and what do you do with all of that? So it's been many years, so many years, in fact, that our daughter. I just had our first grandbaby two months ago. So it's been a hot minute since I've wanted to write this book, but it's also God's perfect timing in Libby having a child and how important it is for me to write the things that have been so helpful that I wish I had had back in the day into a book that all moms can access. Well,

Jeff: 5:36

I, one, I just want to affirm you, Beth, because, uh, Last year, I mean, for those of you who subscribe to our email list, um, you, you saw the email recently where Beth and I had had a conversation about how many days Beth spent in the hospital, not because she was sick, but because one of our family members were, and it was like 45 days in last year. But in the midst of your parents health failing and moving them here to Nashville from Kansas city, selling their home and moving all their stuff here, your husband, Uh, going under the knife, um, and your daughter getting pregnant and, uh, with our first grandchild, you also wrote a book and, uh, with two other partners in it, uh, Lydia Craig could not

Beth: 6:21

do it without Lydia Cray and John Driver and

Jeff: 6:23

John Driver. And so they have put together an incredible resource. So tell us what's in it. in the book. What are the big ideas in Enneagram for Moms?

Beth: 6:31

Well, it tells you exactly what to do as a mom. So you'll get it right every time. That's awesome. I wish. Um, I wish I had that ability. No. Um, no, it's, it's really, there's several things that we kind of talk about, but the biggest thing for the, for moms and dads, um, But is to understand their own developmental story. The more they can understand themselves, the PRS, the perspective they had with the story they were given and what that means to them in healthy and unhealthy ways is going to be one of the greatest gifts that they can give their children. Because when they are more aware of themselves and self organized and able to be more presently connected with. And others, the more that's going to help their children, but you can't fully get there if you don't understand yourself well. And so we wanted to unpack that for parents, but moms in particular in this book. Um, so that's kind of the big, big picture and, you know, on the front cover, um, the, what the, They'll see is a bunch of paint brushes with different colors of paint. And they're all kind of splattered around. And that really is to, there's several things of why I chose that was we are all different personality types and yet cohesively one as a family, right? So the colors mix and yet are also individual. And as a parent, how do I be myself authentically myself, genuine to who God created me to be, but also engage with my kids with who I am, but also curious as to who they are and to help them grow up, to be the healthiest version of who God created them to be. So that's a little bit of it, Jeff.

Jeff: 8:26

Yeah. So I've got a few notes here, but there's, there's a few things here that, uh, that I picked up that I love. Five different themes of the book. Number one, saying goodbye to super mom. I mean, it, um, All moms have them. They're the mixture of all kinds of great moms in your life. They're superhuman. And we're going to say goodbye to her, uh, because God didn't make a mistake. As one professor once told me, God doesn't make junk and he doesn't junk what he's made.

Beth: 8:55

Yeah. Well, that's that particular part of the book came from when you were in seminary. Of course we were in seminary because I was there with you, but you were taking the classes and Nate and Libby were, you know, three and one years old around that time. And we lived on campus at the seminary. And so there was lots of moms with little kiddos at the playground. So we'd all go out to the playground, hang out. And I always saw all of these moms. They were so amazing. I would look at this one mom and she's so creative and this other mom is so patient and this other mom, you know, is really good at teaching her kids and being creative, you know, or, um, spontaneous. And I would just kind of bring all of these women's great qualities together and make this big super woman of who I wish I was. And so of course, then that makes me feel inadequate, not good enough. Um, and so I'd come home and I'd share all my woes, you know, and you were like, Oh, Beth, that woman doesn't exist. And in my mind, I'm like, yes, she does. Like I can see her right now in my head. And you're like, you've literally built and compiled together all of these incredible qualities into one superwoman that doesn't exist. Cause all of those moms out on the playground, yes,

Jeff: 10:10

they're amazing.

Beth: 10:11

They're, they're showing their best, but behind closed doors, they're struggling, they're suffering. And you're not seeing that. And it was like, You're right. But that was the first aha moment that I was creating something that wasn't actually there. And that was really a beginning part. I remember, um, a counselor once saying to me, Beth, when you compare either you're pushing people up like, Oh my gosh, there's so much better than me. Or you're pushing them down. Like I'm so much better than them. Either. I

Jeff: 10:42

can't imagine you ever saying that. Either,

Beth: 10:45

either way, you're pushing them out of your life.

