Beth: 0:00

Hey everyone. Welcome to your Enneagram coach, the podcast. I'm Beth McCord, your Enneagram coach that I am really excited about today because I'm I have a dear friend also who became an Enneagram coach through us, and she is now an author twice over. And she has a new book out that I know you're going to want to hear about. So, um, and the cool thing is, is her book comes out the same day as my book. In my book, the Enneagram for Moms parallels with her book. So hang in there with me because what she has to offer is truly going to be life changing for families in general. So let me just dive right in and let you meet her right now. Hey, Ainsley, this is so great to see you. How are you?

Ainsley: 0:49

I'm so good. And so excited to be here with you today. And I'm just so excited. Well, you're one of my favorite people.

Beth: 0:56

Aw. Wow. Yay. Awesome. Okay. Well, let's start with, you know, who you are, like where you're from, you know, where you, you know, where you live, your type, you know, so people can know that. And then tell us a little bit about your journey and discovering the Enneagram and where it's brought you today.

Ainsley: 1:16

Absolutely. So I am in and from Louisiana, although I've had some, you know, traveling around and went to college in Nashville. We moved to New York city, lived in Houston. So I've seen, seen some things. Um, but I just love Louisiana. It's so unique. So I just always like to talk about where I'm from and, um, I am a type two wing three,

Beth: 1:44

Mhm.

Ainsley: 1:45

if that means anything to anyone, those things. Every time I talk about my type, I get, I'm like, Oh, because I want to be a seven, but that's how I really know that it's my type because it always makes me uncomfy.

Beth: 2:00

Yeah.

Ainsley: 2:01

And I actually found the Enneagram. I want to say this was like 2013 ish.

Beth: 2:09

Okay. Awesome.

Ainsley: 2:10

One of my friends introduced it to me. She brought a book to me and I was like, what is this crazy word on this cover?

Beth: 2:19

Yes.

Ainsley: 2:20

um, I had just gotten out of a relationship. Like I'd gone through this huge traumatic breakup, you know, all the things. And I realized I was never going to get closure. With this person, but I had so many questions. Like, why are you the way that you are?

Beth: 2:38

Um,

Ainsley: 2:55

I'm understanding how this person is the way that he was and understanding why I reacted to that in this way and what I was doing. So it absolutely changed my life. I was obsessed with it from the get go. I met my husband six months later. And of course, as a, you know, beginning into the interview, I'm like, Oh gosh, what is he? I'm trying to analyze him and

Beth: 3:20

Yes. Is this going to be a right fit or bad fit? Are we the right combination or not? Like, you know, it's like there are no right combinations except for two healthy types, no matter what types. But people really do think that there are bad combinations. And that makes sense. I mean, like, because we're, we're with other people. Our significant other. And we're struggling. So we must be the worst type. That's how people usually go about it. So it's like, they're always trying to find the right pipe to match theirs. And it's like, no, you just have to be, and they have to be a healthy version or at least working on yourself. So anyway, so you were, you were trying to diagnose, is that right?

Ainsley: 3:59

yeah, for sure. And then I would get freaked out cause I would read about the seven and I'd be like, Oh my gosh, if he's a seven, is he actually going to commit, you know,

Beth: 4:09

That's right.

Ainsley: 4:10

spoiler alert. He's um, he did commit and he's not a seven. He's a three. So he's a three wing four and I'm a two wing three.

Beth: 4:17

Yeah, that's great. That's great. Um, and so, so you dove into it at that stage and then where did it take you?

Ainsley: 4:27

Oh my gosh. I think it took me to a level of self discovery and spiritual growth, which happens to be the subtitle of my new book, but that was really what it gave me. It was just a level I had never known before. It was like, okay, not only do I understand why people are the way that they are or what their motivations are, but I actually understand why God made me. In this certain way like I for the first time looked in the mirror and I was like, whoa lord I get it and I feel so much closer to you because I just kind of see where you were coming from And I understand why you gave so many people these gifts and I understand Where we can find dependence on you and our weaknesses. I understand like it just so tied me to the lord and I finally Was just on this like upward trajectory with the Lord.

