Beth: 0:00

Hey everyone. Welcome to your Enneagram coach, the podcast. I'm Beth McChord, your Enneagram coach. And guess what? We've been going through a series and understanding the nine types of moms. And in this week, we get to explore the world of type six moms. So today you're going to hear from two type six moms about their everyday life circumstances and why they think, feel, and behave in their particular ways. Now this goes along with my new book that's coming out July 9th called Enneagram for Moms. And I hope that you guys pre-order it, not because it's really a good, a great book, but because if you pre-order it, you get a lot amazing goodies. Um, so I highly recommend going to enneagram for moms.com. Uh, there's plenty of places to order from off that, um, website, but then get your bonus goodies from that same webpage today. It's going to be so fun because we're going to really get to know the type six moms. My mom is a type six mom and God has designed these women to be incredible encouragers, safety nets, uh, thinking and planning, uh, for their family, ensuring that all goes well. There are some hindrances to it as well, and we will explore that with them. I hope that you will see what I've experienced as a daughter of a type six mom, how incredible they can be. So without a further of a do, I want to introduce to you the two type sixes on our podcast today. All right. Hey guys. So good to have you with me. Um, can you guys introduce yourselves and like your type or you're from, um, how many kiddos you have, how long you've been on the Enneagram and what you do for a living. If you want.

Lydia: 1:54

I'm Lydia and I am a type six. Obviously. Um, I have three kids, so 10, eight and 13. So I have a teenager, um, I write for a living. I work for Beth and I also do some real estate on the side. Um, and I, yeah, that's about it.

Beth: 2:17

Yeah. So Lydia wrote, uh, any ramp or moms with me along with John driver and Lydia literally is best voice behind best voice. So you've been writing with, and for me for, I don't even know, is it six years now

Lydia: 2:36

Yeah. It's four on staff, but I think there was like a year before that, that I was doing some part time stuff for you. Yeah.

Beth: 2:43

it's just been so fun and so nice to have someone dial in on my voice, but not just my voice, Lydia. I think what I've really enjoyed is that you. You know, really how I think, like whether you agree with my Enneagram, uh, take on things, you insert the way I think. And I just have always so appreciate that. And what's the best about you is that when you. You're like, Hey, I'm done. Here it is. I literally like never have to do anything to it. It's like perfect. So I have so enjoyed working with Lydia. And so when you guys read, um, the any grandpa, mom's book, the majority of the back half of the book is a combination of her and me, but a lot of her bringing in the stuff that we've done together over the years. So just wanted to throw that in there. Just how amazing you are and love having you on my team. Okay. So, and then yes, I can't believe your kids are that old because I've known you since you were pregnant with Fox, your youngest. So it's just like crazy. Um, okay. Elizabeth, tell us about you.

Elizabeth: 3:51

I am type six, Elizabeth. Um, my kids are four and a half, my daughter is four and a half, and my son is one and a half. And I have known the Enneagram since I was pregnant with her. So that was 2019. Um, and mistyped as a one for at least a year. And then I think through diving in the YEC materials, finally realized like I was a six and I, I, I thought everybody was a six. That was the, that was like, I was like, I can't possibly be a six because everybody is like this. Why is this even an option? Um, and then I realized, oh, that's, that's how it works.

Beth: 4:35

Yeah.

Elizabeth: 4:36

Yeah.

Beth: 4:36

And. And I met you when you were going through BEC the first time becoming an Enneagram coach course. And that's when, did you, you just had your first, right? Like, I mean, she was like, I think I remember her like in the support track, like as an infant with you. Is that right?

Elizabeth: 4:55

yeah, she, well, we did a cohort, a coaching cohort first. So yeah, she was like six months old when I did that coaching cohort. And then I did BEC right after that. So I think she was about a, she was about a year when I was certified. And, but yeah, she joined the support track very often.