Jeff: 10:49

Yeah.

Beth: 10:50

And then you're alone. And I think moms feel alone most of the time, and they're not sure why. And they try to have relationships, but there's always something missing. And a lot of it is because they've created the super mom and they're comparing.

Jeff: 11:05

So another big theme of the book is seeing your unique value as a mom.

Beth: 11:09

Yes, God created us moms to be uniquely us to the kiddos he gave us. Oftentimes we're always, as moms trying to become something else and different as if there's something flawed and wrong with us. And that could be because society is saying it it's maybe because our parents or coaches or teachers said, don't be like that. Be like this. But then we read mom books. We listened to pastors, teachers, you name it. And they're like, you need to follow this method. This way, while we realize that we're always falling short somehow. And so we think we're defective and flawed and that we have to become something ultimately different. And what we're proposing in this book is that God created you to be you, but at the healthiest version of who you are. And when you're at that healthiest place as a mom with your personality type, you reflect God in really beautiful ways. So as a type nine, God has given me the ability to have a sense of calmness, to, um, be supportive, to be accepting of our kids, to think through how to be empathetic and thoughtful. Those are really great qualities. But those aren't all of the great qualities in the world. And so I need to capitalize on those great qualities and give those to my kids, but also understand that type eight moms have incredible qualities as well, but very different. They're assertive. They're bold. They're going to protect their kids. Um, no problem at all. They can say things directly and, and that I can really, um, encourage them in, I can affirm them in that, but I also shouldn't compare myself to them. And that doesn't mean I can't learn from them and incorporate some of those parts of the Enneagram. I

Jeff: 13:02

remember even in your Enneagram training, um, that was one of the things of the types that are connected to you, sort of speaking life or, um, Like how to, how to deal with the situation. And so you have an innate wing there. There's something about part of you that wants to be like an eight.

Beth: 13:18

Exactly. And I can learn from the healthier places of the eight that I can be bold. I can be assertive. Now I'm going to do it from a very nine ish style, but that's beautiful too. And that's again, why we have the paint colors kind of mixed together because we are. More, which goes to our last book, more than just our main type. We have, we have our main type and then we have our wings and we have the lines we're connected to and those all play a part healthy and unhealthy within us. And it's good for us to accept that and recognize that and how does, how God created us benefit our kid and to live that out. Now, saying that also, we are on this side of heaven. And so we do have weaknesses and liabilities within our type and the types that are connected to us. And we do need to be aware of that, not in a place to bring more condemnation and shame and judgment on ourselves. It's to be aware so that we can apologize, reconcile and restore relationships within ourselves and others, and then to continue the path of growth and to restore.

Jeff: 14:21

So the next big theme is not just Uh, getting away from super mom and understanding your own unique value, but it's also now that understanding yourself, you're able to extend something to your children and welcoming their unique value.

Beth: 14:34

Yeah. Yeah. So again, going back to the cover of the book and the paint. So when we have our children, we think this is great. I am going to shape this awesome child, the perfect child of all children into the likeness of my own, because I know what's best for them. Right. And so each of the nine types want to instill in their kids, very certain qualities. And it has to do with their main type and their perspective of life. Now, part of that's good because God created us to be their parents, but then there's another part that is not being mindful of who God created them to be. So what happens is it's kind of like, if you go into Sherman Williams and you are like, like, for instance, on our logo, uh, type nines are purple. I'm going to make my child into a perfect color because they're going to be peaceful and kind and thoughtful. And they're going to see everyone's perspective and be empathetic. And I'm going to, you know, be the greatest demonstration of this. And they're going to follow me. So basically I'm trying to create purple in this can of base white paint. Well, what I don't realize is it's not. Just white paint in there when my child is born, there's actually their true colors at the bottom. So, you know, when you go and you pick a color and you watch them mix it, this all different colors, you know, go in a whole, uh, just a perfect mixture of every color that that's needed, but it settles at the bottom. And then they have to shake it up. Right. So if you were to open the can before it is shooken up, it just looks like a can of white paint. Yeah. When our kids come to us, that's kind of how it, it is. It's like, you don't know their type. They don't know their type. They're just infants. And as they grow, they're learning, they're, they're looking at other people, their coaches, their teachers, you, um, family, friends, et cetera. And they're bringing in a lot of information, but they already have. The lens through which they see from their main Enneagram type. So as a little baby, I was seeing the world through that purple type nine lens. And I incorporated, um, why I did what I did, how I thought, how I felt based off of being a peaceful accommodator. But we also are being influenced by our parents. So it's, it's nurture and nature, right? But what a parent is trying to do is like, Oh, wait, I'm seeing a little bit of blue come out. No, you have to. And then trying to shake it up and trying to get that purple for me to get that purple in the kid. Like, you're not going to be blue. You're going to be purple.