Beth: 5:27

hmm.

Ainsley: 5:28

it just felt like communication cleared up. It felt like I didn't have as many question marks around myself. And if he made a mistake when he made me and made certain aspects of me. So it was just this beautiful discovery with God of, Oh, wow. Like. This is, this is amazing. And what you did when you made humans was so incredible. And I finally just got to see a little bit from that lens. And it was so healing, you know, it was just such an amazing process. And from there, obviously you can't stop talking about it. Whenever you love telling everybody and it eventually I started getting these questions, like, Do you coach people in this? Like, are you, is this what you do for a job? Or are you, and I was like, no, embarrassingly enough. I just talk about it for fun. That's what led me to be like, maybe I should, maybe I should become a coach. And I think in, I want to say it was like 2020, but I was like, okay, I'm going to, I'm going to dive into this. I'm going to become a coach and became certified under, Your Enneagram coach,

Beth: 6:36

Woo hoo! Woo hoo! Woo hoo!

Ainsley: 6:38

and I loved it. I genuinely still remember where I was when I started the program, the certification program. Um, because I was like, I knew it was something big, you know, I knew it was something really amazing for other people, for me, for the people directly near me. And, um, so I'm always thankful for you and all of your work.

Beth: 7:00

Oh, thanks. Yeah. But I, I, I totally know that feeling. Cause that's how I remember going through my certification program. Um, and yeah, just, and just the life changing perspectives that it gave, um, the healing and also the trajectory to be able to help others walk their path towards loving themselves and the freedom, like the Just like you said, it's like, yes, that's exactly what I want people to do is to see themselves through the eyes of God in the sense of he didn't make mistakes when he designed us, like, you know, God doesn't create junk and he doesn't junk what he creates. So we can take a step back and go, I was designed this way. Now. Yes, we're on the side of heaven. So we're in the fall. Yes, we have weaknesses and sins and liabilities and all that stuff that hurt us and others. But the way he created us to reflect him is amazing. And same with all the nine types. And so we get the privilege and the honor to literally surrender and depend on him to make us more like him. And the more he makes us like him. The more joy we have, the more freedom we have, and the more blessings others get. Um, so I totally, totally know what that experience is like to go through a program and really just have everything light up within you because you can see almost, you can almost see the people that God is going to bring your way to help and serve and watch them grow. Has that been true for you?

Ainsley: 8:43

absolutely. And I, I mainly work with and focus on young adults and whenever I would talk with them about the Enneagram, it's so powerful because even if they're teenagers, young adults, you know, in their twenties, it's kind of like you just see those light bulbs go off and you kind of see those connections being made. And I'm like, It's so encouraging, empowering to watch that happen. And I'm just like, you are about to be on a journey with the Lord. And I'm so excited to, you know, have been part of the Genesis of it.

Beth: 9:18

Yeah, exactly. Well, okay, so that's kind of your path, and then you became certified, and then what, like, what's been going on since then?

Ainsley: 9:28

Oh my gosh, everything, all the things all the time.

Beth: 9:32

Yeah. Mm-Hmm.

Ainsley: 9:33

So, I love working with individuals. I love working with couples. I love working, um, in the business sphere, like bringing it to corporate offices, I think is really cool as well. But my favorite, favorite people group to educate about the Enneagram are, like I said, young adults. And That is where I've definitely been focused. I was a high school minister in Houston at a church that I dearly, dearly love. And so I was really able to lead a group of student leaders in their giftings, in the, the, what God has called them to do in life and how that can apply as they're serving in the church. And I loved it. And we got to talk about the Enneagram quite a bit. And I definitely wasn't telling them like, go and, you know, you figure out your type immediately. And that's your type for the rest of your life because they are still growing and learning and developing. But I was hoping that they would just start a journey of self discovery. Start a journey of understanding a little bit more of what God was doing when he created us. So I did that and Once my husband got transferred for work. I have I wasn't able to obviously stay working there, which I would have Forever. Um,

Beth: 10:55

Mm-Hmm.