Beth: 5:13

I do remember that the type six cohort of not moms was just type six is I think they were all women though in the type six group. But yeah, that was so fun. And then you ventured into becoming an Enneagram coach, which helped you replace your teacher's income. Now you've got two kids. And so it's a little much to do all of that. So you've taken on a side job, you know, Just so that your brain can. That's the little bit, but, um, I know that that's been a really fun adventure for you to be an Enneagram coach and doing other, I know you have other things in the, in the works for the future. So that will be exciting too. Okay. So I'm really excited to talk to you guys because my mom. My sweet, sweet mom is a type six. Now she's one of the most phobic sixes I've ever met. Um, but a six nonetheless to the point where my husband, I was like, yeah, this is early on, like in the early two thousands, I was like, yeah, I think you're a type six and he's like, but wait, no, your mom's a six. There's no way I'm a sex, like we're like the complete opposite. Now, under the hood, the core motivations were the same, but he went off thinking he was a type eight for five years because of how different they really are. presented as sixes, which is so interesting with the Enneagram. Um, but with that being said, I am really curious as to what the perspective is like being a type six mom. Um, I know with my mom having the intercommittee and constantly thinking through all the scenarios, which has gotta be exhausting. And also amazingly wonderful. I know that my mom protected me from a lot of things that could have happened, um, because she was so mindful of what, like how to keep me safe and all that stuff. So I want to start first in kind of hearing from you guys, what. What do you enjoy the most about being a type six as a mom? Like, what things do you know that you are giving to your children that you are so thankful that you have those, like, traits, those thoughts, those processes that you go through? So Lydia, why don't we start with you?

Lydia: 7:21

Yeah. I like that I can provide stability and I guess, and when I was growing up, I felt like, uh, Uncertain walking into situations. I often felt uncertain and I didn't know what was expected of me. And I was, it was kind of learning by trial and error and watching peers and things like that. And I like that as a six having experienced that, like I can prepare my kids for each situation that they're walking into and maybe over prepare them, but give them different scenarios so that they don't have to have that fear of what's coming next.

Beth: 7:59

Yeah.

Lydia: 8:00

Yeah, so I like, I like that I can provide that for my kids.

Beth: 8:03

Mm hmm. Elizabeth, what about you? Okay.

Elizabeth: 8:15

Um, so if we're doing something, it's because this is the one that we need to do. This is good for them. And, um, that for the most part, we've, I think my, my daughter's enjoyed everything. I think the one thing we didn't like, she didn't like was, uh, sports camp at church. Cause there were just way more kids than we expected. And I didn't, that was one thing I didn't know and didn't account for. And so, but she's still in the end had fun. And, um, she like just questions. I, Suzanne Stabile said once that like questions are the superpower of the six. And that meant a lot to me. And so now it's like, it's tiresome when she asks so many questions, but I value the questions more than I felt. I think questions were valued when I was growing up.

Beth: 9:06

yeah, that's actually such a good thing that you just said, because, you know, we do the very things that we wish people would do for us or with us. And six is, yeah, definitely ask a lot of questions. And it is a superpower. But I, I can see how. Growing up, not all the adults appreciated all the questions. And so is that true for you guys growing up?

Lydia: 9:32

Yeah, I didn't even think to ask them, honestly. I just kept them all inside. So I was just questioning myself constantly.

Beth: 9:40

Okay. So kind of just even creating that self doubt from a very kind of young age. Yeah. Which then inferred a lot of that, the stuff you were saying earlier, like you didn't want your kids to have to, to go through that. Wow. What about you, Elizabeth? Did, was that kind of like, you kind of felt like people weren't willing to. Listen to all the questions or answer all the questions.

Elizabeth: 10:04

Oh, yes. Um, I, and the same thing. It's like I learned over time, just don't ask them and they turned inward and not, and I wonder if that's where like the sixes inner committee comes from is just being discouraged from asking so many questions. Um, I still remember, I mean, it was in like ninth grade. I had an algebra teacher who put me in the back corner of the class because I would, I asked so many questions. And I was like, I just want to learn math. So, um, so that like,

Beth: 10:36

So sad.

Elizabeth: 10:37

it's hard. Yeah.

Beth: 10:39

Yeah. Wow. That is so sad. Um, well, and I can, you know, as, as an adult and as a mom, it's interesting'cause I, I'll have to ask Nate this,'cause I have a type six son and my husband's a six and my mom's a six. I've got six of them all around me, but I have to ask him that question. Like, did he feel that he couldn't ask questions or he had to stop at a certain point? And frankly, I'll just kind of probably say, yeah, it's probably true being a type nine and not kind of wanting to be bothered so much. I probably can envision myself though. I can't think of it off the top of my head, envision myself just kind of be like, okay, like. Um, and so like, I think that, you know, So we're just like, let's, let's move on. Or like, let's just be calm and chill and like, not worry about it. So, which, you know, if that's true, if he did feel like that, I'd love to. You know, mend that whether he thinks it needs to be mended or not, but like, Hey, I'm really sorry that, you know, you, you felt like you couldn't ask questions, because that is a superpower of yours. What would that be like if the adults in your life actually tried to mend that with you and to reflect back that you that is a superpower. What would that feel like now as an adult?