Jeff: 17:12

And what that might look like. And you know, it, it. Avoiding, uh, childhood situations that maybe were hurtful or harmful to you, things your parents did to you and how you perceive them, making sure you're trying to correct that. I, it shows up in a variety of different ways. Even like we, we coach our children according to our type about how to engage in the world. So it's, it's very understandable and it, in some sense, it can be very redemptive. As we find out in our twenties that it takes quite a bit of energy to get out of the atmosphere of our parents, and sometimes we even type ourselves according to those parent types, because that's how we've been trained. And, uh, yeah, so we don't want

Beth: 17:52

to diminish the fact that God created me as a nine to instill some really great qualities of the nineness into my kids. But if I'm trying to make them into a nine, then I'm not fully seeing the uniqueness or being curious of the uniqueness of who they are. And that's the biggest word I would say as parents is to be curious. Um, yeah, I'm sorry you were going to say,

Jeff: 18:15

well, Oh, I was going to mention a story. Uh, our son, Nate, um, was going to buy some speakers, some Sonos speakers, uh, cause I had gotten some and he, uh, It's like, yeah, I can't, I don't know if I want to get them or not. I'm like, why not? You've got the money. Go do it. He goes, I can't. I'm like, why is that? And he goes, well, because I've got you in my head. So even when at our best, um, we have an impact on our children that, uh, they're, they're going to have to deal with. Um, yeah. Well, the other thing too, that's a great about the book is that, um, you deal with seeking relational connection versus behavioral control.

Beth: 18:52

Yeah. And this kind of goes back to what we were just talking about. So as. a type nine parent, I'm going to want them to be little angels, quiet, pleasant, um, not chaotic, not super hyper. I mean,

Jeff: 19:07

are you just saying that I, all of those weeks on Sunday morning, trying to keep Nate and Libby quiet whenever they drew or colored. It was a big deal to you for them to be quiet. It

Beth: 19:20

was. Yeah. And that, and that plays into. And I

Jeff: 19:22

didn't care. My

Beth: 19:24

three, right. Well, that plays a part into my three type, you know, like the image part and the nine part wanting everyone to be happy and not bothered. And then the one part of my heart that wing is like, well, the right thing is that they're quiet and they sit still, you know? So there's all of these parts playing inside me and the six part, the six parts like, Yeah. But what, what, what are other people thinking? Well, the other

Jeff: 19:47

six part that's in your head is your mom. Cause that's how you were.

Beth: 19:51

Oh yeah. And my dad though, he's a seven, but yeah, he, he, that oneness came out at church. He wanted us to be quiet. And if we drew, he could not hear the pencil. You know, if he heard the pencil, like scraping on the paper, that was not okay. Um, so all that to be said is that we do tend to focus on behaviors that Annoy us, bother us. We think are wrong based on our personalities perspective. Like for example, it would be really hard for me if I had a type eight child to not want to try to make them calm down, not be assertive, not so blunt, not so strong, not so brave. Right. Um, Because those are things that I would fear that other people would see as brash or mean or all these things. But from the lens of the Enneagram, I get to be curious. And one thing that you taught me, and this is early on when Nate was two years old, and I'll let you share the story, but I had to do when he bowed up and said no. And what you did, and I'll, I'll have you share the story, but you

Jeff: 20:59

know how old he was too.