Ainsley: 10:56

but then I moved into the writing sphere and became a full time, um, writer, author, speaker, and podcast host. So that is what's been happening

Beth: 11:07

and TikTok.

Ainsley: 11:07

then. And TikTok. Yeah. TikTok was one of those like 2020, we're all trapped. And then, and that's whenever I was starting my certification. So I was like going through, it was all I was thinking about. So I started creating. Content around it and yeah, I loved it. So that was right before we moved. And then I moved into a full time in, in other realms, but I still, you know, I still work with young adults. I still talk to young adults all the time. Mentor, um, speaking all of that stuff. Yeah.

Beth: 11:40

the next big thing that's on your plate literally happens the same day my next big thing happens, and that's our book releases. And, I was recently on your podcast and we had such a great time. I was like, Oh my gosh, I've got to bring you on my podcast because our books kind of, um, I would say they, they walk alongside each other. Right. And so I was like, I want. My audience to hear it as well. So my book that's coming out on July 9th,

Ainsley: 12:15

Yeah.

Beth: 12:16

and he ran for moms and it's really focusing on how moms can understand their own developmental story, how God created them, um, and how to. lovingly care for themselves to be the healthiest version of who God created them to be so that they can be that person to as many children as God gives them, um, in a way that is Um, non anxious and a connected presence to their kids by exhibiting the healthiest parts of them and not trying to create many versions of themselves, but instead just offer the best of who they are to their kids while they help shape them. So that book is coming out July 9th. And then. Your book is coming out the same day. So tell us what your book is like and how we kind of see it as this side by side journey together. Yeah,

Ainsley: 13:17

about your book, how excited I am. Yes, because I'm a mom. I have a two and a half year old. I hope to have more children, of course, but also as a youth group leader, as a, uh, someone who works with young adults, that's what I'm What you're saying is so applicable to that realm as well, because you are in a mothering role as you know, all of these young adults are forming and you get to play a part and speak into their lives sometimes with a bigger voice than. You even know because students it's always my favorite thing was to be like, okay parent What do you want to say to them? What are you trying to get them to learn right now? okay, I'm just gonna tell them the exact same thing and And they would listen to me sometimes

Beth: 14:01

that's right. Yeah,

Ainsley: 14:02

Their parent but when you're saying not making many versions of themselves. That's so huge for anyone in a leadership role, anyone who just has a mothering heart to get your book, because that I could have done that to them, right? I still could have done that even though they weren't my biological kids. Like they were so a part of my life. I was so a part of theirs and continue to be. So anyway, I'm excited, um, for your book, for all of those reasons and all of those aspects.

Beth: 14:32

Yeah. Thank you. That's so fun. Okay. Now your book is

Ainsley: 14:36

Enneagram for Teens.

Beth: 14:38

yay.

Ainsley: 14:39

you're watching, you can see it, but, um, it is a complete guide to self discovery and spiritual growth. It's pretty much the most basic introduction to the Enneagram, but it also informs teens, How you can grow in communication, how you might interact with other people, with your relationships, with your romantic relationships, or just platonic relationships, what career you might be interested in. What are some reflection questions? What are some prayers that you can, um, you know, pray over yourself? What are some ways that the Lord might be wanting to connect with you? And all of these are kind of broken up. Oh, also why, um, Does that one sibling drive you absolutely insane, you know, like

Beth: 15:24

Right.

Ainsley: 15:24

that kind of stuff. And it's very much meant to start their journey, but they're never, they're not meant to finish it by the end of the book.

Beth: 15:33

Right. Yeah. I think we all know, especially as we get older, it's never over.

Ainsley: 15:39

Yeah.

Beth: 15:39

just this forever journey. I think when we're younger, we're hoping that it's just like a one and done

Ainsley: 15:44

Mm-Hmm.