Lydia: 11:51

It's hard. I don't know. That's a hard question. Cause it's hard to look back on your childhood and see it differently than what it was. Um, it would be validate. I think that there is some validation in the fact that like my parents now will say, Oh, you're so good at planning this and that. And like, when we go to Disney, I plant the whole thing like morning, tonight. And so I think there is validation and like my research skills and my ability to make sure everybody's taken care of and we get where we need to go. But yeah, it's hard to think back as a child and see what that would be like.

Beth: 12:28

Yeah. Yeah. Elizabeth, what about you?

Elizabeth: 12:32

I think it would, it would just be odd. It's like, cause I think at this point it's so, I just come to expect it from other people that they just, people have a limit to questions. And so if you start asking too many, they get really tired of it. Um, and it would be, yeah, it'd be nice to have my parents or teachers like say that, but I don't, I don't feel like I need it anymore. It's, it's, uh, at this point it's just an understanding of everybody has their limit and I. I can work within that now. Sometimes.

Beth: 13:06

Um, so then curious question. Do you guys get bothered or annoyed or shut down when other people ask a ton of questions?

Lydia: 13:17

Yes.

Elizabeth: 13:18

Yeah. Sometimes. Like, I think, I think my limit is bigger, but again, everybody has their limit of questions. So yeah.

Beth: 13:26

Yeah. Lydia, would you say the same?

Lydia: 13:28

all day. Like,

Beth: 13:30

Uh huh.

Lydia: 13:30

all day, so I, I can't say that I have the capacity for all those questions, um, but, like, when my, my girls are older, so some of the things they're walking into are, you know, more serious situations, so I have the capacity for those types of questions.

Beth: 13:45

yeah. yeah. Which totally makes sense. But I, you know, I think it is curious, you know, like we all, I think, have that superpower. Like I'm going to be a lot more, um, empathetic for a lot longer period of time and more accommodating than most people, which is a positive and a negative, right? Like it's not just a positive. Um, anyway, okay. So on that, let's talk about some of the things that you've noticed being a type six mom that maybe aren't the greatest of qualities or weaknesses that you, you can see, or that you're either currently working on, or you would like to be working on that, you know, impact your family. So Lydia, or whoever wants to go first, whoever's ready.

Elizabeth: 14:30

Um, wishy washy. Discipline has always been hard for me because I can see like, this option isn't working. Let's try something else. And it's like, Oh no, it would have worked just fine if we'd kept going, but instead I like flip flop. Um, so that, that holding to consistency is something I've really had to focus on training myself into.

Beth: 14:54

Okay. Yeah. That's interesting. Yeah. I'm trying to think of, it's funny cause I'm trying to think of my mom and I'd never felt that, but that doesn't mean she didn't feel that, you know? Um, but yeah, that's interesting. Okay. Lydia, what about you?

Lydia: 15:11

Um, I would say being present, because I'm constantly thinking of the next thing, and what I need to plan for, and, um, Like even months ahead with the kids schedules and it's hard for me to just turn my brain off and relax and be present in the moment and not concerned about what's next. Which sounds very seven, but it's not like fun stuff necessarily. It's like all the responsibility is a parenting.

Beth: 15:39

Yeah. And yeah, that, that's a huge difference because sevens are thinking about the next best thing and sixes are thinking or preparing for what's coming. So different. And that's what I love about the Enneagram is like, and what you have to be very careful of, cause you'll hear people say certain phrases and you want to be like, Oh, they must be this type, you know? And it's like, well, you gotta like go a little bit further. You gotta, you know, Got to take it now. I'm not saying this to you guys, cause I know you know it, but for those that are listening, you have to kind of peel back the why to what they're doing. Cause I think ahead and plan a lot. I think I was coached a lot by my mom, but I do it based off of preparing. Preparing the relationships, um, like making sure that there isn't conflict or tension of any, any sorts. So mine is, is geared towards the type nine stuff, but I was trained, I think really well by my mom to be prepared, which is a, which is a good thing too. It helps to have, um, good relationships. It helps me to be thoughtful and mindful of what could be happening, all that kind of stuff. So, um, okay. So let me

Lydia: 16:50

hear. That's good to hear because I want my kids to have some element of preparedness, no matter what their type is. Like, I hope that they pick some of that up a little bit of