Beth: 21:00

Yes. Or two and a half, three, I don't know. Somewhere in that range. And he was

Jeff: 21:03

young. Yeah.

Beth: 21:05

You remained curious? and affirming while also training and caring for him. So anyway, go share that story.

Jeff: 21:15

Well, this also speaks, I think, to the, the last big contribution of the book, which is focusing on strengths versus a negativity bias. Right. And, uh, so in this particular situation, um, Nate had done something, uh, and I don't remember what he did the occasion of it was, but, um, I said, Nate, you need to go to your room. And this little guy just bowed up his chest and said no. Well, at that time, um, And it was

Beth: 21:43

interesting because it wasn't, it was like this assertive.

Jeff: 21:47

Yeah. And, and, I mean, that's definitely shown up in, as he's become more of a manly young adult. Um, but at the time it was very uncharacteristic and a little surprising. But at the same time that this was happening culturally, there was some, um, a, uh, a company called Enron where they, there's a huge scandal, they've been lying about stuff. And we were talking and I realized in that moment, like it. A no can mean a lot of different things. I want my son to have a strong no.

Beth: 22:17

When it's appropriate. Yeah.

Jeff: 22:18

And then I thought, but like, this isn't the right time. That's what I ended up communicating. I'm like, Nate, there'll be a time where you'll need to say no. And, but. Right now is not the time to use that. No, you need to go to your room. Yeah, and But I mean just think about that as a I could have perceived it were I not confident enough in my own sense of personhood in my own dignity and respect and if i'm looking for my two year old child to Demonstrate how respectful I am to measure my respectfulness based upon how he treats me. Yeah I would have been, I could have just gotten really angry. Don't disrespect me. Go to your room. You're going to be punished for this. You're going to be disciplined for this. Versus, no, like, I, I'm secure, I'm okay. And I can allow my son to express himself and to learn about how, what it's like to express himself.

Beth: 23:10

And to learn the consequences. And to

Jeff: 23:11

learn the consequences of it.

Beth: 23:13

Right.

Jeff: 23:13

And simply give him direction in that moment, which is the idea of focusing on strength. That knows it's going to be very powerful one day. And it did show up to be powerful in his life.

Beth: 23:22

Yeah. And I think it's really important that, you know, we, I just, the word curiosity, I think is, is the word that we just really need to hang on to as parents, even now that our kids are grown, you know, there are so many times that they will do things, even now that I'm like. Man, I wouldn't have done that. But if I remain curious and ask them questions, it's like, Oh, oh yeah. Okay. That makes more sense coming from your perspective, the way you see things, the way you would do things and having conversations around that ability to be curious and sober minded to be, um, non anxious, but connected. I think those are the things that are really important. And, and probably the biggest thing is kids just want to know that you're attuning to them and you can't really attune to them. If all you are is really attuning to yourself and only what you

Jeff: 24:16

want,

Beth: 24:17

which is just what you were saying.

Jeff: 24:18

after a call, there's like 12 or more topics in the back specific to each type. Like a quick reference guide that you can immediately go to, to find out about your type and where you're at and then the levels of health, what it, what it would look like to, uh, access some of the more virtuous sides, the strength sides of your parenting style. There's a lot of great things in the back of the book and you've included it again, which that's going to be the greatest hits. Those, those will be the pages that will be well worn out. Well, uh, that's fantastic. So the book is amazing and you want to find out about the We've got tons of bonuses for you if you preorder the book. Head over to Enneagram4Moms. com Enneagram for Moms. You'll see a link there. Get all your pre orders. There's tons of awesome gifts there You're also we've created something. I'm not sure it exists anywhere else. Maybe it does I've not seen it, but it's the parenting style assessment.

Beth: 25:16

Yep So, you know people that can if you're like, what is my parenting style? Well Go to integrantpromoms. com and you'll see the button clearly right there for parenting style quiz and You know, I think there's just nine statements and you you know, you pick You know which statement is true for you and you will quickly see what your parenting style is and then we'll give you results and Lots of other fun stuff will come down the road.