Beth: 15:44

And it's like, no, yeah. Cause we have different seasons of life and every season there's a new discovery and figuring it out and relying on the Lord and growing and all the things. But, um, yeah, I love that. That perspective. Um, okay. So tell me a little bit more about like why you wrote this book and what your hope or goal is at the end for like the teens. Cause this really is written to the teens. Whereas mine is written to the moms and mine, I think a lot of people, um, think that I'm, I'm talking just to young moms. Um, I'm talking to all moms. I'm talking to people like me who are grandmothers to great grandmothers. Cause there's never a time where you can't start learning about yourself and offering the best of who you are. And then even repairing and healing, um, maybe where you've done things you didn't even realize that you were, um, Causing harm or misunderstandings. And so, um, so just want to make that clear. Cause I think some people think, Oh, it's just for young moms. No, this is for all moms. Like I am still a mom, even though my kids are grown, like I'm still actually, I think it almost helps even almost more when your kids are grown and they probably know their type or you're really trying to solidify that relationship on an ongoing basis. You can have those conversations anyway. So, but your book is. really written to teens, fourteens. And so what is your hope that once they read it, what are you hoping them to feel, do, et cetera?

Ainsley: 17:25

Yeah. I am really hoping for them to grow in their understanding of themselves and in communication with others. I think one of the big things that I saw with teens and parents. is this breaking of communication. Like they just couldn't communicate to each other. They couldn't connect. And both of them would say this phrase and it was like, they just don't understand. And that phrase was so, um, it was such a pain point for both parties. So, you know, moms and, and adults have a lot of these resources about their teen. Kind of like there's books about how to raise a teenager, right? But that's equipping the mom or parent or caregiver with more information, but it's not really equipping the teen. You know, the teen is smarter than we give them credit for. I'd speak to them like I would speak to anybody else because I want to call them up. I want to encourage them and I want to, I want them to feel like, Oh, she believes in me. She's not talking down to me or dismissing my problems or my heart hurts. I'm upset about this grade and she's not telling me to get over it. which happens a lot. So anyway, this is my hope and tool for the team to grow in that understanding, to grow in that communication. Because the truth is, and what my prayer is is that when they read this book, they'll not only understand more about themselves, but they will understand more about other people around them. They will, you know, stop the bully from bullying. Someone else is, they'll be like, I understand, I see your point. Probably struggling with this and I'm just going to speak life into your life. They will speak life and just words of affirmation over other people or whatever that other type needs to hear. And I don't hope that they go around typing each other, but I do hope that it illuminates something in them. Just like it illuminated something in me where it does. Set them on a trail of spiritual growth and set them on a path of self discovery. Then I also hope that that builds that bridge of communication between them and their caregiver, between those two parties where they don't have to say, they just don't understand anymore where they can finally see where the other person is coming from and the, the caregiver not feel exhausted because they feel like it's all on them. It's.

Beth: 20:02

Yeah.

Ainsley: 20:03

Equipping that teen to really be able to be emotionally intelligent and be able to understand why things feel confusing and crazy sometimes outside of hormones and all of those things, you know. And what they can do about it and how it can inform their decisions. A lot of the times I was talking to my sister who I am dying to type, but she is young, but I'm like, I don't want to type you so bad. I mean, I, I have thoughts that I'm like, okay, I'm not going to put her in the box. I'm not going to type her. But she is, um, 16.

Beth: 20:39

Okay. Yeah.

Ainsley: 20:40

One of those things that she's struggling with right now is like, what am I going to do for the rest of my life?

Beth: 20:45

Mm-Hmm?

Ainsley: 20:46

And so I'm like, okay, when you read this book, if she reads this book, you know,

Beth: 20:51

right?

Ainsley: 20:52

daughter or the sister that doesn't actually read it. I'm like, this book is dedicated to you. Anyway, I'm hoping that when she reads it, she recognizes, Oh, I'm really gifted in this. So maybe this type of career might motivate me and any type can do any career. But admittedly, if I, as a very social too, we're in an administrative isolated role, I would be miserable because it wouldn't motivate me. There wouldn't be a lot of bodies and warmth and people, but my, one of my great friends and coworkers, she's a five. administrative and isolation is her vibe. She loves it. So I'm hoping that that provides for them some clarity as well on paths moving forward, decisions they need to make.