Beth: 17:00

I I can totally prepare like going to Disney. I know exactly what to do. Like I know the importance of preparing. I mean, it's. It's almost maybe a bit much, but it saves us a lot of heartache and headache. And so I, so I do thank my mom for that. The other thing that my mom did, um, and this goes to what you were saying earlier, Lydia is, um, my mom always. Did what she said she was going to do. Like I could always rely on her. She was always faithful and loyal and committed and dutiful to follow through. Whereas for me, I can be sometimes flatty. I literally have to make every conscious effort to maybe write things down because I want to model what my mom did, but my natural self just wants to be like, yeah, sure, I'll do that. And then my brain kind of. Checks out, numbs out, does something else. And I'm like, no, but I really appreciated knowing that if my mom said she was going to pick me up at a certain time, I knew I could rely on that to actually happen. And I know that kind of back, went back to her story. Her mom would, wouldn't show up for like 20 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour. And that was back when there was no cell phones or anything. It was like, am I going to get picked up? Like what's going to happen? And so she wanted to make sure that I didn't. So it's a lot like what you were saying, Lydia, um, but that was the one thing when I think of my mom, I think about reliability, responsibility, making sure I felt safe and secure. And, and I can't say that, I mean, obviously that my parents made sure I was safe and secure, like where we lived and all that kind of stuff, but it was beyond that. But it was, um, Making sure that what, like going to camp, like that it was a good camp. It was a safe camp. I knew that if I was going to go somewhere that it was well vetted. Now, of course, if I didn't know the Enneagram back then, I just knew that that was my mom's character. That's what I experienced from her. Now my dad's a type seven, so he was like, it's going to be great. It's going to be fun. So had it all been left up just to my dad, I probably wouldn't felt maybe as Safe. Unless I could see that he did, did due diligence, but sometimes he just thinks everything's going to be great and fine. Whereas my mom's like, let's double check. So with her kind of in the, in the relationship dynamic, I knew that I could trust her. Um, so those are some of the things that I loved about my mom and really admired. One thing I did pick up though, is worry. And being anxious and like, but what, what, what if, but what if, um, now the flip side of that is making sure that things are accounted for. And I've thought through all the things, but it also can cause the anxiety. So I'd love to hear from you guys, um, what it's like to be a type six mom with the inner committee, because. It has got to be really hard, especially in our day and age with so many things coming at you and your kids. Uh, so many pitfalls, uh, dangers. What is it like to be a type six mom thinking through all the things that could happen?

Lydia: 20:23

I can go first. Um, so I was more anxious as a young mom with young kids. Um, And my first was really easy. So she was really introverted. She's the 13 year old who's typed herself as a five. We'll see if it sticks, but she was happy to stay inside and to not do a lot of activities. And she would go up to her room at 18 months and read her books while I made dinner. She would crawl up the stairs and read for like an hour. So I thought I was a great parent and I thought it was easy and it was, you know, and then number two comes along and she is so social and daredevil. Just doing things on purpose just to get, see if she can get a reaction and I had to Like for, like we were forced to go out into the world Because of her because that's what she wanted and so I did have to like face a lot of different fears But I think that's where my type 5 wing comes in because I do like statistics So I kind of relied on, okay, like how dangerous is the world really? You know, I mean, we're living in one of the safest times in history where, where we live. Um, and you know, what's the chance of these worst case scenarios actually happening? And that helps like, Bring down my anxiety because I know that the flip side is if I don't let them go out in the world and explore and trust themselves, that that's going to have more damage and more likely to have damage than these random occurrences that are not likely to happen at all. So that's, I just try to swallow it. I try to swallow some of those fears and just rely on the fact that it's probably not going to happen. And it's good for them to learn, to trust themselves.