Jeff: 25:43

Yeah, fantastic Well, so in addition to the book though, so the podcast for the parents Summer months are going to be related to you coaching any of your grandmoms.

Beth: 25:53

Yeah. So starting next week in the next episode, I am going to be with three type nine moms. And really it's not so much coaching. I mean, I do bring insights, but it's really just having moms share with one another and with y'all. What it's like to be a type nine mom or type one, two, and so on and so forth. And so I wanted to do this because moms typically feel alone and especially alone in their struggles and their shame, their guilt. Am I good enough? And they don't know if anyone else sees them or understands them. And so here I bring these moms together and we talk about their strengths, but also where they're struggling and the things that they may not typically talk with other people about. And so it's the safe place for. Them to share, but also for our listeners to get to here so that moms that are type nines go, Oh my gosh, someone gets me like I am understood. I feel validated. Um, a type eight mom can be like, wow, I've never seen it that way before. In fact, we were with a dear friend of ours. Who's a type eight. And we were at a restaurant talking to another mom. Who's a type eight, just randomly. We'd never met her before, but she knew the Enneagram really well. She had come up to us. And she was talking about what it was like to be a mom early on, and she said, I had so much shame because my entire adult life, I was always in control. And I thought I would be in control when it came to my children, but that little infant. Threw me for a loop because you're not always in control. You don't know what's going on. And she said she felt so much shame by being out of control, not knowing what's going on, not having the strength and the stamina to go on. And our friend. Her eyes were so wide open. She's like, no one has ever said what I felt when I had my kids and you could see the, her feelings so validated and understood. And so we want that, uh, throughout the summer. So the next nine weeks we'll start with nine, then go to one, two, and so on and so forth. Um, so we start with my type first. Um, for moms to hear what it's like to be a mom.

Jeff: 28:12

So we got the book, got the podcast, which is awesome. But there's a very big invitation that we want to extend to all the moms out there. Yeah. And that is a special opportunity. That's right. That's very special opportunity, um, to really dive in to discover the mom you were created to be.

Beth: 28:31

So this summer we have Enneagram for Mom cohorts. They're going to be nine cohorts, one for each Enneagram type. There'll be a set in the morning and a set in the evening. What's great about this is that this is going to be that safe place where moms can come together of the same Enneagram type and to be heard, to be seen, to be validated, to not be alone anymore, and to not feel so stuck. They can come with their woes, their triumphs and everything in between. Plus they're going to be guided by a certified Enneagram parenting coach that we've trained. One of them is me. Um, Where they're going to guide the cohort in a conversation together, but it's not that the, it's not just a teaching time. This is a time to really talk together, to be heard and understood, to be guided, to be cheered on, um, and everything in between. There'll be a Facebook group where they can talk, um, during the week, but these cohorts are eight weeks long. They will start the week of June 10th and go all the way through June 29th that week. So there's only 25 spots per group and the registration opens May 6th and closes May 13th, which is a great Mother's Day gift, whether for yourself, because let's be honest, this gift is not just for you. This gift is for your family, right? Because when you are well cared for, your family is well cared for. So we wanted this to be a great space for people to buy it for themselves for Mother's Day, for their friend, their daughter, their, maybe their mom, maybe you're a teenager and you're like, Oh my gosh, this would be great for my mom. I'm going to have her get it for herself. This is just the perfect opportunity for moms to not journey alone anymore.

Jeff: 30:24

Well, you can find out more about the Enneagram for Moms book and the cohorts, all the things with the podcast. Go to enneagram for moms.com. Anything last things that you wanna say?

Beth: 30:34

Well, I am so excited for you all to jump into the cohorts because you are gonna experience what I've been experiencing talking with these moms. Starting next week, you will hear what it's like when moms of the same type come together. It is really a beautiful thing. So go to any Grand pro moms.com. May 6th to the 13th, definitely get your spot as soon as possible because once they're gone, they're gone. But anyway, thank you guys so much for being here today, celebrating with us the new book Enneagram for Moms and all the things that we are putting together for you. We are excited.