Beth: 21:39

I totally needed that in high school because they gave me like, you know, I think they give it to all kids, or at least, I mean, this was back in the early nineties. Um, or as some of the, uh, Gen Z say the late 1900s,

Ainsley: 21:54

Yeah. Yeah.

Beth: 22:00

career tests and I came out, as they said, I would enjoy being a forest ranger. And I'm like, and so I just kind of like, almost like, and of course being a nine, it's like, I, I, I, I'm pretty sure that's not what I want to be, but that didn't even get me. It didn't give me any inclination of what I actually would want to do. It didn't even help direct me. And so I love that approach that you're giving is it's not, you should do this job. It's here's how you are wired. Here's what you might want to consider when you're looking into a career because all nine types can do any career, but you need to be aware of. The positive aspects that can really play into your strengths and then where there might be aspects that can really trip you up with either your weaknesses or things that you don't enjoy. Um, and so that is where it's key. Um, like, you know, like at that type five, Jeff, when he was an executive pastor, um, they, you know, they had, um, all the offices like on the outside of this kind of common area. And. You know, so they all would kind of like, you know, see each other all the time and talk and interact. Well, the spirit or the worship leader was a type five. Well, he spent most of his time, not in his office office. He would spend it behind the stage in this other office. And the team was kind of like, Hey, Jeff, you know, I, I. Can you like get him back here so we can like interact and kind of like build relationship? And then Jeff understood his type. And he did talk to him just like to clarify, like, Hey, I, I think this is maybe why you're doing this, but I just wanted to clarify. And he just, he was actually in the other office to garner up enough interactive energy so that when he was with everyone, he could interact on a level that was best for everyone. And unless you understand that. You could force someone into a situation that actually you're depleting them versus actually encouraging them. And so I think that's such a great, uh, tool that you're giving teens is to give them a heads up, a clarity of where they really could excel, but also those kinds of warning spots. So yeah, I, I needed that. I'm not, I'm not a forest ranger though. I do love being out in outdoors. That's about as far as it goes.

Ainsley: 24:38

I think that my, um, my like, you know, what was it? Career tests thing. I can't even remember what it said, but I remember being like, no, I think it was one of those administrative things. And I was like, I can, I am the least detail oriented person. And it's awful. I hate it. I wish I was better, but you know what? Jamie is amazing at it. So that's why we're a great duo.

Beth: 25:06

There you go. Yeah.

Ainsley: 25:07

Um, but yeah, I remember that being the case and being like, this doesn't know me at all.

Beth: 25:12

Yeah. So a lot of the people that listen to my podcast are going to be predominantly women, not all, but predominantly women, um, probably ages, you know, let's say late, uh, twenties to early forties. But of course there's a wider spectrum than that, but that's kind of the typical range, bell shaped curve. Um, So we are going to have lots of people that are listening that do have preteens, teens, kind of in that, um, era. And then of course they have kids all over the place, but I could just imagine there's a lot of people that have kids in that realm, or maybe coming up into that realm. So how, and they're probably all like, Oh my gosh, yes, a book for my teen. And. They're going to want to buy it and like give it to their teen. And like, this is going to solve all the problems, which I wish that was true.

Ainsley: 26:05

Yeah,

Beth: 26:06

Um, but

Ainsley: 26:08

one or two.

Beth: 26:09

yeah, but I think the important thing is. Yes. I think it's great to get the book. See if they're interested. You know, if a teen's not interested, that's just, it's not going to happen just like for all of us. Um, can't really force us into something, but a parent who's really looking to connect with their teen, they want to know how to care, to love, to nurture, to help, help them discover their own path and journey. What would you recommend? You either getting the book for their team, not getting the book for the team, letting them, you know, know that it's out there, like. What would you say to those parents out there that are really excited to get this for their teen and have them read it?