Beth: 22:12

Yeah, well, and I would say, Elizabeth, I totally want to hear what you have to say, but I will say just being a daughter of a six, yes, there can be a point where it's too much worrying. And. It infiltrates me to then start worrying at the same time, it helped me to also be mindful of things that I may not typically have been mindful of, not just because I'm a type nine and type nines typically are like, yeah, things are going to be fine and great or whatever. I'm just going to go with the flow, but that could be dangerous. And so having my mom also model the what ifs and to be prepared or think through things. He is really helpful and I will say when I was eight years old and I lived in a really safe community, I almost got kidnapped and that really woke me up. Thankfully, my friend and I were together and he bolted and I was like, wait, so I started bolting, but had I been left up to my own as a type nine, I might have accommodated to the, this adult, you know, saying for us to come to him. You know, since then I have been much more vigilant in my safety and also taking on some of my mom's vigilance, but I think also in a very healthy way, not just trusting people when I shouldn't trust people. So, I mean, sad event, but also positive outcomes. And so I think, and you guys would agree with this, but I just want moms out there to realize that you're. What you might at times think is your greatest weakness is also your greatest strength. And you will be able to teach your kids some incredible qualities off of some of the things that can also be a hindrance. So anyway, I just wanted to kind of throw that in there, but Elizabeth, what about you? What's it like to have that constant, what if in the anxiety as a mom, how do you deal with that?

Elizabeth: 24:08

it makes me assess all the consequences. Like I, I'm a social subtype and, um, So it actually, like, it's, it's far less to self preserving, um, of like the immediate physical danger. Like, I honestly, I, I frequently forget the sunscreen and the bug spray and then we get to the park and I'm like, We're getting eaten by mosquitoes and we're all gonna get a sunburn. Um, I don't know why I forget that part. I just do. And, but the, as far as like the, the, the That larger, like, we're going out into the world and what's going to happen next, like, those, I'm always assessing those consequences and, and it's not, um, I don't know, it's less fear, I'm not as afraid of just going out into the world. I'm afraid of what would happen if we didn't, um, Because exactly what you were saying, Lydia, is I want my kids to be confident in themselves. I want them to be feel that they're capable. And I, and I know that if we stay, like, if we just stay in our own little family bubble, like they won't feel that. And, and my kids were opposite. The oldest is my, um, exuberant, uh, definitely in the assertive stance, kiddo. And so we, like, there was, I would drop her off at the church. It took a while, but like after a month of church nursery, she was totally fine. And then she would go and do anything anywhere with anybody. Um, as long as it wasn't noisy, she didn't like noise, but that, yeah, it's the, and I mean, the number of times that I say the word safe in our day is a little bit astounding. Like my, my daughter will say the same thing. Oh, is that just not safe?

Beth: 25:56

Yep.

Elizabeth: 25:56

right. It's not, it's not safe. Um, but there, there are a lot of things where I, I, I, some of the counterphobic I think comes out in like, we go to the playground and I'm not the parent guarding my kids because I want them to learn that they can climb and that if they fall down, they'll be okay. Um, and we're, I don't know, we just do things a little bit differently than some parents. So I do find I have to stay off of Instagram. I can't get on Instagram. That's not an option.

Beth: 26:29

Yeah. Yeah. Um, okay. So with that, one thing I remember from my parents was I tried a ton of things and in a good way, like I tried ballet and tap dance, which if you know me, that's really kind of funny. I was very much more of a tomboy, love sports, hanging out, you know, playing soccer. Um, Yeah. All the things. And so it was kind of funny, but, but they allowed me to try a bunch of things. I did gymnastics. I did, um, all sorts of things. Tried tons of sports. And I think part of that was my dad being a seven, like, yeah, let's just try a bunch of things. But I also think a lot of it was my mom. Again, like you were saying, wanting me to experience life and be ready and prepared. I know like for her, I was on the swim team from a very young age and it was because she couldn't swim and she was bound and determined, not just that I would learn how to swim, but that I could really know how to swim to save my life. If somehow I fall, fell into the ocean or somewhere. Yeah, I would know exactly what to do and I could, right? I could. Um, so what are some things like that that you guys feel that you have? Well, and I know Elizabeth, your kids are really little, but that you have prepared your kids for that. Maybe you've seen other parents not prepared them for or given the opportunities to try.

Lydia: 27:59

I see a lot of, um, when I see my kids interacting with certain friend groups, Like I wonder if they're getting a lot of, I don't know if coaching is the right word, but preparedness in relationships at home. Cause that's really important to me being a six. I want them to have a circle of friends that are loyal and good people. And I want them to know how to reach out and find experts and find the good people that they need. So I feel like I'm always super alert. To how their friendship dynamics are and how they're treating people and how other people are treating them And you know, like if you let your your girlfriends treat you like that your little boyfriend treat you like that someday You know just I'm always trying to coach them through Relationship problems and they have some really great friends, you know But they've had some other situations that have been tricky and even situations with teachers That, you know, there have been some unfair things and I've been thankful to see that they can have direct conversations with their teachers and even go to the director when they need to, um, that they're doing a good job of standing up for themselves. Ultimately, I didn't feel like I could stand up for myself. I tend to do the, like, fawn and I tend to And just like almost nine ish when it comes to conflict, but they are very comfortable with conflict and navigating friendships. And, and I think that's because I prioritized it.

