What if the person you've spent your life trying to become isn't actually the person God created you to be?

In this deeply personal conversation, Beth and Jeff McCord welcome back therapist, author, and longtime friend Chuck DeGroat to explore his new book and the question at its heart: Who are you becoming?

We often think of good character as doing the right things, following the rules, being responsible, and becoming a better person. But what happens when those very behaviors are actually ways we've learned to protect ourselves, avoid pain, or maintain connection with others?

Beth opens up about her own journey as an Enneagram Type Nine, recognizing how being agreeable, accommodating, and easygoing helped her navigate difficult childhood experiences. What looked like good character on the outside was sometimes rooted in fear and a deep need to feel safe and accepted.

Together, Beth, Jeff, and Chuck explore how our childhood experiences, family systems, personality patterns, and spiritual environments shape who we become, often without our realizing it.

In this episode, we explore:

• The difference between developing genuine character and simply learning to behave the right way.
• How childhood wounds and survival strategies can shape our adult relationships.
• Why the Enneagram helps us recognize the motivations underneath our behaviors.
• How people-pleasing, perfectionism, seeking certainty, and other protective patterns can keep us disconnected from ourselves.
• The danger of spiritual bypassing and using faith or spiritual practices to avoid difficult emotions.
• How our different inner parts and Enneagram patterns can become healthier and more integrated.
• Why exhaustion can reveal the strategies we're relying on to feel safe.
• The importance of trusted relationships, honest feedback, and compassionate self-awareness.
• How healing and genuine transformation remain possible even when our stories include significant pain.

One of the most meaningful parts of this conversation is the reminder that we don't have to keep becoming the person we learned to be in order to survive. We can begin recognizing those old patterns, understanding why they developed, and learning to live with greater honesty, freedom, and connection.

Whether you're just beginning to understand your Enneagram Type or you've been doing personal growth work for years, I hope this conversation helps you become more curious and compassionate toward yourself.

There is hope, no matter how difficult your journey has been.

Meet Our Guest: Chuck DeGroat

Chuck DeGroat is a therapist, author, professor, and spiritual director whose work explores trauma, healing, spiritual formation, and the complexities of being human.

Connect with Chuck:

Website: https://www.chuckdegroat.net/

Substack: https://substack.com/@chuckdegroat 

Instagram: @chuckdegroat

Previous book: Healing What's Within

Connect with Beth & Jeff McCord

Your Enneagram Coach: https://www.yourenneagramcoach.com/

FREE Enneagram Resources: https://www.yourenneagramcoach.com/podcastresources

Find an Enneagram Coach: https://myenneagramcoach.com/

Become a Certified Enneagram Coach: https://www.yourenneagramcoach.com/bec

Instagram: @yourenneagramcoach

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