Ainsley: 26:55

Yeah. I think the coolest thing about our, you and I's books coming out on the same day is that they can truly, just like you said, walk alongside each other, actually in the home. The most, the most ideal scenario for me in my head is that the caregiver, mom. Um, has the Enneagram for Moms and they gift the teen the Enneagram for Teens. And then they read it together on the same pace. And they're sorry, able to talk about it. And they're able to say, Hey, I learned this about myself. I learned this about myself. What does that mean for our relationship? And

Beth: 27:39

And we didn't, we didn't write this knowing that our books would come out on the same day,

Ainsley: 27:43

No, that was the Lord.

Beth: 27:44

that is the Lord. I just think, Oh man, the Lord's so good. Um, I mean, obviously he's always good, but, and, and it's always surprising that we're surprised that he's so

Ainsley: 27:54

I know. Yeah.

Beth: 27:56

anyway. Um, yeah, I totally agree. Um, for, for it to be a side by side thing again, if the kids are interested and I think we can set that up in a very non threatening, like, Hey, I would love to get to know you. I know that I don't understand you a lot of times, and that's gotta be frustrating that that's got, I bet you. So wish that I could understand you and I wish I understood you and I want to have a more non anxious connected presence with you, but sometimes I don't because I don't know you, I don't, I don't get, I don't understand. And it makes me anxious and I want to work on myself. And so I'm going to get this book for me and really. Dad's out there. The book applies to you too. you could get the Enneagram for moms and read it. Um, but I'm going to get this book cause I want to understand myself better so that I can grow and be a healthier mom to you, no matter what Enneagram type you are. Um, but I want to give this to you because. I want you to have something that you feel seen, heard, and understood, and then you can help me to know you better. What other ways can parents bridge this gap of communication and understanding with their teens? Cause I'm sure so many of them out there just feel like, Beth, that sounds really nice, but that's not going to work because of whatever. How can we bridge this gap?

Ainsley: 29:24

I think one of the things that help with teenagers and communication and hard conversations is to meet them where they are. So, You don't have to have this sit down at the dinner table. Let's sit down and read a book together. And as dreamy as that is, that's my, that's awesome. I would love that. That sounds great. Sounds like a piece of pie, but a lot of times it's at midnight where they want to, they want to open up or in you're like sleep deprived and you're like, I don't know what I learned today in my book because I'm exhausted. But that's really, that's where they are. They're ready to open up. They're ready to, it. to talk. So kind of just having that open mindedness. But a lot of times what I love is driving in the car with adults like they're, if you're driving somewhere on an errand, whatever, just ask them a simple question. Just be like, Hey, are you liking this book? Or what chapter are you on? Or I learned this about myself. As soon as you give a little bit of vulnerability, they're like, They take, they eat it up. They really do, even if they don't outwardly express that they feel. I mean, you're, cause you're essentially when you're vulnerable with them, telling them that they're safe and that, you know, you're in turn will be safe for them if they ever want to, you know, share something and yes, like you said. Um, you can't force it, force them to do anything, but the more that they see you doing it, the more they're going to, their interest is going to be peaked, especially if it says, you know, something like if, if you're the mom is even reading through the Enneagram for teens while learning a little bit more about the Enneagram for moms, you know, you can just speak to what's in it. Oh, I, I saw this thing about the career. What are you thinking you would want to do one day? I would think you are so gifted at XYZ. That would be so cool if you like that kind of thing. And you know, just kind of be very relaxed about it. They are already under a lot of pressure, and I think that we can forget that, but we feel like we're under a lot of pressure. And they don't know that well, a, they are under a lot of pressure. Honestly, grades are, I was terrible in school. Um, and so it just felt like a lot of pressure all the time. So just, just kind of putting your mind back when you were in high school. And you know, Beth, you said that you wish you had this kind of thing when you were in high school. Okay. What do you wish? What does the mom wish they would have had in high school? A little more self awareness, a little more, whatever, a little few more tools. Okay, well now they have that. So you can kind of learn through it, how to speak their language, what to, and I'm not saying you have to use slang, Gen

Beth: 32:21

Yeah, right.