Beth: 29:26

That's great. Yeah, that's so important, especially in our day and age right now. Yeah, Elizabeth, what about you. Um,

Elizabeth: 29:42

with their, their teachers and whomever they're around. And, um, watching them, like we, My daughter is, my daughter is very outgoing and I was not, I was terrified. I believed I didn't have any friends because I didn't know how to talk to anybody. Um, and I, looking back, I had more friends than I thought, but just lacked the confidence of that. And I watched my daughter at the playground and she's always on the lookout for a new friend. And if we go to church, like she has her friends that are her friends that she sees all the time. She's like the social butterfly can flip around between different people, but she's she knows people and she wants to build relationships with those people. And, um, so that's my hope is that we've really just continued to do that. And even with my son, like we have babysitters that he's seen over and over again, that he, you know, like his babies, we get our babysitters from our church. So we go to church and there's his babysitter. And he's like, yes, I will go hang out with you while mom and dad go to church. Um, and it's, it's been really nice to see them build their own, build their own circle, like with my help. Um, but that it is, it is working and it's effective.

Beth: 31:00

Um, now, Elizabeth, this one might be a little bit harder for you to answer completely only because your kids are a little bit younger, but maybe not. It'll be interesting to see, um, but have, have your, Hey, uh, her daughter's coming in. Um, the, so the question I have is, well, I know Lydia, your kids are different than you. None of them are type sixes. Is that right?

Lydia: 31:26

Uh, Avonlea could be, uh, a counterphobic six. She could be. But she comes across as very eight three. Yeah.

Beth: 31:36

Okay. Okay. So,

Lydia: 31:38

So,

Beth: 32:07

not allowing their fears and anxieties to control them. So look, they look very eight ish. Um, and then there's everything in between and the ones that are in between look a little bit more one ish, uh, following the rules. So that being said, Lydia. All your kids are very different to, to, to a different degrees, right? Um, what has that been like as a type six mom to, to not, and we talk about this in our book, to not create many versions of yourself while at the same time instilling great qualities that you have into your kids. How has that been a struggle for you? Where do you find yourself really wanting them to be a type six?

Lydia: 32:48

I mean, I want them to have some level of cautiousness and planned preparedness, for sure. However, I think as a 6, I don't have that. self confidence. So I don't necessarily want them to be like me. Um, and my girls are like night and day, like moon, moon and sun different. They always have been. And I think because of that, like, I've been able to appreciate their unique qualities from the beginning. Cause it was so glaring, like how different, like Sidley's very artsy and she has never been afraid to be herself. She does not care what anybody thinks. There's no peer pressure. And Avonlea is like, social butterfly. She, she was born popular. Like when I was younger, I always wanted to be popular. I didn't understand like how to do it. You're born that way. Like, that's what I think now, you know?

Beth: 33:40

Yeah,

Lydia: 33:40

so because they're so different, I've, I've often just been in awe of their personalities and I, I don't, It was difficult with Avonlea being more pushy because it can trigger, you know, your fears and all of that. But I also don't want to take away that power that she has and the strength. Um, I just didn't want to mute her. And I also didn't want Siddalee to feel like she had to mold into what was expected of her. I wanted her to be herself. My main concern and it was a struggle at certain points was that they would be good friends because it's hard when you're so different and you're sisters. So we had some conflicts, like, as they were getting older and starting to create their own friend groups. Um, but we, I just stayed really mindful of it, and we talked through it, and they're really, they get along really well. They still sleep together in the same bed. So, so that was my main concern, is that they would not have a good friendship, but we seemed to be on the right track with that.

Beth: 34:38

that's really good. Um, I love that. Elizabeth, what about you?

Elizabeth: 34:43

Um, remind me of the question again, please.

Beth: 34:45

Yeah. No, you're totally fine. Um, so the question is with your kids, most likely not being your type, potentially very different than you. Is that hard? And what kind of hard is that? You know, like, um, That's Like, you know, one of her daughters, you know, is very extroverted and yet she doesn't want to create a mini version of herself, but also instill certain things, but that can be a really hard dynamic because we see the world through our own lens. And so it's just natural that we almost want to create a mini version of ourselves, but that can also be a rub against the kid. So what has that been like for you?