Ainsley: 32:23

But you don't have to ask them the hard questions. You have to ask them simple questions that will lead up to them just kind of overflowing information. And they will, they

Beth: 32:33

And wouldn't you say, and yeah, I would just love to hear like your little professional opinion on this is it's best to ask questions than constantly be giving lectures or giving Or discussions or even though as parents typically enjoy or love or thinking we have to do that or should do that, um, which is really coaching, right? So as a coach, we're, we learn how to ask lots of questions and help the person discover for themselves what to do. Is best for them or where they're at. Um, so talk a little bit more about that. Like what, what does it look like for a parent who let's say they've always been, I mean, cause when they were little, we had to teach them all the things, right? Like, don't do this because of this. Don't do that because of that. Um, be aware of this, you know, those are good things, but now at the teenage. Um, years, it's different. What, what is different and what should they, how should they approach it?

Ainsley: 33:34

um, everything is different with social media. I think everything is different. And I, in high school, was there for the introduction of, social media. So I know how it affected me whenever I was younger. There was a lot of comparison. There was a lot of like, what do I need to do? What am I missing out on? A lot of FOMO. So I'll give this example, um, of how to approach any conversation. If you're trying to instill some wisdom while asking a question. And it actually has to do with my first book. It's called don't date a boo boo dude. And it was a silly title, but it has some serious content in it. And it actually, the goal of that book is to, um, help teens and young adults not get into abusive or toxic relationships. Okay. So it's a heavy topic, but it has a very light title. And I use that as the conversation around dating and around relationships. So I'll be like, Has anyone, let's say I'm having a small group or even just talking to one girl, I'll be like, have you ever dated a booboo dude? They'll be like, what are you talking about? What is a booboo

Beth: 34:50

Yeah. What?

Ainsley: 34:51

Yeah. And so then I'm like, Oh, well, booboo dude just doesn't treat you right. He's not calling you back. He's leaving you on red. He's, you're wondering where he is all the time. He's, you know, X, Y, Z, and I'm listing this thing. And they're like, Oh yeah, I guess I have. And that's it. That's pretty, that is that conversation done. You're like, Oh yeah, me too. Me too. One time. Oh, they are crazy. You know, and that's it. You have done, you've given one little nugget. Then the next time you want to approach this, this conversation, or you see a behavior from their dating life, they're like, Oh, he has not talked to me in three days. You can be like, that's a little boo boo, isn't it? And you know, and it lets their guard down, but it also gives them credit to think like, Hey, you know better than that. We already talked about this. This is a little boo boo. And they will be like, yeah, that is a little boo boo. Like, yeah. And it's up to them to take action. But you at least Have another nugget, another penny in the piggy bank. And so that kind of thing will help bridge a gap of communication. It's very short spurts of connection. And if you can have the light kind of way to, to spark it, then you can really get deep in a short amount of time. And I hope that makes sense. That's how I approach a lot of my conversations with teens and young adults is. I'm like, you are smarter than that. You are better than that. Oh, come on. You know, and kind of,

Beth: 36:25

Yeah. So it's a lot of affirmation with lightheartedness. Yeah. And I mean, you know, cause that can be hard cause I know a lot of parents, you know, they're in the weeds with their kids, they love their kids. They're wanting to do whatever it takes. And so,

Ainsley: 36:42

and they just won't ask the question for you to give the answer.

Beth: 36:47

yeah. So, you know, it, it's challenging as parents because. We feel like there's so much at stake and we want the best for our kids. Um, but I love what you're saying is just like, even just those small, quick wins. You don't have to have long conversations. You don't have to finish the thought that you're hoping to land. Like that might take a month or six months to actually get from point a to point B. Um, and that's okay. Like there's many months, many years to come and being. And this is what we talk about in the book, being a non anxious present parent and connected parent. So, and that's hard to be non anxious, but we know that God ultimately has our kids. And so we can approach it with a less anxious presence. Um, it's kind of like, I know this is probably people are going to laugh at it, but if you've watched Caesar Milan, the dog

Ainsley: 37:43

Oh yeah. Yeah.