Elizabeth: 35:25

One of the things that got me the most once Saoirse started her own personality and such was, uh, I was a very compliant type all the time. Like I might not want to do what I was told, but I would do it with very little convincing. And that is the opposite of, of my daughter. There is no compliance whatsoever. Um, and which is why she's downstairs right now. And, um, So that, seriously, you have to, you have to wait. So where that, that

Lydia: 35:58

Um,

Elizabeth: 35:59

to, to please, like, I never understood kids who got in trouble at school because to me, it was so like, you just do what you're told. Like, why on earth would you not just do what you were told? Everything is easier when you do that. And, um, so yeah, it's, it's been an adventure in a way to see what that looks like. Cause I had siblings who weren't, you know, just always do what they said, but to see my daughter, like be very different, um, from that. And then, and then, yeah, she's like the very bubbly, everything has to be fun. I, I'm always on the lookout for the next fun thing. Like she will ask me every day, what are we doing today? What are we doing? What are we doing next? And, um, and I would always ask that with, With anxiety behind it of I, I need to know so that I'm not caught off guard. She is, it sounds, it always sounds to me like she's just really, it's like, I need to know. Cause that what, otherwise it's otherwise, why are we here? Like, you know, so, um, it's, It's been interesting and the, um, the, my son is very different as well. He's a lot calmer, um, in general, but he's also like very strong willed. Like I will, I am going to vacuum this house, even though the vacuum is three times my size. Like I just, I

Beth: 37:19

well, I love those. I love your guys's answers. Um, shoot. I had a thought I was going to pay back off of that. Um, well, um, I think, um, like for me, when I think about, you know, my mom, oh yeah, I know what I was going to say, you know, back in the day, my parents didn't have the Enneagram or any tools like this. And so they saw through their lens and their lens was the correct way of doing things. Um, and. And I was, I'm curious as to how has the Enneagram helped you guys as moms, just in general, like what are the biggest things that have really helped you? I think what you guys were just saying that you're able to see through their potential lens. I know that some, you don't know all your Children's types yet. You know, they haven't determined their type fully. Um, I know Lydia, one of yours, you know, thinks she knows her type, which is awesome. And you're like, well, you know, we'll see. She's still pretty young, but so yeah. So what are some other things for you guys in being able to use the Enneagram to kind of help steer yourself as a mom in the directions that are not only great for them, but also really healthy for you. Yeah.

Lydia: 38:43

I think the Enneagram, for one thing, it's helped me, um, see that there's multiple personalities. Like, I think growing up you're like, Oh, there's introverted people and extroverted people and there's popular people and people that don't want to be popular. And they're, you know, like you just put them in very basic categories. Um, and I think that's natural, like human nature. But I think being aware of the Enneagram, like having nine different types and, and each type has its own shade. It opens the door for just being more aware and more open to personality differences that I wouldn't have been before. Silence.

Elizabeth: 39:30

Like the, the interpretive childhood messages. Um, because I was like, Oh, everybody gets one. There's nothing you can do. There's no perfect parent out there that keeps their child from having this, this message that they, they tell themselves that says. you're going to have one. And, um, it was such a weight off my shoulders to be like, Oh, okay. Like I, I can't, I can't even pick which one they get. Like it just, they get one, whether I like it or not. And so it's not up to me to protect them from that. Um, My, my job is to just teach them that they're capable and that they are brave and that they are smart as much as I can so that when they believe that message about themselves, they have other truths to rely on in the moment as well.

Beth: 40:19

Yeah. Oh, I love that. And actually, when you said that, I had this thought of myself as a little girl, though being a type nine, I have a very strong eight wing inside me. And I think my, now that you were saying all that and kind of reflecting on our conversation today,

Lydia: 40:35

Um,

Beth: 41:05

nobody's business. Like I got this. And I know that she always has talked about that. Like, Oh, that's just who. Beth is, she has a lot of confidence, but after we're saying all this, I really feel like Yes, and she gave me the ability to be confident. She gave me the safety and the security to be who I naturally was in that moment. Um, and she got to delight in it. Cause I know that what you guys have said, you want your kids to be confident. You want them to feel courageous. And in that moment I was able to do that. Um, and I really can see how my mom gave that kind of firm foundation for that to happen. So with that being said, what would you love your kids someday? Let's say like me, you know, I'm much older. Um, and my, my mom is still alive. What would you want your kids to know about you as a mother? Like what you're really instilling in them? What is your passion? What is your hope for them? So. Why don't, uh, yeah, whoever wants to go first, what would be the message that you're really trying to communicate to your kids?

Lydia: 42:27

That's a tough one. That's a tough one. That's a tough

Elizabeth: 42:29

Yeah, I think it genuinely comes down to just, I, I truly care like everything, everything that I do is because I care about them. I care about what they experience. Um, and. And it doesn't always come out that way. Sometimes it comes out sideways and it comes out like mama's being controlling mama's being selfish. Um, that's, that, that's the heart of it.

Beth: 43:02

I love that. And I can see how that can be misconstrued by others. Like, especially the types that are like, like I know my mom would worry a lot, you know? And I'm like, and as a night, it's like, mom, why worry until we actually are in the moment to worry? Like it may not happen,

Lydia: 43:17

are

Beth: 43:17

but I can also now hear. Your side, her side of saying, I'm worrying because I care. I'm not worrying just to put more anxiety in the moment. I'm doing it because I love you. And I care for you. Is that what you're kind of saying?

Elizabeth: 43:32

Yeah. Yeah. It, um, that's, that's it. That's, that is the word.

Beth: 43:45

Good lady. What about you?

Lydia: 43:47

Um, I would like them to look back at their childhood and, and just feel like see the security that was provided. That would be. Great. If they could someday say, Hey mom, I felt really safe and secure and prepared for things and to then see their life, them have the confidence to go after the things that they're really passionate about. But also I want them to still have a relationship with me and to still see this as a safe place that they can come back to when they have a problem or a question or just want to come somewhere they feel safe and secure. So, I would love to see all those things happen.

Beth: 44:30

Uh, I love that. And that's, that is, I just want you guys to know that is exactly what I do experience with my mom. She's 80. One right now. And, you know, I'll take her on drives mainly on Sundays and we, she, basically she's just, there's a sounding board and just to listen and, you know, she is that safe place. Like I know I can say, or, you know, not like, not like I want to go do anything, but, you know, I can just really share my life and I know that she's. Um, and she's, you know, there for me, she'll back me up, she'll, um, listen, she's not going to just combat all the things that I'm saying. She's just going to be a really great, safe place to be. And that's a really, it's a really sweet relationship. So anyway, you guys keep up the awesome work as moms. I know it's not easy. Been there, done that. I'm a grandma now, so I get to enjoy that side. Yay.

Elizabeth: 45:22

Yeah. You're welcome.

Beth: 45:27

awesome. I'm like, I don't get it because being a parent was so hard. How can it be that much more awesome? And I'm like, Oh, okay, I get it. So hang in there, hang in tight. You guys are doing awesome, but thanks so much for being here and just kind of sharing, you know, the highs and the lows of being a six and the strengths and the weaknesses. I think it's going to be really helpful for people to see motherhood through your lens. So I really appreciate it. Thanks guys.

Lydia: 45:51

you.

Beth: 45:54

I am so thankful for Lydia and Elizabeth. They are so amazing to be able to come here and to share their office. authentic experiences of being a type six mom. And again, the highs and the lows and everything in between, you know, having a lot of self doubt from the inner committee is really, really challenging, but being the daughter of a type six, I can say that. I do feel safe and secure. I do feel I was well prepared. And so type six moms out there keep doing the great work of being a mom. And for those of you that are interested in knowing more about parenting with the Enneagram, please go get my new book coming out July 9th. Enneagram for moms. You can get that book through Enneagram for moms dot com. And when you're there, don't forget to tell me, uh, that you preordered it. There's a little form there that you can fill out and I'm going to give you lots of really cool goodies for those that pre order. So be sure that you do that because those are going to help you navigate parenthood. Right now. Plus you'll get some, uh, chapters to be able to read ahead of time. Well, guys, thank you so much for just being such an awesome support system. I get to see you guys, you know, around the country when I'm going places, you guys will come up to me and say, thanks, Beth, for all that you're doing. I just want to say. Thank you. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being a part of the YEC community. I love what I'm doing. So if you are enjoying your Enneagram coach, the podcast, please spread the word, share it with others so that they too can get the clarity of why they think, feel, and behave in their particular ways. So that. They can be a healthier version of themselves. We want you to be the created, uh, personality that God gave you, because it is amazing. Join us next week as we explore the world of the type seven moms. And as always remember that the Enneagram reveals your need for Jesus, not your need to work harder because it's the gospel that transforms us. I'll see you next time.