Beth: 37:45

It's totally like, he'll come in and like, the dogs are crazy. And the dog parent has, you know, tried this, that, and the other. And then he just takes like literally two minutes and like the dog totally is different because he comes into it with a non anxious, assertive presence. And. Um, and he has learned and trained himself to do that, even with really hard cases and they follow suit right away. And that's really the heart behind my book is that when we as parents take ownership of our own. Self development, our own growth, um, our kids will follow suit to a point. We don't know how much, no matter what type they are, but they're going to grow in their own type. We don't have to force them into it. It's the more we do our own work. The more it's going to show and the more it's going to benefit them and us and the relationship. And it's just this ripple effect that goes. And so that's why I just so encourage parents not to pick up the teen book so that their kids will change, forcing the change, pick it up to be curious when we are curious. So much good happens when you're just trying to figure it out and trying to fix it. It really starts. Creating kind of a knot, if you will, in the relationship, because they're not going to follow your exact protocol or what you're hoping for. But that curiosity is so, um, enriching to the relationship with your teens and a curiosity about yourself, you know, I think that's, it's so healthy. So I really am excited for the work that you're doing and that you're. You're really just bringing the expertise that God has already given you in the space that you love, you know, with young adults, teens, and helping to give language around the Enneagram self discovery, self understanding and growth in a way that truly blesses them. Um, any like last thoughts that you would love either the parents or if they, if the teens are listening, um, what you would love them to know, whether it's about the book or the Enneagram or growth. Yeah.

Ainsley: 40:27

to stay the course, because that's going to be, um, a challenge because I know how, you know, frustrating it can be, but I love the anti anxiety approach that you're talking about and obviously pick up the Enneagram for Moms. And to the teens, I would say you are so smart. You're so, you are the future. So, Let's invest in yourself, invest in yourself by reading. Do not stop reading. I stopped reading for a little bit and I can tell you in my life, like in my, the series of my life, because I was burned out from school. Now I read almost a book a week and I just feel like so much more equipped for the world. So this is a tool in your tool belt and I believe in you. That's what I would definitely want the team to know. And for the parent and teen combo, I pray that this builds a bridge of communication where you're growing in empathy and understanding for one another. That is always the goal. And you can reach out to me if you have any questions.

Beth: 41:31

Yes. Absolutely. Okay. So with that, where can they find you?

Ainsley: 41:35

Yep. So I am at Enneagram with AinsleyB. com or at AinsleyB on Instagram or, um, info at AinsleyBritain. com. Any of those places. The last one's

Beth: 41:46

Great. Well, everyone go pre order her book, join her book launch team, go pre order my book, Enneagram for Moms and join my book launch team. They both come out on July 9th. So it's just around the corner and you get pre order bonuses. So just. Go get it now. Um, and then join, um, both, uh, uh, launch teams, get the pre book pre book bonus, um, order, get the pre order bonuses, um, that are going to absolutely benefit you. I know that for you and me, we created these because they're tools that are absolutely beneficial. So, um, And that's really our heart. Our heart is just to give the next generation of, um, teens for you, the next generation of moms, grandmas, and great grandmas, the ability to have good relationships with themselves, with God and with others. So. Ainsley, thank you so much for coming on. Thank you so much for continuing the work that you're doing. It is absolutely life changing for not just the teens, but everyone around them. So keep doing the hard work that you're doing and for everyone else. Thanks for joining me and next week. I am going to interview my kids who are now adults. What was it like for them to be raised with your Enneagram coach? Who wasn't your Enneagram coach until they were in their late teens. But I did know the Enneagram since they were one in three. So listen in to what it was like. To grow up with me and the Enneagram. All right. Uh, until then, I'll see you guys. Thank you. Bye.

Ainsley: 43:32

Bye.